The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Attn: Ellen’ Category

Attn: Ellen (3/20/19)

Front

 

Ellen391a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen391b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Maybe this is a little dark for a postcard but … Do you think the Catholic Church will ever have a Patron Saint of Not Molesting Children? Because it’d be great if that guy showed up.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (3/13/19)

Front

 

Ellen390a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen390b

Cheerios is having this contest where you tell Ellen something good you’ve done and then you might get tickets to her show. But I had more pressing questions. The text of the postcard is

So Ellen, you like postcards? Cool. Cool. Me too. Umm … ok. Well, see ya!

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (3/6/19)

Front

Ellen389a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen389b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

General Grant National Park is the drink ingest National Park.

[] True
[] False

Please respond.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (2/27/19)

Front

Ellen388a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen388b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I bet if there was a chimp standup comic people would describe their style as derivative of Gallagher/Carrot Top. Props and the audience needing to be covered in a protective sheet.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (2/20/19)

Front

Ellen387a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen387b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’ve heard that ‘snitches get stitches’ but my question is – why!?

Like, my cousin told the police about this thing that happened and some guy went to court and it was super dramatic and then the night before my cousin was going to testify he was shaving and cut off three fingers! Clumsy much?!

How is the correlation between snitching and clumsiness so strong!?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (2/13/19)

Front

 

ellen386a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

ellen386b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

You know that thing where a 3 year old sorta speaks English, but you also have to look to the parents to say ‘please translate.’ I wonder if it’s like that for any new White House communications directory, chief of staff, etc.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (2/6/19)

Front

 

ellen385a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

ellen385b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

No silly joke today. Just excited about the day my son is old enough to go out and listen to the Earth’s poetry like the kid on this postcard.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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