The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Superman Socks

Recently I bought a 2-pack of socks which feature the Superman logo on them. I was excited because they were clearance socks, and Superman. A double win, clearly.

When I got home I noticed that the socks each said something. One pair says ‘Strong’ and the other pair says ‘Stronger.’

This was a lot to take in.

What does this mean? Are all of my days relative to one another? Are my only options Strong or Stronger? Did Superman not have days where, sure, it’s sunny outside, but hey man, it’s a rainy day on the inside. I bet he did. Where is my Superman logo socks that say ‘Melancholy’ and ‘Melancholy-er’ (for those extra melancholy days).

Should I mix and match the socks? Forever demoting my left foot to just be Strong? (Let’s face it left, you are the weaker foot).

IMG_20181120_181100608Maybe I should only plan on wearing one pair of socks but bringing the other pair with me. That way if the day starts off and I’m feeling great I’ll leave wearing ‘Stronger’ but then I’ve had lunch, slowed down, and now I am feeling a mere ‘Strong’ ranking so I change. Then when I get home my wife will know, ‘oh no, he’s self-demoted.’

What would other super hero socks say? For Batman it could be ‘Conniving’ and ‘Connivingest.’ The Flash ought to be something like ‘Fast’ and ‘Sassy’ just to keep you guessing. I’d wear those in a heartbeat.

Target should’ve warned me about this purchase.

Hey man, just a heads up, those socks are going to raise a lot more questions than they’re going to provide answers.

I’ve got to go, a guy just walked by me wearing Superman socks that say ‘Strongest’ and as I’m wearing ‘Stronger’ today I’m pretty sure we need to fight to the death. Let’s go Bizarro. (Or am I the Bizarro?!)

Wish me luck.

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Attn: Ellen (12/5/18)

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Ellen377b

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen377a

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think in ancient times (whatever that means) there was some village elder who would go out on hunts and point to different animals and say either “delicious” or “belch?” Because really, who looks at big hairy animals and thinks “YUM!”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

The Look He Craved

Joe was a practical man. When there was a potential problem he took practical steps to mitigate that problem. In 1999, when Y2K talk was rampant Joe bought a large number of foodstuffs to store away as a precautionary measure.

Now, in 2018, some of the foods were just a year away from hitting their expiration time.

Joe, practical as ever, decided to make a meal out of some of those to-be-expired foods and the meal almost made him want to commit acts of horrible unpleasantness. The food had not held up very well.

But, Joe thought, I can’t just let this food go to waste. That would be … wasteful. (Practical even in his word choices.)

Joe had been working for 32 years and approached work from a … you guessed it … practical perspective. Yes, some of his co-workers occasionally made him want to commit acts of horrible unpleasantness but you just grit your teeth and go on.

Perhaps, maybe, on occasion, Joe did little things to get back at his loathsome coworkers to level out his emotional state. Nothing extreme, just enough to balance the scorecard. For example, Joan prints every email she gets even though that’s dumb. Joe, Mr. Practical, got Joan fired by sabotaging the data she reported on to make her appear inept.

Ahhh. Wait. Joe. You did what?

Looking at this large stockpile of to-be-expired foods Joe crafted a plan.

No, seriously. You got her fired? That’s …

Joe began to make delicious looking dishes using this food and would bring them to the office on occasion. Never frequently, because people might start to leearn to avoid the snacks left out in the breakroom.

Joe. Dude.

But piece by piece, can by can, Joe got rid of his Y2K supply. And oh, that sweet reward. That look of bitter betrayel as someone would bite into what appeared to be a delicious snack …

Joe, seriously. I don’t want to be your narrator anymore. You’re not right, man.

Joe, ever practical, had already set his sights on what would come next for him. He knew he needed to continue to dish up revenge for those he felt did not live by a good set of rules. He was running to be HOA president. Joe knew he could continue to get that look of betrayel, acting as a dedicated member of the HOA.

Fin.

Guess who recently had a piece of very old Halloween candy when someone brought in a bag of leftovers? And guess who recently was annoyed by their HOA?

Your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger,
DumbFunnery

marketing man person communication

Some can of mystery meat making this man go insane, no doubt. Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

 

 

 

Biomimicry

‘Imagine trying to design spring.’

A field that I find absolutely fascinating is biomimicry. I would love to have a job where I just got to learn about really smart people coming up with ways to use biomimicry, and then I just got to go around bragging about how cool it is. Wouldn’t that be a great job?

Biomimicry is imitating, or studying and attempting to replicate nature’s solutions to problems that we also face. Effective and efficient speed. Incredibly tough yet flexible ways of moving heavy items. So, so many problems nature has already solved in a brilliant way because had they not solved those, those animals or insects would be dead.

This is a lazy post, I’m just going to point to intelligent things others have written about this field … but I also wanted to highlight the field in case you’d never heard of it. Because it is super cool!

For example, here’s a TED Talk (an old one).

Here’s the place that TED Talk person is associated with.

And here is an article citing some specific examples.

It’s super cool stuff! It is neat engineering, science, and respect of the amazing world that we get to occupy.

elephant cub kenya savanna

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Attn: Ellen (11/28/18)

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Ellen376a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen376b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I recently went to my first sporting event at Denver University. I don’t know if they have an honors college, but if they don’t they’re missing a real t-shirt selling opportunity. I mean, like, really. D.U.H.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Here we find ourselves (we meaning me, myself and I) a few days into month 14 and lo and behold, the mighty munchkin continues to delight. I have found it weird that this is my comparison point – but here it is. It’s like a new relationship when you’re dating someone, except the shine has not really rubbed off. There are times that I think, ‘oh I’m tired … I wish I could just do nothing all day long’ but the little fella continues to pass along a steady diet of love and happiness, with bouts of sleeplessness and irritability.

What’s that rambling nonsense? Is that coffee-fueled jabber? Sure. Yes. But also that’s month 14. Ka-chow.

Month 14 seemed big. They’ve all been big, but this one felt like a number of mental things clicked for the little guy that have been so exciting to see.

This is a month 15 story, and I’m sorry to steal your thunder 15, but this feels representative of month 14. My wife and I went over to the kiddo’s ‘school’ for Halloween the other day and when I walked in the room my wife informed me excitedly, ‘he knows how to say high five!’ And yes, sure enough, our son would excitedly say high five, and/or hold up his tiny little adorable hand and then if you high fived he would say ‘high five.’ Do you know just how STRANGE it is to have someone who you spend tons of time with, who you adore endlessly, and who is only capable of about 10 words surprise you with a new word/phrase? It’s odd, and delightful. Also, his ‘high five’ is really more of a ‘ha fa’ but he knows what’s up.

The month started off with a new streak of independence which we had yet to see, and it showed up consistently at mealtime causing us some consternation until we figured it out. The kiddo had a sudden interest in taking a much more active role in feeding himself, and it showed up as rejecting old fan favorites and being a little tyrant at the table until it clicked. We figured it out one day with blueberries. We had cut a number in half because he has some personal revolt against chewing and will swallow down large chunks of food with a pained look on his face as the food goes down, then quickly reach out and repeat the whole painful process. But no, I don’t want those blueberry halves. We tried this, that, and the other thing but what finally worked, and worked very well, was holding the container out to him. He pounced on it and would grab tiny adorable handfuls and throw them in his mouth, chewing his little meaningless chews and swallowing painfully. But hey, he was eating. Phew. The same trend showed up in other foods … string cheese was no longer cut up, he got the whole stick. Bananas likewise are now served in about 3 or 4 big chunks instead of little bite sized pieces. It makes mealtime easier all in all, but it took a bit to figure out this new desire.

I don’t know when this happened exactly, it was before month 14, but I think I’ve yet to mention it so I’ll do so now. Another word in the kid’s small but growing list is book. It’s really just a b noise, but he knows what it means because he’ll pick up a book, hold it in the air, and say, ‘buh … buh … buh.’ He’ll look at you while doing this, which means please read me this book, dear mother or father. And if you’re busy cleaning up or doing something else you’ll eventually hear his little persistent noise, look up, and see him patiently waiting while repeating ‘buh’ over and over. It is almost incomprehensibly adorable. Naturally, you plop down near him and he’ll excitedly crawl right up to you with the book and then become overjoyed when you open up the book to start reading. He especially loves The Pout Pout Fish. One funny part about this is that you have an almost 0% chance of actually reading the book. He loves turning pages and will aggressively turn the pages on you as you attempt to read, skipping large chunks of the book with his fat-fingered page turning. Generally The Pout Pout Fish is reduced to about 20 words, scattered across various pages. One morning I did manage to read about 50% of Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb about 10 times. That was a very exciting morning. Dum ditty dum ditty dum ditty dum.

The words we’ve got going now, perhaps mostly in the order of appearance: dog, dad, mom, ball, bye, book, banana, airplane, car, high five, outside. Airplanes get a reaction even when we’re inside the house. He’ll hear one, point to the sky and say, ‘ah-pane.’

The word car seemed to arrive instantly, and boy was it an exciting walk when that word first appeared. We have, as one might expect in a suburban neighborhood, a lot of cars. And you know who delighted in pointing out every car? Our little wordsmith. Something between a ‘cat’ and a ‘gah’ and a happy point at car, after car, after car, after car. Sometimes a pause to wave at a car driving by as I would wave (it feels weird to point to random neighbors cars as they drive by so I try to wave to make it not seem like I’m being ominous or threatening).

The language front has been amazing this past month, which has been wonderful to witness.

Now on to the physicality. The kiddo is still not walking, which is completely fine, but boy do I dislike it when people say, ‘he’s not walking yet?’ or any variation on that. This does nothing for us, or the person saying it, so … why say it? That said, we have had a lot of fun physical developments.

He climbed down the stairs backwards for the first time during this month, and just like when he learned to climb up them he went from never having done it to expert in seemingly no time at all. Initially he wanted to crawl down things face forward, which would lead to me flipping him around and trying to pull him down backwards to show him. He didn’t like that and would try and squirm away from me till one day – boom. I get it. And away he went. That day he climbed up the stairs over and over just to get the chance to then climb down them. My wife said he would occasionally crawl up one or two steps then point at the top of the stairs so she would carry him up so that he could climb down again. Crafty, lazy, stair descending monster.

The next big happening was my wife’s first night away from the little guy since his time in the NICU. She took a short trip to hang out with a friend for the weekend so the little guy and I had some nice adventures of our own – a museum, swim lessons, a Halloween thing and some typical errands. It was a great weekend with the little guy, made all the better by the fact that sleep changed this month and became somewhat reliably good. He’d still wake up one or two times a night, but a quick visit to hand him his pacifier and re-sing the putdown song or letting him cry for 2 or 3 minutes usually did the trick to get him back into a solid sleep. The difference that makes is huge, and made the weekend (and this last month in general) much easier on the parental side. I can’t overstate what a big difference solid, predictable sleep makes. As I write this he’s napping (and, ironically, his first nap was oddly short today so we’ll see how this one goes).

During that weekend the mornings were spent the same way my wife spends them … wake up, play for a bit, breakfast, play for a bit, then a walk, playing and an-time. The walk pretty much always involves a stop off at the nearby park where he loves the swings and these little spinny type toys. It’s like a little dome you sit in and someone else spins it. It’s hysterical to watch his little eyes when he gets stopped because they bounce around as he tries to come back from the dizziness. But he loves it. Because as soon as things quit spinning for him and his eyes can focus, he begins to rock back and forth, his hands still holding on, waiting for you to start spinning him again. But oh … when you leave … that’s his least favorite part. And if you dare walk by the playground casually without stopping? He’s not a fan of that either. Usually my trick is to find some other thing to point out to distract him – oh look, an airplane!, or oooh a neighbor’s dog! Thankfully distractions exist in spades.

Ok friends, gut check. Even I am sick of writing this down. But you know who might not be sick of reading this a ways down the road from now? My son-loving future self. So, here’s to you, pal.

This month also featured … clapping! I know this is typically something kids conquer much earlier but we never clapped at home, so I think this is something he likely picked up from daycare. I don’t have too much to say about that, it was just fun to see him clap. I think sometimes he claps because he enjoys the act of clapping, and other times it’s because something happened that he liked (generally food-related).

This one may be silly, but I was pretty enthused in the moment. The kiddo and I were at the nearby playground, which has the play area’s ground comprised of small pebbles. The kiddo loves to grab handfuls of small things and then he pulls his arm back so his hand is at his side, near his waist, and then he drops whatever it is (mulch, pebbles, sand, whatever). He was doing this over and over when I got his attention and showed him what I like to do at the beach – grab a handful (pebbles instead of sand), and then slowly open my hand and let it drain out between my fingers. I did this over and over and then lo and behold, he switched from his method to mimicking what I was doing! Amazing! He only did it a few times before he decided he liked his game more … but it was the first time I’d seen him see me doing something and then so quickly mimic it.

And speaking of learning things … We went to a pumpkin patch one weekend and the kiddo went down a slide. This was the first time I’d seen him kind of scoot his body forward to get into a spot where he’d actually start to slide down. This was very fun to see but it showed up again later at his swim lessons when he squirmed/scooted his little body from the side of the pool, where I’d placed him, toward me in the water. It was fun watching his tiny little self sort of trust fall into me from the side of the pool, excitedly reaching out and grinning as he’d come at me.

Last but certainly not least, and another late blooming thing – peek-a-boo! This month the kiddo really fell in love with that, and it’s been hysterical to watch. He is terrible at it. He’ll cover one eye with his hand and stare at you with the other. But with an object like a towel or pillow he’s great, he’ll hide behind it and then we ask where he is excitedly and boom, he reveals he’s been there all along. Boy, aren’t mom and dad stupid for not knowing I was right here? One adorable and sad daycare pickup was when I showed up and he had clearly just been crying, but I walked in the door and he’s sitting with tears on his face, his tired little eyes, and boom, he throws his hands up to immediately begin a peek-a-boo game with old pop. Heartbreaking and sweet.

Anywho … that’s 14. I may have to revisit how I do these because boy, even I’m bored at this moment.

If you’ve stuck with me, you really ought to get a life.

Attn: Ellen (11/21/18)

Front

Ellen375a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen375b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here’s a trick I learned for Thanksgiving. If you don’t eat to the point of hating yourself, it’s actually a really nice day with friends and family.

But guess what Aunt Carol, I’m eating till I wanna puke so go screw yourself.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

P.S. Happy Turkey Day!

Why am I doing this?

 

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