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Archive for the ‘Attn: Ellen’ Category

Attn: Ellen (1/9/19)

Front

ellen381a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen381b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

At first you see this and think, ‘oh cliche fisherman joke.’ But look deeper. They walk at the exact same cadence! That’s a harmonious relationship. Also both of them have a very broken left foot.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (1/2/19)

Front

 

Ellen380a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen380b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I bet the first person who thought of removing the hair before they ate the animal they killed was revered with a god like status.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (12/19/18)

Front

Ellen379b

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen379a

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This year I’ve secretly been telling people ‘Mary Christmas’ because this girl I know, named Mary, likes bringing home-baked cookies to work so I hope that … aw crap, just remembered her name is actually Joan.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (12/12/18)

Front

Ellen378b

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen378a

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Recently I looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. I took off my glasses and wow – stunning! What a beautiful fuzzy creature stood before me! Such a sharp (maybe?) jawline! Such dazzling eyes are probably right around that area? I didn’t know what I was looking at, but I liked (possibly?) it.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (12/5/18)

Front

Ellen377b

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen377a

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think in ancient times (whatever that means) there was some village elder who would go out on hunts and point to different animals and say either “delicious” or “belch?” Because really, who looks at big hairy animals and thinks “YUM!”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (11/28/18)

Front

 

Ellen376a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen376b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I recently went to my first sporting event at Denver University. I don’t know if they have an honors college, but if they don’t they’re missing a real t-shirt selling opportunity. I mean, like, really. D.U.H.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (11/21/18)

Front

Ellen375a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen375b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here’s a trick I learned for Thanksgiving. If you don’t eat to the point of hating yourself, it’s actually a really nice day with friends and family.

But guess what Aunt Carol, I’m eating till I wanna puke so go screw yourself.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

P.S. Happy Turkey Day!

Why am I doing this?

 

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