The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Houston’

Attn: Ellen (4/13/16)



Back (apologies for my handwriting!)


The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This week my wife is in Houston visiting friends and family … And I am eating junk food, working out, and going door-to-door in the neighborhood telling folks I’m making dinner and could I borrow a cup of friendship?

Yeah, I’m pretty cool.


Why am I doing this?

JJ Watt’s New Ad

I wrote this last week after the Texans oofta of a loss to the Dolphins … Today they won so the JJ ads were less painful (also I was channel surfing like a champ so that probably helped). Anyhow, this led to a NEW thought – dual ads! One set for when your team is doing well, in which you the celebrity in the ad can be cocky and funny and cool … and the other, for when your team is having an awful season, where you seem apologetic no matter what you are advertising.

Even though the Texans won today … I’m still going to post this because … I don’t have anything else prepared.

Oh ads, you create such natural seeming scenes.

I imagine that if you watch football, you’ve seen and heard quite a bit about JJ Watt. Both from announcers/various sports talking heads and from commercials that he’s in. I live in Houston, so I can tell you that I REALLY see a lot of JJ. I like him, I really do, and the ads aren’t bad. He hasn’t been phenomenal this season, but my expectations for him were a bit high (go figure).

But when you’re watching the Texans get stomped, and then it goes to commercial break and JJ Watt is talking to me about ice cream (for the local grocer HEB), JJ talking to me about Verizon, JJ about American Family Insurance, one KFC ad (the one ad that doesn’t feature JJ), and then you know who talking about Gatorade … Then it’s back to the game where the Texans either fail to do something good (meaning they’re on defense), or they do something awful (meaning they’re on offense) … It can be a bit much.

That’s why I think JJ Watt should do a set of local ads for honey. Some local beekeeper I guess. It’ll just be JJ Watt, in his uniform, in his locker room, and he looks at the camera sadly and says, “got a bitter pill to swallow? Yeah. Me too. Wash it down with this <honey brand> honey. Ok. I’m going to go cry for a bit now.”

My Honeymoon, by the Numbers

My wife (holy crap! I’m MARRIED!?!) and I will soon be going on our honeymoon. We are going to India. In preparation for the trip we have both read some books about India (she has read about 5 times more books about India than I have). In the TWO I have read (one fiction, A Fine Balance which is amazing and the other a travel journal sort of affair called Holy Cow) they have both mentioned the country being quite populated. Let’s talk about that.

One of the cities we are getting to visit is Mumbai. Our current home is in Houston, Texas.

Population Density:

  • Houston: 2,197 people per square kilometer (I rounded) (Source)
  • Mumbai: 29,650 people per square kilometer (I rounded) (Source)

FYI: There are 3,280.84 feet per kilometer.

Let’s say every person, standing up, is 2 feet for length (shoulder to shoulder) and 1 foot wide (the end of your belly to the end of your tush).

Given a square that is 3,280.84 feet by 3,280.84 feet … If everyone, measuring 2×1 feet, stood next to each other in this square kilometer then you have, essentially, 3,280.84 rows and 1,640.42 columns. Or, 3,280.84 people 1,640.42 times which is … 5,381,956 people!

column 1 (2 feet)                column 2                     …                     column 1,640.42

row 1 (1 foot)
row 2
row 3

row 3,281


In other words, 5,381,956 people would fit in if you were completely crammed. With that in mind, we’ve got some wiggle room!

I like to dance, and I have long limbs, so I’m going to need a bit of space for my flailing dance moves. Let’s figure out the amount of crazy dancing I can do. For this, each person will have their own block within that square kilometer. In Houston, we would have 2,197 blocks per square km, in Mumbai, there would be 29,650 blocks per square km. So each square in Mumbai will be much smaller – but what are the exact dimensions?

The area for a square kilometer is 10,763,911 feet. If you divide that, it means:

  • Houston: 4,899.368 feet to work with or a square that is approximately 70 feet by 70 feet. That’s some good dancin’.
  • Mumbai: 363.0324 feet to work with or a square that is approximately 19 feet by 19 feet. Plenty of space for dancing.


That’s all well and good. The dance check comes out with a green light. Now, what else? Oh right, the matter of public defecation. Both books have talked about that, and a friend telling us about his first trip to India mentioned seeing that happening right after leaving the airport.

I’ll just leave this chart here for you …

When in Rome …



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