The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Well friends, sometimes you come out a winner, sometimes you recommend a book with a masturbation scene to a random high school girl.

I was out and about tonight after work and I decided to swing by Borders. I enjoy checking out their books, so then I’ll have things to buy from Amazon or the Half-Price Book Store by me. Sorry Borders, your prices suck.

While walking around I noticed that a teenage couple had grabbed a Borders clerk for help. Then, four Borders clerks were there. They were talking, trying to figure out the problem. FOUR clerks! And none of them could solve this very simple problem. I had thought I had overheard it, and knew some books that counted, so I sauntered over (at that point I was not a pervert, but a smug nerd).

“What kind of book do you have to find?” I asked.
“Oh, a fiction book written by an American author in the last 30 years.”
“That’s the only requirement?”
“Yeah.”

(Seriously – four clerks didn’t know this. Are you kidding me?)

Boom! I’ve got it! A book I had just been looking at, because I’ve heard good things. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. I have not read this book but I have heard good things. Also, it looks like a short read and this girl wanted that. I picked the book up and handed it over.

Soon after I left I learned a little factoid, from Wikipedia: “The story explores topics such as introversion, teenage sexuality, homosexuality, abuse, and the awkward times of adolescence. The book also touches strongly on drug use and Charlie’s experiences with this.”

Specifically I learned about the masturbation scene from a friend who had read the book. Greeaaaat.

If the girl bought the book, and headed home and told her parents about the swell gentleman who helped her pick out a book for school … only to start reading it and think it’s some sort of weird, bookish, creepo pick-up move … I apologize. Sorry, chica.

I know those aren’t crazy topics, and any teen now would of course have seen it all already, but still … I feel like a creep.

In my defense I also recommended Steve Martin’s The Pleasure of My Company because I am a huge fan of that book.

Sincerely,
The bookish creep

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Comments on: "Unintentional Pervert – Weekly Wacko (67)" (8)

  1. The Compulsive Writer said:

    Oh my god, I am laughing so hard. (oops, now I have to clean my screen…wiping snot out of way) The funniest part was when you sauntered over. That was it. That was the McGuire moment for me.

    Just be glad she wasn’t looking for a poet. You would have been arrested had you suggested Allen Ginsberg (poem Howl).

  2. I actually think it was a good recommendation and I have to say I have no recollection of the masturbation scene, so maybe it is time I reread that book. But, I read it as a teenager and a number of times since then, and I thought it was a great book. Plus, it really made me want to go see the Rocky Horror Show.

  3. I’m ashamed at you, recommending such a book. You should always offer a starter, like Judy Bloom’s Then Again Maybe I Won’t. After she’s learned about what it is to be a boy hitting puberty and having wet dreams, than she’s ready for the harder stuff.

    BTW, one of the best openings to a post yet. haha

    • haha oh man, your comment had me laughing pretty good.

      Also thanks – I noticed on facebook it showed just the first sentence and it made me laugh

  4. The book has a masturbation scene!?!

    … I’m buying 2 copies after work.

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