The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Watching NHL playoff hockey, you see a few beards. And, occasionally they show a fella sitting on the bench licking his lips and perhaps … the old flavor saver?

That has NHL fans everywhere wondering …


Alexander Ovechkin – He actually has a Russian doll of beards, and is savoring the taste of a smaller beard (and I bet you’ll never guess what’s inside that tinier beard!)

LeBeard Grovtuskinovich – Famous half-French, half-Russian hockey player who once said after a game, ‘I dropped my ham.’ Sure enough, an 8 pound ham was found on the ice.

Joe Thornton 2016.jpg


Joe Thornton (retired) – David Sedaris, the author, actually lives in his beard and makes him delightful French pastries. It’s one of nature’s weirdest symbiotic relationships (Thornton provides Sedaris with whimsical thoughts).

Sidney Crosby – Play-Doh. Is he great at hockey? Undeniably. Does he desperately need a therapist? And then some.

P. K. Subban



P.K. Subban – No snacks here. No sir. Instead it’s a small index card with reminders of stuff white people like. Wait. Wait just a minute! Subban, you trickster! He also has an assortment of cheeses to help calm his white teammates when they get too riled.

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