The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘apartment’

Apartment Lease Renewal Time

Here at the Gradford Luxury Apartments we love our residents! We know it’s your choice to life here, and as your lease comes to an end we want to make sure you know we want you to stay and continue to be a part of this community.

That’s why we are beginning our “Catch and Re-Lease” program! It’ll include games, social activities, and prizes! All in an effort to make sure you know this isn’t just an apartment complex, it’s your home.

So if you see us approaching you with our rod out – don’t be surprised!

Sincerely,
Soon to be apologizing management

Apartment Names and What They Mean

The Oceanfront – One of the apartments has a view of the ocean … If you use a telescope during high tide.

The Pelazzo – Has prints of Italian paintings hanging in the lobby.

The Palms – Has a palm tree and plans to get another soon. (After they raise your rent to afford it.)

The Marquis – Expensive. Really expensive. But very nice.

The Marquis Grande – Really cheap, and it shows.

De Jour of the Week (1/20/10)

1/20/10

There will be more of these … later.

Just so you know, future me (i.e. the person who will find this most interesting and I’m writing this to remember it), I saw a few apartments today in Houston. One of them bordered a wildlife preserve. While taking the tour we went up to the fence – separating the apartments from the preserve – and there was a wild hog hanging out. Why wouldn’t there be?

A bit later my mom and I were driving around and we saw a sign that said, “Don’t Feed the Alligators – $500 fine.”

Oh boy!

If Tones Could Talk – Anger

Oh what have I just said
The room is suddenly ice, I’m dead.

Whatever I said wrong, I was joking
I take it back! I call my right to revoking.

You’ve just said my name, and slowwwwwlyyyyy
And now you’re staring past me/at me/through me.

That tone was all things threatening
My collar I’m loosening
My hands are sweating
My nervous laugh is too nervous to laugh, it’s gone into hiding
My lips I’m biting
My … my … my you’re intimidating.

Maybe you want dinner? Flowers? Candy?
(I’m looking around you to make sure there’s nothing heavy and throwable handy.)

My what a powerful word my name can be
When you say it so delicately/angrily/slowly.

I’m supposed to respond
You’re waiting for me to respond
Ok. Here we go. I’m going to respond.

“Um …”
Well, that was dumb.

%d bloggers like this: