The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Attn: Ellen (4/17/19)

Front

Ellen395a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen395b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

At my son’s daycare they send ‘incident reports’ if he gets banged up. The most recent one was, “[your son] was sitting on a friend, and the friend scratched his face.” The led me to conclude I wouldn’t last a day at daycare.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Music Monday

 

 

 

 

This playlist.

All Music Monday playlists.

 

Mom: Did you hear my big news?

Child: Uh … yeah … Dad told me …

IMG_20190331_194006607Mom: Well!? Isn’t it just such a wonderful idea!?

Child: Uh … yeah … it’s exciting, mom.

Mom: Everyone has just always had such wonderful things to say about my cookies! And now everyone in the world can have them since I’m going into business!

Child: Yeah, your cookies …

Mom: Yes?

Child: They … keep. They keep better than any other cookie. Fresh or three weeks old, you can’t tell a difference.

Mom: Well, what an unusual compliment!

Child: I mean they’re good … It’s just like … Every time you have one you’re like, ‘oh yeah. This flavor.’

Mom: Now everyone will know that same delightful experience!

Child: Maybe you could have a recipe on the back to make something else with the cookies.

Mom: Like a cookie pie?

Child: No I was thinking like … a shed. Or the hull of a shipping vessel.

Mom: Hmm. Your dad said skyscrapers.

Child: Oh yeah! That’s a good one, dad.

Mom: Well. You can’t have any of these that are about to come out of the oven.

Child: All right! Thanks mom!

Mom: …

Attn: Ellen (4/10/19)

Front

 

Ellen394a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen394b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think, in the history of Welch’s, anyone has even been fired for saying ‘hey! That’s really grape news!’

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

I’m not going to wait on this one, the kiddo did enough of that, the big highlight of the month was … WALKING! He had a few bouts of solo walking last month but boy it really came alive this month. The month started with a little trip my wife took to visit a friend, and my mom came and spent the weekend with the kiddo and I. Saturday night, after a day full of activities including swimming, we were hanging around in the family room and bedtime was fast approaching. Suddenly a switch flipped because he started walking. And walking. And walking. He’d go back and forth between my mom and I, ping-ponging the four or so feet between where the two of us were sitting. All the while holding baby.

Yes, my mom brought baby when she came to visit and the kiddo was delighted. He held on to her during all of her initial walking. Maybe he just needed someone’s hand to hold, and if it was an inanimate hand … so be it.

Aside from walking, it was a good visit with my mom and it’s nice to see that the kiddo is more playful and interactive with others these days (not just clinging to mom or dad out of a stranger danger reaction). Although the kiddo does still like to cling to me, and his climbing me like a tree seemed to amuse my mom. (When I’ve got him in my arms he’ll sort of reach up and climb around on my shoulder/head … I’ve got him supported the whole time but he just sort of monkeys around up there.)

My mom left, but thankfully she left baby behind. Baby has continued to be a hit all this month. Baby and Dido (our robot vacuum) are the two most requested names in the house. When the kiddo wakes up he and I often have breakfast together, and walking downstairs he’ll excitedly greet Dido by saying Dido’s name over and over. Then, around breakfast wrapping up, ‘baby! … baby! … baby!’ is the name of the game.

Baby has helped us out a few times, too. For example, the kiddo was sick at some point this month and he refused his medicine. So I got out a tiny syringe and had the kiddo give baby medicine, then boom, he took his with grace! Whala! Another time he was refusing to eat so baby fed him (which was a trick, I tell you, navigating baby ‘holding a spoon’ and feeding the kid with that). So, thanks baby, for the help. He has also put a diaper on baby a few times which is either very telling in that the kid things we aren’t gentle at all … or, perhaps more logically, his motor skills aren’t quite 100%. The diaper gets unfolded and put on the ground. Then baby is picked up and sort of smashed on top of the diaper. Then … sometimes, that’s it. All done. Other times the diaper is aggressively smashed on top of baby and then he works for quite a while to try to secure it with the straps. Whatever form it takes, that diaper business is aggressive.

I mentioned a sickness and we had two bouts of it this month. The first round was a wicked cough and maybe a fever … but the cough led to bad sleep which meant cuddling up with mom or dad through the course of the night. My wife ended up missing a day of work, and we had a weird hours day one day where I was home some, my wife some, and our sitter some. Spread the love! Thankfully he bounced back from that fairly quickly and we managed to catch up on sleep … Probably. Maybe. I don’t know. I still always feel like I could go to bed at around 7pm.

One thing we allow when the kiddo is sick is TV. Normally we have 0 TV going when the kiddo is awake and boy is it crazy how much he loves it. Just the littlest taste and he can’t get enough. After that round of sickness he kept pointing at the TV and saying, ‘me-me … me-me’ which was educational because who knew he had a word for TV? Thankfully that has since dropped off because he’s been TV free for a few weeks now.

Another new word this month was … ‘a poop.’ It was amazing. My wife and I were hanging out in the family room one day, or maybe it was just me, and the kiddo said, ‘a poop.’ I said, ‘do you have a poop?’ and he responded, very helpfully, with, ‘a poop.’ I looked and holy smokes … he’s right! He has a poop! He is starting to figure out bathroom stuff! Later that day or the next the same thing happened and my wife and I were so pleased, and adoring of his smarts, and really applauding him and … that backfired. Because then he just started saying ‘a poop’ all the time for no reason. It was still an entertaining little phrase for him to say but much less accurate. Our adoration died off and I think he’s now slowly sliding back into accurate territory.

Another fun weekend this past month was when my wife’s folks came into town. They were here for a long weekend and my wife and I had a nice outing of just the two of us, and we all headed to the mountains to go sledding together. That was a strange day because of a sudden bit of sickness. I drove the kiddo in my car, and my wife and her folks rode in the other. The idea was that the kiddo would nap in a quiet car with me. We arrived and I got out of the car only to find my son looking very out of it and with a chest covered in puke. Not great. I wasn’t sure when during the drive he threw up but oh he was looking pretty sad. We decided to walk around for a while and be low key to get a read on the kiddo and he perked up nicely with whatever it was out of his belly. We ended up doing some sledding with him mostly watching (he is greatly amused by ol’ mom and dad sledding) but it was clear he was still a bit off. The next morning that was confirmed when he threw up on me about a half dozen times or so. My wife gave him some medicine which thankfully settled his little belly and the road to recovery began. It was a short stomach bug but it worked its magic because it managed to transfer to my wife, my wife’s mom, and myself. That seems to be an unfortunate ritual we have had the last two visits with my wife’s folks. You get a stomach bug, and YOU get a stomach bug, and YOUUUUU get a stomach bug! And, strangely, my wife and I’s pattern tends to always be first the kiddo, then my wife, then me. And it’s always a slightly different form for each of us.

We ended up having a day where we stayed home with the kiddo … but not for some lame stomach bug nonsense. No, no, no. It was for a BLIZZARD! We had some classic bonkers Colorado weather where we went to the park one afternoon, 50s or maybe low 60s out, and then the next day … blizzard. The bad weather didn’t arrive til about 10 so my wife went out and got us some ‘blizzard provisions’ which included junk food for us grown ups for lunch (while the kiddo napped) and donuts. This included donut holes for the kiddo which was very entertaining. For some reason he thought it was an apple so we kept hearing ‘apple?’ the rest of the day. Yeah kid, we know, you want another.

And speaking of requests … the kiddo’s language has kicked on again. For a while I think he was so focused on walking that the language subsided (the PT helper had suggested that would happen) but it has come on again. It’s especially fun reading to him and seeing what he knows in books. Although, it’s a real crap shoot. You can look at a page and he’ll identify grapes, shoes, a baby, fish, pencils, and a bird. And then you ask again and he points to a baby when you ask where a cat is … But, but, you KNOW what cats are! So, who knows. It’s all a mystery inside that tiny, crazy brain.

Another fun thing, and cause of guilt at the moment, are new swimming lessons! We missed a bunch in his last class because of illness and visitors. When I went to sign him up for the 18 month to 3 year old class (meaning he’d now be the runt) we were put on the wait list. Eventually the teacher called my wife and we got in! Hooray! And my wife said sorry he was sick so much last time, we’ll be there more next time and what do you know, of the 3 classes so far this round we’ve only made one of them. DOH! Hopefully we’ll have a clean attendance record from here on out.

I mentioned above the kiddo and I often have breakfast together. On work days I swim on Tuesdays and Thursdays, come home and shower, then have breakfast with the kiddo. (Although lately he wakes up wanting to eat PRONTO so I’ve missed some.) He is getting better and better with the spoon which is really neat to see. And I don’t have my hand constantly on the bowl (he was inclined to flip the bowl for a while). He doesn’t just use the spoon to get stuff, he seems to seek out cheerios (or whatever) to get on the spoon and scoops much more! The scooping is often combined with him saying ‘scoop’ which is fun, too. That was a big effort of my wife’s to get him to learn scooping, and she would say the word over and over so … now we have this.

And, great news, I finally finished reading the book about raising a 12-24 month old. That’s right. Finished right before he turned 19 months. Impressive, right? Now I’m on to reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block. Hopefully this time I make better progress.

March 2019 Haiku

March 1 (Friday)
Wife gone for weekend
My mom’s flying in to help
And freeze (temp’s ZERO)

March 2 (Saturday)
Swim lesson today
Big windows show snow falling
While we play in pool

March 3 (Sunday)
Kiddo is WALKING
He BEAMS as he takes some steps
He’s so pleased! (Us, too!)

March 4 (Monday)
My mom brought ‘baby’
Kid walks holding baby doll
Happiness abounds

March 5 (Tuesday)
Kiddo has new cough
The little disease magnet
Please sleep despite cough?!

March 6 (Wednesday)
Babysitter time
Kid and sitter snuggle up
Rest up, lil cougher

March 7 (Thursday)
Wife stays home with son
Low key day with hopes of sleep
Emphasis on hope

March 8 (Friday)
Dear sleep gods … THANK YOU
Kid and I snuggled some, then …
He slept 10 straight hours!

March 9 (Saturday)
New swim class begins …
Class goes up to 3 year olds
(Runt of litter here!)

March 10 (Sunday)
Kid’s vocab grows on
Wish he’d say them in a row
For record keeping

March 11 (Monday)
Meeting to find out
Just how lost/confused are we?
Lead’s way late (not great)

March 12 (Tuesday)
Tomorrow: blizzard
Today: playing at the park
60 degrees out!

March 13 (Wednesday)
‘Blizzard provisions’
Includes donut holes for kid
Surprise: he LOVES them

March 14 (Thursday)
Kid demands: ‘apple!’
Healthy? No. That’s what he called
Donut hole he had

March 15 (Friday)
Grandparents in town
Kid eats up all eyes on him
Playing peek-a-boo

March 16 (Saturday)
Sledding adventure
Kid feels off, sits and watches
Silly mom and dad

March 17 (Sunday)
Grandparents watch kid
While he takes FOUR HOUR NAP
Boring gig for them

March 18 (Monday)
Basement starts today!
Noise, strangers for many weeks
Will be great when done!

March 19 (Tuesday)
Why’s it called Tuesday?
Cause it’s twice the fun of Monday!
…I’ll see myself out

March 20 (Wednesday)
FAST basement progress
In the same time I would have
Hammered in one board

March 21 (Thursday)
Kid sick this weekend
Then, per our pattern, mom’s turn
Now it is my turn

March 22 (Friday)
Stomach says ‘I’m fine!’
No food last night so I EAT
Stomach says, ‘uh … sooo …’

March 23 (Saturday)
Minimal movement
Plus having a toddler means
Wife does all the work

March 24 (Sunday)
A bit better now
Museum with the kiddo
Fun stuff to see/do

March 25 (Monday)
After rough weekend
Monday is no spot of joy
Here we go, long week

March 26 (Tuesday)
Sweet – ran those commands!
Now we get to the hard part
What did I just do?

March 27 (Wednesday)
Post-work walk with son
Key step is: stop, pick up dirt
And just stare at it

March 28 (Thursday)
Kid’s spoon skills are great!
Can eat cereal solo*!
*Sans random bowl flips …

March 29 (Friday)
Kid woke up crying
‘Want to come cuddle with dad?’
Aggressive nod yes

March 30 (Saturday)
Date day with Mrs.
Enjoying nature’s splendor
Then, belly’s splendor

March 31 (Sunday)
Kid, wife at playdate
So it’s mini donuts and
Action flick for me

Attn: Ellen (4/3/19)

Front

 

Ellen393a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen393b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I decided when retire I’m going to move to Tibet and build a wall. (Psst. My hope is it’ll be so nice and wall-like people will call it the Even Better Wall of Tibet.)

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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