The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

Kitty

Own a, I kid you not, a 400 dollar pair of sun glasses.

Just tried on some jeans and all anyone can say is ‘oh, baby.’

Just because he called his friend delicious doesn’t mean he’s gay. He just looked delicious.

Tell people they recycle, but they don’t.

Have the most adorable sneeze.

Raccoon

Have more rhymes than California’s got cops.

Accidentally slapped a date in the face when trying to do the ‘yawn/arm around the shoulder move.’

The very definition of humble.

If you go for a jog and hurt yourself, and this guy comes jogging by? He’ll offer to pick you up and carry you to help. Honest, nicest guy you’ll ever meet.

Once went to a bar and was not slapped OR laughed at after saying, ‘I’ll give you seventy and you can owe me one.’

Rhinoceros

Sexy doesn’t even begin to describe.

If you see one of these guys in a short skirt, call your accountant and invest in gold bonds.

You can say anything you want to these guys, as long as you make it rhyme. For example, “I hate your stupid face, I need a flower vase.” They’ll find this perfectly acceptable.

Love trashy beach romance novels.

Has boots that are made for walkin.’

Sambava Tomato Frog

Has been to Georgia several times but has never fiddle-battled the Devil.

Is a wiz at spelling backwards.

Just hacked into your computer.

Thought ‘being a card counter’ meant they were good at making sure there are 52 cards in a deck.

Does really cool sound affects. Even if you don’t think sound affects are cool, you’d think her sound affects are.

***

Also check this out. My sister told me she saw that at a store, and it’s basically the same thing as my ‘Animal Facts!’ posts. Kind of a bummer that some dude’s off and published for the same crap I’m doing. To be fair he published his book August 2009, so he came up with this odd/stupid idea before I did. Nevertheless, it’s a bummer it’s not me. (Unless, reader, you are that author or one of his friends, in which case help me out?!!)

Ellen, where are you!!!? (To explain … in the ‘… Please?’ section I state my hope of having a drunken intern of Ellen’s ‘discover’ me and get me on her show.)

(Oh and these are all pictures I’ve taken. So take that fancy pants published author.)

Comments on: "Animal Facts (House Cat, Raccoon, Rhinoceros, Sambava Tomato Frog)" (1)

  1. I actually laughed out loud with the last raccoon fact.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: