The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘panda bear’

Attn: Ellen (7/31/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres Panda

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I feel like if anything ever got #Adorbs trending on Twitter it would be this little creature.

Or if you wore a shirt that said, “My Other Shirt is #Adorbs … But I Left it in the Dryer Because I’m Lazy” … That might work too.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (11/7/12)

Front

Panda Bear Ellen DeGeneres

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Postcard Ellen DeGeneres

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This past week my parents were in town for a visit. We saw Johnson Space Center, Galveston (where there was a motorcycle rally), downtown Houston (where there was an international quilt festival), a Rockets game and of course food was a big part of it.

I guess what I’m saying is, I’m ready for a nap.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (4/25/12)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Tough-day-at-the-office Panda gets it. Sometimes you just need to be held.

Unfortunately tough-day-at-the-office Panda refuses to be little spoon and frankly that’s a mistake.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Animal Facts! (Panda Bear, Elephant, Shrimp Goby, Parrot)

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

Panda Bear

Think they do a really good Jamaican accent, but good God it sucks.

Dance, monkey!

Ohhhhhh I get it. It’s funny because it’s … wait, I don’t get it.

Reads The Non-Review.

Like school in the summer – no class!

Elephant

Suave. Sophisticated. And somehow still single – nobody gets it.

Favorite joke is: ‘what did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?’  ‘Make me one with everything.’

Call the cops – we got a reallllll joker on our hands.

Rushes to the sexual stuff. Will you ever learn?

Got fourth place in a Leslie Neilson look-alike contest.

Shrimp Goby

Had the nickname ‘the one man dogsled team’ in high school.

Don’t ask, but honestly, don’t have to. If you catch my drift.

They’re like one of those drug commercials. Everything seems great, but really there’s a huge list of possible downsides.

Fresh to death.

Stand up, sit down, fight fight fight!

Parrot

Texas-two-stepped their way into my nightmares.

Honorable to a fault. I’m not sure what that means. But it applies here.

Music starts when they look in your eyes … but then they notice your poor hygiene.

What a silly goose!

Cutie with a bootie.

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