DumbFunnery

Together, we can reclaim our building heritage. We will build gleaming new roads, bridges, highways, railways, and waterways across our land. And we will do it with American heart, American hands, and American grit. – DJT, SOTU

In our drive to make Washington accountable, we have eliminated more regulations in our first year than any administration in history. – DJT, SOTU

DumbFunnery had the amazing opportunity to visit one of President Donald Josephine Trump’s new roads that is connected to one of his new bridges that he talked about at his State of the Union address.

Possible inspiration.

The road is certainly gleaming. Never before have I seen a road that was constructed with 1% glitter. It is, in fact, dangerous. I met with an optometrist who lives near the area and wrote countless letters objecting to a literal gleaming road, but her letters went unheard. Her local representative, a republican, said that progress won’t be slowed, and then the local republican quoted President Trump, “America is a nation of builders. We built the Empire State Building in just 1 year — is it not a disgrace that it can now take 10 years just to get a permit approved for a simple road?”

To that end, I guess, they took it as a challenge to do as little as possible in the way of feasibility studies or ensuring that the road was placed in a spot that made sense (it doesn’t), that it is sound (it isn’t) and that it doesn’t literally cause blinding because of the ‘gleaming’ aspect. Donald Jacqueline Trump may love things to have a gilded appearance, but sometimes that is a horrible, horrible idea.

Ah look, another officer has arrived at the scene to provide traffic control assistance after someone accidentally drove off the gleaming bridge as the sun began to rise. The officer is wearing one of those ‘just got my eyes dilated’ pairs of sunglasses provided by the kind optometrist.

Thankfully, because this project seemed to embrace progress over logic, the bridge is not actually over a body of water, so the driver will be just fine. Though his car will likely be dirty.

I’m getting a closer look at the road and the construction company, ICE Construction, actually used literal hands and … oh God tell me that’s not a heart. I was told by an official spokesperson from ICE that

Be afraid, America. Be very afraid.