The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

(Whistles) What a fox!

Can we take a second to talk about this phrase? Were people worried the first time they heard it? What about the first guy who saw a lady and said, ‘woah! what a fox!’ … And when he said that what he meant was, ‘woah! what an attractive lady!’

Was that guy … ok?

No. Probably not.

He was, APPARENTLY, into foxes. And one day he was out and about and he saw a lady who was maybe a redhead and sporting some furs or something and he thought, ‘that is the most fox-like woman I’ve ever met – FINALLY! My weird sexual proclivities can be met!’

But why did it catch on? Shouldn’t the people around him have said, ‘ew … Dave. Guy, NEVER use the word foxy as a compliment. It’s just (shudders) Dave stuff.’

And yet here we are, calling women foxy, creating unrealistic beauty standards for foxes and/or women. I’m not sure who has it worse. When it comes to Dave, foxes have it worse.

brown and white fox on green grass land

Photo by monicore on Pexels.com

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Update on Life Goal

Quick update on my life goal to be cooler.

You know how some food things might say they’re fresh or even a bold claim like ‘freshness guaranteed’? I bought a t-shirt that said that because I thought, oh boy, now THIS is what I call cool.

I got dressed one day, and I was feeling pretty good so I changed into that freshness guaranteed shirt and my toddler son threw up on me.

Pretty major set back.

Freshness not guaranteed guys.

The Health of the Blog

Lately I have been thinking about stopping my blog. It would still exist, because I occasionally think of the idea of trying to pluck the contents in some way and put into a book. Is that because I’m vain and self-loving? Maybe. But also I just love to archive things and keep around past efforts. And I do think I’d enjoy looking back at this thing some years from now and seeing how much I have changed over the ten plus years I’ve had this thing. I can look back at posts now which, for the most part, tried to be funny and think, ‘oh that’s when that thing happened and I was actually ticked off and just channeled that into this weird story.’ It’s an interesting lens I have to look at myself.

I hope, too, if I look back on old blog posts I will think of growth or how I am a different person now (ideally in a better way) than I was when I wrote that.

As for posts these days quite a few are inspired by, or directly related to, my son. I am pretty guarded about posting pictures of him on any social media because 1, that’s a decision I’m making and he’s not (even though it’s his person); and much more so 2, I think companies are generally looking for a profit and will do whatever they can to make that profit. So I’d like to minimize how much they know about my son.

But wait. I have these blog posts about him here. There’s a rub, huh? I don’t particularly enjoy writing the monthly recap on the kiddo – it’s an effort. But if I didn’t post it I don’t know that I would write them. Sad, but true. Maybe I would, and maybe I’ll try that out here in the near future.

Since I started this blog my goal was to get published. This was an effort to get noticed to help in that effort, but my efforts have really waned. Part of the fun and an important piece of having a good blog is connecting with other bloggers. I have failed to do that for a while now, and I think that has taken away from this some. And, really, I haven’t written something toward a ‘get published’ effort in a LOOOONG time. Could I maybe spend the time I spend on this blog instead writing something I consider ‘publish-worthy’ (which, let’s be honest, 99.9999999% of folks would still think is not publish-worthy).

Also since I started this blog I have randomly thought of stopping. It’s just lately I am thinking about that much more. And with my less free time life these days, why not think out loud in a blog post? Boom. One down for this week.

I may keep on going, three posts a week and everything (I *did* just buy new postcard stamps). Or maybe I’ll post when I feel like it. Or maybe it’ll be a ghost town here. Or any combination of these three. I don’t know.

These are the thoughts tumbling through my brain.

Prison Test

Dear reader,

Are you going to federal penitentiary anytime soon? I’ve got a theory I’d love for you to try.

You hear on movies and TV shows that the way you establish dominance in prison is to go and find the biggest person on your first day and pick a fight with that person.

But listen to this.

My theory is instead if on your first day you get a banana and eat it, that’ll do it. But not just any typical eating a banana, you eat the WHOLE banana. Bite after casual, enjoying this banana like anyone would enjoy a banana except I’m also eating the peel, bite.

And maybe also laugh occasionally. Say ‘no!’ to the banana like it told you something outrageously funny or offensive, and then slip in one or two very coy and slightly sexual ‘maybe.’

Let me know if 1, you’re going to prison; 2, you try this; 3, how it works out.

Thanks in advance.

yellow bananas

Photo by Juan Salamanca on Pexels.com

Good Friday

Jesus: Welcome to Heaven!

Dead Guy: Wow … Jesus?

Jesus: Yep.

Dead Guy: Wow! Imagine … dying on Good Friday and you’re the first person I meet!

Jesus: Good Friday?

Dead Guy: Yeah. It was Good Friday.

Jesus: But what’s Good Friday?

Dead Guy: Uh … well … it’s to commemorate … you dying … for … our sins?

Jesus: Yeah. Yeah. I remember the day. But why’s it Good Friday?

Dead Guy: Cause um … you’re so good to us?

Jesus: You know I was tortured that day.

Dead Guy: It … But …

Jesus: (sighs) Anyway um … Welcome.

Mother’s Iced Oatmeal Cookies

Mom: Did you hear my big news?

Child: Uh … yeah … Dad told me …

IMG_20190331_194006607Mom: Well!? Isn’t it just such a wonderful idea!?

Child: Uh … yeah … it’s exciting, mom.

Mom: Everyone has just always had such wonderful things to say about my cookies! And now everyone in the world can have them since I’m going into business!

Child: Yeah, your cookies …

Mom: Yes?

Child: They … keep. They keep better than any other cookie. Fresh or three weeks old, you can’t tell a difference.

Mom: Well, what an unusual compliment!

Child: I mean they’re good … It’s just like … Every time you have one you’re like, ‘oh yeah. This flavor.’

Mom: Now everyone will know that same delightful experience!

Child: Maybe you could have a recipe on the back to make something else with the cookies.

Mom: Like a cookie pie?

Child: No I was thinking like … a shed. Or the hull of a shipping vessel.

Mom: Hmm. Your dad said skyscrapers.

Child: Oh yeah! That’s a good one, dad.

Mom: Well. You can’t have any of these that are about to come out of the oven.

Child: All right! Thanks mom!

Mom: …

Opportunity of a Lifetime

I think if Willem Dafoe isn’t going to a costume party once every five years or so acting like a real jerk, a real a-hole, a real meany-face … he’s missing an opportunity.

Because you know who would be right behind him at the party? His ol’ nemesis … greeting everyone with a smile, a compliment, a friendly word. That’s right, it’s … Willem Dafriend.

fashion woman outside hat

Look at how funny she thinks I am.

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