This is how I picture an interview going with myself and David Letterman, if I magically became very famous from this blog.
Dave (tapping pencil and looking at card with information about me on it): Our next guest has a website. A blog. Paul, you have a blog?
Paul (loud laugh): Blog!
Dave: Blog. Blog. Sounds like something you’d catch during spring break. Hey mom, hey uhh … hey mom, I … I got the blog.
Paul (loud laugh) (singing): I’m siiiiick with the bloooooog.
Dave (stares at Paul silently, then): Anyway, let’s welcome out our guest!
Me (nervous and excited): Hi! Hi! Thank you so much for having me! Wow!
Dave: So uhh … you got this blog, huh?
Me: Yeah! It’s a website I started to try and get my name out so –
Dave: Was it worth it?
Me (confused): What?
Dave: Was it worth it? Catching the blog? Was the girl pretty enough?
Me: Oh .. ha … yeah …
Paul (singing): I should’ve used virus protection .. but now I got!, now i caught!, now I’m wrought! … with! … THE! … BLOGGGGGG!!!!!!
Me (stunned silence)
Dave (angry silence, staring at Paul)
Paul (grinning for God knows what reason)
Dave (clearing throat): So what do you do? Work over at that damn MTV?
Me: Uh … what?
Dave: Hey uh … hey ma … I got the blog.
Me (fake laugh, followed by an uncomfortable silence): Um … so … I really want to get published, but that’s very tough to do so I decided to put up all these goofy, fun little things on this –
Dave (crazy, hacking coughing):…
Me (scared looking): …
Dave: Well, I think I just died a little bit.
Paul (big laugh)
Dave (doing the fake stretching thing so his arms look too long for suit): Wanna know why I coughed?
Dave: Not enough pilates. Hear that Paul?, I’m doing pilates.
Paul (excessively happy): Pilate blog!
Me (no idea what to say)
Dave: Pilate blog. Ploggy. Plog. Bilates.
Me: That’s pretty fun. I think you just came up with the next new trend.
Dave: You don’t have this at the music channel?
Me: Um … I don’t work for MTV?
Paul: MTV’s annual pilate blog festival!
Dave: We got a clip?
Me: … What?
Dave: You want to set up your clip?
Me: Ah … I don’t have a clip? If people want to go to my website it’s dumbfunnery.com … so … please go!
Dave (hacking cough): The swine flu’s got nothing on this blog. After the break we’ve got “glass box monks” – they’re gonna play some song or something.