DumbFunnery

Art Champions of the World, part ii

DumbFunnery — Fri, 25 May 2012 17:01:11 +0000

Check out the fruits of our artistic labors the first time we (that is Airplanes, Rainbow Speak and I) painted!

French Fries

Mayo

Airplanes

Rainbow Speak

Mine

What Have I Done Reading List

DumbFunnery — Thu, 24 May 2012 17:01:44 +0000

One of the items on the “What Have I Done / Bucket List of Sorts” was to read 18 books this year. This is the list of those books.

An Object of Beauty – Steve Martin

I’m a big fan of The Pleasure of My Company. This one, eh. The most interesting and neat thing with this book, to me, was that it includes color pictures of some of the paintings the book talks about. This is nice because I’m lazy and don’t look up things (except in rare cases) that books talk about. A lot of the art talk was probably lost on me, so if you’re into that this book may appeal more to you.
Here’s a NY Times review of the book. (The author doesn’t directly say but I get the impression she wasn’t a big fan either.)

Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov

I finished this earlier today so I’m still not sure how much I like it. BUT, I can tell you that I really enjoyed his writing style.
Come back tomorrow for some quotes from the book that I liked.
Here’s the catch with the book, in case you pick it up without knowing the plot like I did – it’s a love story between an upper 30′s man and a 12-14 year old girl. From the perspective of the pretty-vocabularied man. Huh. It’s fiction but an odd pill to swallow.
Check out some quotes from the book that I liked … here.

Next up will be A Clockwork Orange. (After that I promised myself a lovely, feel good book.)

Above published Jan 5, 2012

I thought about it some more and I decided … yes, I like Lolita. If for no other reason than the language. But it’s also interesting because it has a lot of unexpected parts (at least I was surprised) and it’s just plain odd.

A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess

Yikes!
I read on wikipedia (linked above, and because it’s wikipedia take it as you will) that the author was not a fan of the book or the movie. The book, because he wrote it quickly and why is everyone in to this thing I wrote just off-hand! Gah! The movie, because it didn’t accurately convey the meaning of the book. I have not seen the movie, but the book’s message was interesting.
I haven’t seen the movie, but I thought the book did present an interesting question. And I have heard the movie is violent and crazy, but with books you can distance yourself (in my opinion) more easily from that. It’s less ‘real.’
Also, possibly the coolest part, is that wha-la, you know about forty words of slang without having tried. There are more than forty in the book, but you walk away without knowing ALL of them. Well, maybe YOU do. But I didn’t.

The Pirates! in an Adventure with Communists – Gideon Defoe

Yep, you read that title right.
I knew I wanted something light and happy after Lolita and A Clockwork Orange and this book provided just that. I would recommend this book for just such a situation.
I’m jealous of this guy because he writes dumb, goofball, enjoyable nonsense and he’s gotten published doing it.
Check out quotes I enjoyed from the book here.

Above published on January 30, 2012. I think.

Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins

I started reading On the Road by Jack Kerouac, and then a friend (nicknamed Airplanes), invited me to a book club. The book they were reading was book one of the Hunger Games trilogy.
It was great!
I read the book and couldn’t help but tear through books two and three. Hence …

Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins

At the book club, two of the people had already read all three books. One girl said she couldn’t remember which book event X happened in, and then said, “well it doesn’t spoil anything,” then she said event X. Really? Doesn’t spoil anything? That annoys me so much when people do that. In my head I turn in to a cat and hiss at them. Is that weird?
Yes, it is weird.
But, it’s oddly soothing.

Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins

Here’s how good these books are. I bought the first in paperback, and read it. I knew I wouldn’t be getting books two or three for a while because they’re just in hard back, and it bothers my meticulous, boring nature to own books in a series that are not all the same format. But then it was Sunday, the library was closed, and all the sudden there I was buying the hardback.
Book three I read the vast majority of at a sandwich shop. I just sat there for three or four hours reading. I think I must have seemed like I had no life, which you can tell by the fact that I blog 5 times a week that I am clearly a very happenin’ individual.
I realize I’m not saying anything about these books, so here’s this …
Book 1 I read over the course of a week. Book two in three or four nights. Book three in two days. They’re good.

Ok, seriously, I’m going to finish On the Road now.

Above published on March 5.

Persuasion – Jane Austen

Remember what I said about On the Road? Silly me …
At book club the latest book chosen was The Perks of Being a Wallflower. The book was nominated by me, and the gang chose it. The book I voted for wasPersuasion. I had yet to read a Jane Austen and I figured this would force me. It worked!
The first hundred or so pages I thought, “make it stop, oh make it stop.” But then around page 150 things got interesting, and I actually thought the book was decent. Stellar review, right?
One of the best things about this book will be the transition from this read to the next because the book club’s next read is … 50 Shades of Grey. Or “mom porn” if you prefer (based on the SNL skit). Yikes.

Above published on May 24. (Oof I need to get back to reading more!)

Check out the master to do list here!

Attn: Ellen (5/23/12)

DumbFunnery — Wed, 23 May 2012 17:01:09 +0000

Front

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This weekend I’m heading to Arizona to see my family.

Hopefully the quality of this postcard is no indication of the quality of the trip home. On the other hand, I wish I had a stamp of this guy. I’d use that stamp all the time.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I sending these postcards?

Didn’t Feel Like Doing Much, So …

DumbFunnery — Tue, 22 May 2012 17:01:56 +0000

Silver Lining of the Bad Economy

DumbFunnery — Mon, 21 May 2012 17:01:59 +0000

The economy is not in top form right now, and that is unfortunate. It really is. What could possibly be the silver lining, then?

Blame!

It’s easy to blame the economy for things right now, and everyone’s doing it. If you’re not, you should be.

“Really? I swear, it’s like you’re not even aiming when you use the bathroom. What is going on in here?!”
“Sorry mom, the economy has me worried … will I be able to get a job after college?”

This is a potential conversation between a seven year old boy and his mother. Little Jacob can’t use the bathroom like he used to – and it’s the economy’s fault.

Say you’re at the supermarket and it’s weirdly crowded for a Tuesday at 3 pm. What is happening here? Oh dang, that guy has a sweet mustache. Seriously though why is this – oooh an open spot right up front! You zoom toward it, cutting off that sweet old woman who was there first.

“Young man, you should be ashamed! Where have manners gone in this world!”
“Sorry miss, it was either cup o’ noodles, or manners. And a guy’s gotta eat.”
“Oh it’s ok youngin’, I’ve been there before. Trust me. I’ve. Been. There.”

(Turns out the old woman was more creepy than sweet. Classic mistake.)

Yes. The economy is bad right now. But keep this silver lining in mind, and it won’t seem as bad.

And when the economy improves, we can finally afford that gold lining.

RIM SHOT!

Houston Dynamo – Opening Game at the New Stadium!

DumbFunnery — Fri, 18 May 2012 17:01:26 +0000

The Loofah, and Me

DumbFunnery — Thu, 17 May 2012 17:01:06 +0000

Recently I bought a loofah, and it has changed a lot of things for me. “A loofah?,” you might be saying, “you never seemed distant to me!”

After a while I would finally get your joke. A play on the word “aloof,” and I would respect you less.

Moving on.

The loofah has changed a lot of things in my life. My finances have improved, I’m eating healthier, I think I look great, and most importantly, my personal relationships have developed more as a result. I find that after using the loofah while I shower that I can relate to people much better!

I’m almost ashamed to admit the conversation I had with a friend of mine just a few weeks ago. We’ll call my friend Jerry. Not for no reason, too, it’s because his name is Jerry.

Jerry: “Brad, they’re going to foreclose on my house.”
Me: “Jerry. That is news. This is an update to me.”

See what I did there? I wasn’t sure what he was feeling so I couldn’t guess what emotion I should have. I just limited myself to statements! With my loofah’d hindsight, I can see that he was probably SAD, or HUNGRY. Two key emotions for any human.

Jerry: “I’m so depressed.”
Me: “Well, let’s inflate you! With french fries!”
Jerry: “….Um. I guess I could go for a shake?”

Thankfully I stumbled into just the right thing to say. Phew!

I won’t have to just stumble my way into relating to people now! No, sir! Not with the loofah in my life!

Attn: Ellen (5/16/12)

DumbFunnery — Wed, 16 May 2012 17:01:34 +0000

Front

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’m getting back into working out now. I had to take a break after the MS150.

Sometimes I think the best part of being a super hero would be that you’d always be fit. Form-fitting colorful spandex should clearly be limited to fat cats and super heroes.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Actually I just thought of a great idea! If you want to be a good actor/actress – perform your role in spandex first. If you can “emote” in spandex, you can do anything.

Why am I sending these postcards?

Modern Day Love Letters

DumbFunnery — Tue, 15 May 2012 17:01:06 +0000

In some college, right now, there is a young man who will one day be regarded as the greatest American novelist since (insert name here). He shows signs of his brilliance right now, but he’s a little too concerned with college-y things to really be the novelist he will one day be.

But, in the future, his books will come out and shake the world. People will read and fall in love with him. They’ll have this desire to know more and more.

Somewhere, some publishing house will think, “well, why not give them more? We’ve got books that are the letters of Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Dos Passos, why not him?”

Below is a sampling of the types of notes this book would contain.

The Facebook Love Letters of (so and so), 2011 – 2014

Note 1:

Hey what’s up. Last night was a ton of fun. We should get drunk and make out again. Just kidding. Well, about the getting drunk part. Unless you have to get drunk to make out with me … which I’m sadly very ok with.

Note 2:

Man, it’s crazy. I don’t just want to physically bone you, I also want to emotionally bone you. That’s never happened before. You should come over so we can physically bone, then emotionally bone, then physically bone again. Then take a nap. Then get some burgers and do some more emotional boning. That’d be awesome.

Note 3:

I didn’t know holding hands could make me so happy.

I miss you.

Note 4:

That halloween party was so much fun with you! You looked super hot as a sexy criminal defense attorney. I’d commit crimes just to be with you. What? Yeah, I’d break the law for you.

Note 5:

Every time I kiss you, it just makes me want to kiss you ten times more.

Which reminds me, could you pick up some chapstick for me next time you go to the grocery store?

Mother’s Day Test

DumbFunnery — Mon, 14 May 2012 17:01:01 +0000

There’s nothing closer to real, unconditional love than a parent’s love. And who better to embody that than a mother? That’s why this year, for Mother’s Day, I created this test.

What better way for a mom to demonstrate the power of her love than by pretending to forget what day of the year Mother’s Day is on! Then your mom can really show the amount of unconditional love she has. It’s an opportunity you’re giving her …

Say!, I guess this is a sort of gift after all!

That’s why this coming Sunday, Mother’s Day (May 20th! Don’t forget!) I plan to “forget” what day is Mother’s Day!

It’ll be a doozy!