You know those series of books that have dorky titles and they all kind of play on the same theme? Odds are you’ve walked past a huge collection of them at any number of book stores.
I’ve decided to write one of those. It won’t be easy, but I’m going to be motivated by the knowledge that I’ll be letting down any unknowing reader who picks up one of my books thinking he or she has stumbled on something interesting.
The Murder and The Untimely Death
This will be about a group of crows who are intelligent and they talk about what a shameful thing that the town doctor recently returned from a trip to the east coast and she forgot to change her watch to the local time, so when a local old man dies the doctor incorrectly states the time of death. The book will somehow stretch this into something that takes 147 pages. I’ll likely insert random facts from Wikipedia about the history of watches, time zones, anything else that could be said to mildly add to the plot.
The Murder and the Killing
The same group of intelligent crows gathers to talk about what a success a young man was at the open mic night at a coffee shop in town. Boy was he ever funny. You could say … he killed. In this book I will again rely on wikipedia, but will also draw upon my own imagination as I relate the history of stand-up comedy, the origin of the phrase ‘killed’ to represent doing well, and also my take on saving rain water in buckets to use for watering plants. It’ll be a must put down.
The Murder and the Tasty Sandwich
Intelligent crows. Yup. This time I haven’t even bothered to think of a title that’ll seem interesting, which will ironically lead to my best sales yet and prompt a second printing of my two previous Murder books. This one describes in mind-numbing detail the contents of my kitchen which some dumb-dumb of a critic will take for a critique on modern society and I won’t be so dumb as to correct said critic and instead I’ll bask in the intelligentsia of everyone knowing that I forgot to buy cheese last time I went to the grocery store and what exactly that means from a global trade perspective.