The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Mitad Del Mundo

A stone monument in Ecuador that was constructed between 1979 and 1982 to mark the “Middle of the World.” (Ecuador is on the equator.) Since the construction, satellites
have determined that the monument is off by about 984 feet. The position for construction of this landmark, again, begun in 1979, was based off measurements taken during
the 1736 French Geodesic Mission. Mitad Del Mundo translates to “like, basically halfway point … basically … of the world.”
Foreman: Right here!mitad_del_mundo_quito_ecuador_2015-07-22_dd_12
Worker: Wow! How do you know?
Foreman (laughs condescendingly): It involves some pretty complex math, friend, I can’t explain all of it to you.
Worker: Would you mind trying?
Foreman (looks nervous): Uh … well … You look at the position of the stars, and … the sun … to … calculate … the Earth’s velocity … circumnavigationally … As I said, it’s pretty complex. I don’t remember all the right words, but I can see the numbers in my head. The numbers originally came from some French math mission, so they are pretty reliable.
Worker: Oh wow. Did the French just come through here a few years ago?
Foreman: Ah … no. It was … Over two hundred years ago.
Worker: Wow! And we matched that with current math to double check?
Foreman: No … We feel confident in those numbers.
Worker: From the 1800s?
Foreman: No, actually, from the 1700s.
Worker: Oh…kay…
Foreman: …Start digging!

Attn: Ellen (9/28/16)

Front

ellen279a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen279b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think animals recognize adorableness in other animals? Perhaps a wolf is out hunting and sees baby raccoons and says, “aw come on, I can’t eat them! Look at them! Widdle guys! Awww! OK. Time to go eat a baby deer … Wait, shoot!”

I guess it’s unlikely, but I think I would make a bad animal.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Music Monday

Is it physically possible to listen to this and not dance?

 

 

 

 

This gallery contains 5 photos.

Attn: Ellen (9/21/16)

Front

ellen278a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen278b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I imagine if you sat outside a middle school gym on the night of the science fair taking video of people walking out it would be a lot like an ad for a men’s golf tournament.

A bunch of 30’s-50’s guys in nice pants and polos doing mildly excited fist pumps. (Excited about honorable mentions or birdies, I guess.)

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Concentric Circles of Caring

Organizing things is fun. It can help you feel productive and give you a sense of order and control over an otherwise unpredictable affair called life.
Organizing the people you are closest to is admittedly less fun. But that ordering exists whether you want to recognize it or not.
It’s all about the concentric circles of caring, and you are smack dab in the middle.
If some outsider comes and says something awful about someone who lives in one of your outermost circles you’ll question that outsider and defend that person. If someone
in your innermost circle deliberately hits that person on the outermost circle with their car (just a friendly tap), and then laughs and posts a video on YouTube,
you’ll be sad. Not sad about the car thing, but sad because what the hell innermost circle person, what kind of weird twisted logic am I going to have to employ
to defend you?
“Well, there are always two sides to every story … right? And I mean, sure, the YouTube video looks bad but I’m SURE something happened that led to this. I just feel like …
lets wait until all the facts come out, you know?”
That’s the kind of willful ignorance that only someone you really like gets the benefit of.
You may be a lover, not a fighter, you may love all of your friends and family deeply and without hesitation, but if Bob and Sally end up exchanging words and you find
yourself sure that one of them is in the right, well buddy, welcome to the concentric circles of caring.

Listen Up, Healthy Foods!

We all know that fast food commercials show a version of the fast food that doesn’t exist. Not even in their test kitchens. It is fake food, or food that is real but has been sprayed or modified to make it non-edible. (Think of that perfect slice of pizza, that when grabbed is left with the cheese being pulled between the pie and the single slice.)

I’m not going to talk about that, instead I’m going to talk about an ad for healthy foods. Why not something like this.

Fast food commercials show people happily eating fast food. Here is a Taco Bell dude happily eating Taco Bell.

And of COURSE these people are happy. They are eating foods that are not good for the body and through some cruel evolutionary twist that is exactly what we like.

What healthy foods should do, fruits, milk, whatever (various industries of healthier stuff) – show a commercial where you have people happily eating fast food. Then people eating something healthy with a moderate amount of enjoyment. Then show us those same people twenty minutes later, with the fast food-ers sitting next to a grease-stained bag and an unhappy look on their face, perhaps a statement to a pal, “why do we eat this stuff?” Then the healthy food-ers twenty minutes later, chilling out, happy, feeling good.

You heard it here first healthy food industry advertisement magnates (pfft, like you exist) – please credit me when you run this ad.

%d bloggers like this: