The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Weekly Wacko (43)

Festival of Sadness

I bought a car today.

Which is good, and bad. Hence: Festival of Sadness. It’s good to have a new car for the reasons I’ve outlined below, but it’s bad because – hey, who likes spending that much money?

I’m a very practical (boring) guy. I bought lower than what I could have because it’s a car. It’ll get me from point A to point B. It’ll do so with a high history of reliability, a good rating from Consumer Reports, and decent gas mileage.

Told you I was boring.

I said goodbye to my beloved Yoda (the car I had until today). Yoda was a 2000 Toyota Camry. My dad bought her when we lived in Georgia, and I took over the car after I graduated college in 2007. My mom sold me the car for $1. It was a pretty good deal. (Oh, my Dad named the car. Yoda the Toyota. You see now where I get these ‘clever’ jokes?)

I said goodbye to a bruised and beaten Yoda. Here are some of the ‘features’ I won’t miss:

  • One day I was driving my work buddies and I to lunch. My friend J in the back seat tried to open his window – instead the window motor made a crazy noise. Back right window no longer in service.
  • Another day J was in the back left seat, and the same thing happened. Seriously.
  • Lately it has gotten to be punch-me-in-the-face hot and humid here in Houston, TX. The perfect time for a car to have an A/C button that causes the car to make a crazy noise, and spit out hot air.
  • 160,000 miles driven worth of goodness.
  • A weird paint/what-the-heck-is-that? stain in the back seat.
  • Accelerating came to be a bit of a challenge. Attempting to go from 0 to 20 in under five seconds resulted in ridiculous revving, and the RPMs would shoot to over 3000 (i.e. YIKES!).
  • Here’s the crowning jewel of my car: The driver door … was missing … the door handle. Split right off. This happened about two years ago and I’d been, um … too busy? I have gotten to be very adept at opening the back door, half-sitting down, reaching up front and opening the driver’s door.

Unfortunately I got a little too used to the missing door handle. During one of my car shopping visits I opened the back door of a car when I was about to test drive it. I managed to play it off as looking in the back to see how roomy it was.
Anyhow. Goodbye my dearest Yoda. Hello … new car (picture it like Seinfeld saying “hello … Newman”).

I’ll have to think up a cool name for the newbie. I don’t know that I’ll ever come up with one as cool as Yoda …

Comments on: "Weekly Wacko (43)" (4)

  1. There’s something nice about a really old beat-up car if you had a hand in making it old and beat-up.

    As far as a name goes, you could call it, “The Force” which both sticks with the Star Wars theme and once again sounds similar to the manufacturer.

    “Need to go to the store? You can use The Force.”
    “I have The Force in my garage.”
    “The key to The Force is on the coffee table.”

    Yeah, that could work.

  2. Con-fusion… Dif-fusion… Funk Master 5… Batmango

    There’s more suggestion where that came from.

  3. Dear God, all of that and you can’t tell us what kind of car you got?

    • DumbFunnery said:

      haha sorry … ford fusion, my work has a deal with ford so that put it over camrys and civics.

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