The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Weekly Wacko (15)

Tee-niniest Bit of Fun

Today (1/21/2010), my Mom and I drove around a Houston suburb to look for an apartment. As part of my move, my work paid for a real estate agent of sorts. She does apartments though. This woman, S, also had another agent working with her, K, who was learning the area.

I can’t write well enough to capture their accents, and I can’t remember word-for-word what was said at any one apartment, but here’s a sampling.

The four of us saw four apartments today – who knew that could take so much time. The first two were cheaper apartments, in every sense of the word. Coming from a studio I was fine with a smaller apartment, but it was clear S did not like the cheaper places. My mom was not thrilled with them either.

At the second apartment complex my mom noticed a sign posted outside some of the doors. It was alerting people about an ‘incident’ that had recently occurred where three residents were robbed at gun point.

My mom told me, ‘this place is out.’

(I’m not in California anymore – a news report is on right now about a nut job who went and shot randomly at the state capital. A state Senator wants better security. But, get this, you’re allowed to carry guns there with the right permit. Not California.)

The third complex S was very excited about – it was more expensive and blah blah nicer, fancier. This is the one I ended up picking. The woman who saw us around there was … unique (of the six places total I’ve seen – five of them had females show us around, one was a guy). She was a sweet lady, but a bit chatty for me.

After my mom, S, K and I left, we had this (not exact, but same idea) talk:

S: Oh, gosh, I’d forgotten how she can go on.
K: I know it! That poor thing!
S: You think she has that ADD? Bless her heart. [Note, ADD is not something you catch like ‘that bug.’]
K: You think so? Bless her heart.
S: Maybe. I just wanted her to shut up.

As my mom said (somewhat tongue-in-cheek), bless her heart is a southern get of guilt free card that allows you to say whatever you want, as long as it’s followed by bless his/her heart. I wonder what the equivalent is when you write a blog poking fun at people? Bless everyone’s heart.

(Ok, not in California again – another news report about the KKK trying to RECRUIT, door-to-door, in a town near where I’ll be living. To be fair, when I moved to California one of the first reports I saw was Code Pink (a super liberal group) trying to get a Marine recruiting office kicked out of California. And they of course had ridiculously stupid quotes from them saying the Marines are this, that and the other.)

We ended up spending more time with the chatty woman because we went back for a second look. When she would tell a rather long story, the go-to response from S and K was, “aw, that’s so sweeeet.” Example: a young resident played chess with an older resident when most of the place had been evacuated for Ike. When the apartment held a get together the young resident sought out the old resident to say hello. This story took about 5 minutes though. But you know what, ya’ll, that’s so sweeeeet.

Another funny thing with the chatty woman was a clever move on K’s part. I asked about submitting a maintenance request, and the process for that. The chatty woman said you can come see me. A little bit later the chatty woman came up to me and said that K asked a great question – I can also submit a maintenance request ONLINE (i.e. not in person)! I looked to K and she and I smirked.

And possibly the best story with the chatty woman. Before we began a tour at any apartment we had to give our drivers’ licenses. When the chatty woman gave them back, she looked at each one and declared to the room that she was the oldest one there. And then, a true southerner, she called my mom her first and middle names.

The five of us were at one large apartment complex, so we of course couldn’t walk. The method of transportation of choice: golf carts. With five people this can be tough. At one location we left K behind, but at this location we decided to all pile in. S told me to take shotgun since I’d need to look around.

S: K, you sit in the back with us in the middle, since you’re the tee-niniest one.

At this location we were shown around by a very nice woman who apparently found out the ‘cool slang’ fifteen years ago and then decided to stick with her guns on those words.

“Ya’ll this faux-pond is the bomb.”

“I saw a possum and it made me all wiggy.”

Overall an amusing but tiring day. My work is 0.8 miles from my home, and not on the first floor (bugs and flooding). And I’m pretty close to where I saw a wild hog yesterday. Sweet! [Update, today 1/26 this bomb-diggity woman called me and had my name all wrong. My first, middle and last names could all be first or last names … she chose to call me my middle name, first name. Interesting.]

My mom told S and K that I might write about them on my blog – if either of you was dedicated/bored enough to check this out, thank you for a fun, amusing and helpful day!

Comments on: "Weekly Wacko (15)" (7)

  1. B.A.S.–Paula D and I are insulted by your comments concerning the “suthnuhs.” The phrase “Bless his/her heart” can also be a very sincere, endearing phrase.

    There you are, down there in the big state of Texas, all alone. Bless your heart. We’re looking forward to seeing you soon.

    I suppose you know that, because I’m replying to a January blog, I’m just now going on your site. Perhaps I’ll catch up someday. Love y’all.

  2. I know all about the “bless their heart’ stuff. It’s funny, because some of the times it’s just so cold, all you can do is stand back and say, ‘nice.’

    What gets me is when southerners refer to people as ‘Mr.’ or ‘Miss’ whatever your fist name is.

    • DumbFunnery said:

      haha Yes, I love the southern trickery. Smile while you cut them down.

      I also need to check your blog, I’ve been a slacker.

  3. I can’t wait to visit and see that faux-pond ya’ll!

  4. Miss Kim SF said:

    Hilarious! I’m going to start saying “bless his/her heart” after any smack I talk. LOL

    How is Houston so far? Have you found any good places to eat? I bet you’ll find awesome BBQ! I used to travel to Dallas on business quite often and that was always a highlight for me.

    We had a day today without rain, so I was so happy to be able to run after work! I’m not one of those people who likes to run when it’s pouring outside. 🙂

    • DumbFunnery said:

      Hello! I haven’t checked out your blog in a while … I”ll have to do that after I comment on shtuff on my site.

      Houston is good so far? I had a goooood pulled pork sandwich. There are these “pappas” places all over. Pappas seafood. Pappas bbq. Possibly another type or two. I need to try one of those places. These pappas fella must know something.

      Tonight I went to jog in my apartment complex ‘gym.’ I got in at the same time as another guy and I went up to one of the 2 treadmills. He picked the other one. Mine turned out to be broken. Dang!

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