The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

This weekend I welcome college football back into my life. Saturday SMU will play North Texas, a game that SHOULD be a game SMU wins, but you just never know.

The next weekend SMU plays again, this time against Baylor. A game I will describe as “missable” since I am pretty sure SMU will be a tune up for Baylor. However, West Point will be starting its football season with a game against Rice. This is a game that West Point could win, and so I will be listening with anguish, grief, agony, you name it (that is, unless Rice jumps out to a 40 point lead).

The very next day, the NFL has its first weekend of action.

Oh yes, it is an exciting time … but also terrible.

If SMU or Army are playing a game they could win and they perform poorly, or they hang in there with a tougher opponent but snatch defeat from the jaws of victory … well, it is heart-wrenching.

I recently thought out loud to my wife, “I wonder if I’d be happier if I never watched sports.” She thinks I’m nuts. But it’s like a great book, you root for a character even if they always come up short, you celebrate their occasional victories with joy but you grit your teeth and brace for the worst while hoping for the best.

Come on SMU, come on West Point, defy expectations!

(As for the NFL side I tend to be less emotional … but the Cardinals and Texans do have their own little keys to my heart.)

This gallery contains 5 photos.

Attn: Ellen (8/24/16)

Front

Ellen274a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen274b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I wonder if Lewis and Clark kept tallies on each other, for how many times they said, “aww!” Also I wonder if they said “AHHHHH!!!” just as many times.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Recently I thought to myself, “do you think you get all the jokes when you read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” in the 9th grade?”

And in response I said to myself, “shh, I think something cool is about to happen!”

And in response I sat down next to myself and said quietly, “oh sorry, what’re you watching?”

And in response to that I said, “dude, seriously!”

hhgg-hhgg-softAnd then we both sat and waited til the episode was over and then I realized, you know, I should watch the next episode. And tomorrow night, I should start re-reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Having finished re-reading the book, I enjoyed it less than the first time I read the book. The reason, I think, is because the first time I read the book it was required the summer before my freshman year and the other required reading book was The Old Man and the Sea. (What a combo, huh?) I read Hemingway’s book first and then Hitchhiker’s and I think that added to the enjoyment. Also, it may have been the first time I read such a silly book that wasn’t a children’s book. It was eye-opening. You can be nonsensical and ridiculous and people can throw lofty praises your way? That was amazing to me.

The book itself was probably better this time around, but the novelty of it and how refreshing it was to read in comparison to The Old Man and the Sea make the experience of reading it the first time fairly unbeatable.

Enough of my rambling, time for a few quotes.

 

“then why do you do it? What is it? The girls The leather? The machismo? Or do you just find that comping to terms with the mindless tedium of it all presents an interesting challenge?”

 

She wished she knew what it was she was trying not to think about.

 

“Hi there! This is Eddie, your shipboard computer, and I’m feeling just great, guys, and I know I’m just going to get a bundle of kicks out of any program you care to run through me.”

 

There are of course many problems connected with life, of which some of the most popular are Why are people born? Why do they die? Why do they want to spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?

Olympics stud Michael Phelps will be hanging up his swimming cap and goggles … but what will he do now?

Don’t worry – I’ve got some ideas, Phelpsy old pal.
160630101057-michael-phelps-u-s-trials-exlarge-169

High five anyone? Please?

Spy
Intimidating guard with gun and official looking hat: What are you doing in this classified area?!
Michael Phelps: Wait, THIS isn’t a swimming pool!
Intimidating guard (laughing): Oh, Phelps!
Corporate Spy
Intimidating guard with lanyard and official looking polo: What are you doing in this classified area!?
Michael Phelps: Wait, THIS isn’t a swimming pool!
Intimidating guard (laughing): Oh, Phelpsy!
Dancer for Money
Slimy middle-aged man with an overbite and an abundant belly: Dance, monkey.
Michael Phelps (crying): (Cry noises)
Commercials for any number of products
 
(Intimidating side effects of a drug)
Michael Phelps: Now I’m ready for a swim!
(More side effects)

Attn: Ellen (8/17/16)

Front

Ellen273a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen273b

The text of the postcard is

Do you love beauty?
Do you like seeing your breath?
Come to Alaska!!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

I love the Olympics – that much talent, drive, ambition? The heartbreak, the glory? It’s all great. (The tape delay coverage of only events where the US medals can be a little frustrating, but I do appreciate a canned summary style approach since I can’t watch Olympics all day every day. Although that would make for an amazing and ironically lazy vacation.)
This year for the first time that I have seen the Olympics coverage is getting heat for some sexist coverage.
I am going to admit something that I don’t want to admit. A lot of times when I read things about something sexist happening, my instinct is to dismiss it. My first thought is usually that someone is crying wolf or needs to get over it (in my defense, I feel like I tend to react to most articles thinking that people are too often on the side of dumb and dramatic. In other words, I’m no stranger to being mean and/or judgmental.)
I say that about being dismissive in case you are like me, to maybe lend credence to my words. I am going to share with you my reaction to a comment I heard the other night during a US-Sweden beach volleyball match.
Announcer: “and the mother of three comes up with another huge block!” (or some sort of fantastic play, Walsh Jennings is a beast.)
Me: I bet that’ll be a comment that is dissected for being sexist.
Counter-Me: But is it sexist? I mean, she had three kids and she is THAT fit and athletic. Having kids takes a toll and is a massive time commitment, so that is just plain  impressive.
Me: Yeah but would you ever hear, who was that cornerback in the NFL with a crap ton of kids from different ladies?, ‘And so and so, a father of seven, with an amazing pick!’
Counter-Me: No, but that doesn’t take any effort. If he was a good dad who spend tons of time with the kids, that’d be one thing. But being pregnant and having a kid is a whole lot more physically tolling than providing one ingredient for the recipe.
Me: But isn’t there sort of an implied thing there? Moms work harder than dads?
Counter-Me: Well … yeah, but that’s true most of the time, right? How is that bad?
Me: Maybe it’s not bad. But consider this. The implication that moms work harder than dads also means there is something of an expectation there. That it is ‘weird’ for a dad to stay at home after kids enter the picture but not for a mom. And if it’s not weird for a mom to stay home, does that mean it’s weird for a mom to NOT stay at home?
There are just all kinds of possible subtle expectations when you have assumed roles for men and women. I mean, just think about how many veterans are committing suicide – could that be influenced by the fact that women are expected to show emotions, and men aren’t? You have all these guys with incredibly trying and possibly awful experiences and they come home and the ‘normal’ thing to do is say, “I’m fine,” crack a beer, and move on?
Counter-Me: Ok … so, what? Everything is sort of secretly biased?
Me: No. It’s natural, when someone points out something that you might be doing wrong, to take that to an extreme. ‘Oh I OFFENDED you?! I OFFENDED YOU!? Well, let me just NEVER TALK AGAIN!’ All I’m saying is, when someone says something is sexist, or racist, or whatever, ask a bunch of questions, try to relate it to something personal, think through it slowly and if possible without emotion. Give it a proper smell test.
Counter-Me: So what if the announcer had said, “another huge block from Kerri Walsh Jennings! It’s incredible, the talent, the drive, the effort she has. She is a caring mom to three kids and the fact that she can balance the kids and the volleyball is impressive.’ … Would that be ok?
Me: Yeah I think so. But the thing is, it doesn’t need to come up that often. Say it every once and a while, but for the most part marvel at each play as it stands. Imagine how much more annoying NFL announcers would be if they brought up the players life outside of football every other play.
Ok, that concludes my thoughts I suppose. All I’m saying is – try to be aware of your words. And if I have said something crazy, or stupid, please let me know via email (DumbFunnery@gmail.com) or comments.
Lastly, as a reminder, because this word has a lot of negative connotations I think.
Feminism, in case you are unaware, is defined as the following, “the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.” Those who are not feminists are OK with the idea of a man flipping burgers for X dollars an hour, and a woman flipping burgers at the same skill level to earn less than X. To me, feminism represents being fair.
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