The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘cat’

NextDoor – Cat Found

Have you heard of NextDoor? It’s a website for neighborhoods. It is something akin to Facebook meets Craigslist meets weird local newspaper ads. I recently signed up and get to keep tabs on what is happening in my neighborhood and nearby neighborhoods. The posts have ranged from: fb_share_logo1

  • cursing teenagers (don’t worry, someone informed everyone those boys are Mormon and therefore could not possibly have been cursing – turns out they were saying SUCKERS not … well, you can guess)
  • stuff for sale
  • advice on contractors/plumbers/etc
  • someone talking about her single male friend who is a catch (0 replies so far but rest assured I’m watching that one)
  • missing pets

Today someone posted, “cat found.” I don’t recall seeing one about a missing cat, so I can only assume someone is posting about their own cat who just achieved a high level of self-awareness and they wanted everyone in the neighborhood to know. (Who couldn’t help but brag about their self-aware cat?)

I wonder, who is monitoring these posts? And, how weird could I get if I was so inclined?

If I post that I’m selling a gently used box of diapers and include a picture of me smiling coyly, what would you think was happening?

How about a post that says ‘Fine China for Sale’ and then I borrow some steamy language from a romance novel to describe some plates. Would that be allowed to stay up? ‘Dang that’s some fine China, ya’ll.’

Or, another thought, how bored am I that this is the kind of thing I’m wondering about? AND, what kind of responses would I get from the neighborhood if I posted this … thing. What amounts to a velociraptor like study of where I can poke the cage to see what I can get away with? (Where my knowledge of velociraptors is, of course, exclusively from Jurassic Park.)

Do you have NextDoor? Do you like to watch people be weird? Or are you one of the weirdos?

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Attn: Ellen (10/21/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here we go – the second of the set of six of these.

And what important message am I using this (not so) limited card to say?

Ice. Cream. Is. Delicious.

Ever so sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Top Three Cat Videos

As we all know the internet is made for those who think cats are adorable. And who can disagree with that? Cats ARE adorable. Check out what Time Magazine (may not necessarily be true) and the Huffington Post* think are the top three cat videos.

 

Bane Cat

 

Crash Test Cats

 

Party Cat

 

*At least that’s my guess.

You and Your Adorable Dog

Have you seen the bumper sticker “who rescued who?”

The idea is that by rescuing a dog from a shelter you are the one obviously doing the rescue … But this sticker asks a much more deep and emotional question, wondering if it really WAS you who rescued the dog. Or, perhaps because the dog has dragged you from a burning house while you were unconscious after a night of excessive drinking that would make a coked-up investment banker blush, it has turned out that the dog has rescued you.

But then, fueled by a massive ego and inflated feelings of self-worth, your dog may begin to demand sacrifice. Not one or two but ten walks a day. Not just kibbles and bits but things too. And possibly even stuff! Kibbles and bits and things and such add up, and with your rehab costs … can you afford it all? (The night of excess was your rock bottom, and your rescued dog/savior was your guiding light to taking a good, hard look at your life).

That’s right, Rover, without me this stuff might as well be a figment of your imagination.

In this case perhaps a “mutually rescued” bumper sticker would be the way to go. Or you could stick with “who rescued who” but next to that add a second sticker to let your pet know who is in charge. “Can open cans” text imposed over a human form (that would be you) or a hand print (to stick with the theme of appendages).

Yes, you and your adorable pet are both grateful for the other. But just know that your cat doesn’t give a flying funky about any of that.

 

Attn: Ellen (6/18/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen175b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Sometimes I think being on a jury could be interesting, enlightening and possibly fun. Other times I think having the picture on this postcard as a shirt and wearing that to court and answering as many questions as possible with a cat pun would be much, much more fun.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Image

If I Was Missing a Cat …

Missing Cat Poster

Attn: Ellen (12/25/13)

Front

Ellen150a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 Ellen150b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

I hope you have a good visit from Santa, or not, I don’t want to force your hand or anything … So, you know, um, see ya next year.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. This postcard was, apparently, written while watching a Michael Cera movie.

Why am I doing this?

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