The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Attn: Ellen’ Category

Attn: Ellen (5/16/18)

Front

Ellen350a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen350b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

If I remember correctly this woman was the Side-Eye Champion of the Universe. She’s seen here practicing on a poor, unsuspecting umbrella.

Hang in there umbrella, she doesn’t mean it.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (5/2/18)

Front

Ellen347a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen347b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

How about we co-create a show? It’s called Brussel Sprouts. And it’s a fairly boring detective, named Brussel Sprouts, and his mediocre detective-ing, failed dating attempts, and love of horses. Sounds too good to be true, huh?

Call me. It’s not.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/25/18)

Front

Ellen348a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen348b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I worry that Earth might be the K-Mart of the universe, with aliens cruising by saying, “huh, they’re still in existence?”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/11/18)

Front

Ellen346a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen346b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I wonder if there is a Guinness World Record for longest “awwwwww.” And wouldn’t t be weird if that was achieved by someone looking at a picture of a blue whale. If I was from Guinness I would disqualify the person.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

P.S. If I was going for the record I’d look at baby fox pictures.

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/4/18)

Front

Ellen345a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen345b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

It’s the time of year where we must once again ask ourselves – am I the only one who sensed sexual tension between Vader and R2?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (3/28/18)

Front

Ellen344a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen344b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

As part of our son’s sleep routine whoever is putting him down sings a snippet of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

You’d be surprised how much creative license that song has for new words when

1) you don’t know the words, only the tune,

2) your audience doesn’t know what you’re saying, and …

3) you can add or subtract beats to a measure to make an impromptu rhyme fit

Sincerely,

DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (3/21/18)

Front

Ellen343a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen343b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I remember reading that one way to get someone to consider another view is to take an extremist version of their view. So if someone is pro-guns you say every person at birth should get a social security number and gun.

I guess what I’m getting at is if Trump is president much longer I’m going to turn into a communist.

Sincerely,

DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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