The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Attn: Ellen (5/24/17)

Front

Ellen310a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen310b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if you were a Cleveland Cavaliers fan and you’re at a game and the crowd gets into it and starts chanting but you mess up royally and start chanting “let’s go calves.”

The stuff of nightmares.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

What’s the Difference Between a Canadian Goose and a …

Canadian Goose

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French Canadian Goose

french canadian goose

Frankly I blame you for not seeing this joke coming.

Attn: Ellen (5/17/17)

Front

Ellen309a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen309b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I don’t know much about hockey, but I do like watching it.

With the playoffs going, I like to watch and make up fake slang to impress my wife.

“Oh yah, well he leaked the net real nice, basically re-doing the whole upholstery and all he’s got to show for it is a horse-sized vitamin, ya know?”

Neat, huh?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Image

My Vegan Journey

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Attn: Ellen (5/10/17)

Front

Ellen308a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen308b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

After a brief but very enjoyable weekend in Bend, Oregon I have decided that people who live in Oregon who don’t believe in Big Foot are the weirdos.

Seriously. Those trees there are other-worldly. Hopefully I’ll get to visit again soon.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Baby Prep

With a house that will ideally by graced by the presence of a baby, my wife and I are going to need to begin to prepare.

There’s the creation of a baby room: space themed? the less-often chosen egotism theme, complete with a framed poster of Ayn Rand and perhaps some gem quotes like “if you aren’t working, you aren’t contributing, and therefore you should be dead” … note, I don’t KNOW that she said that, but I feel like she probably did.

There are things to buy like a high chair, a stroller, a car seat, some of those glasses that make it look like your eyes are open so I can wear them at work, maybe a tape recorder with sayings to excuse my upcoming work sleepiness with phrases like, “hmm, I don’t understand this code, I better go lay down for a few hours to think about it.”

And then there are the practical every day changes that we need to prepare for – how to hold a baby without crushing it (they are squishy if memory serves correctly), changing diapers, feeding a thing that is prone to having things exit its body like it’s a very gross form of a pop goes the weasel toy but instead of the weasel popping out it is GOOD GOD THAT STINK CHILD, HOW?! HOWWWWW?!?

What are we doing to prepare?

Practicing changing diapers on each other

  • Will this ruin our marriage? Possibly.
  • Will it make door to door salesmen quit showing up? All but that one, George, and now he’ll be over all the time.
  • Will it result in top notch diaper changers? You bet.

Chewing slowly on foods, only to eventually let it dribble out with a smile

  • To truly understand a baby, one must drool like a baby

Buying ourselves adorable onesies

  • This is to better understand the baby, but also to attempt to offset the damage done by changing each others diapers
  • (Hint: It won’t offset it, but boy will we look cute!)

Got any other ideas? Advice? Fear-driven things to shout? Let me hear it below in the comments, on Twitter @DumbFunnery, or in an email at DumbFunnery@gmail.com. If blogs are one thing, they are a place to throw unsolicited advice about any and all topics.

Attn: Ellen (5/3/17)

Front

Ellen307a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen307b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’m going to spit ball. I’m thinking future robots meets zombie thriller? Here are some names …

Love Bytes
From 0 to Hero
Byte Me
Miss Nancy, Fancy, In the Pantsy
(instead YA romance?)

Thanks Ellen, just wanted to throw ideas out to see what sticks.

Oh! Sticky bit – the revenge?

Eh?

Let me know what you think!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

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