The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Today I was driving and, oh man, you’ll laugh, guess what happened!? I got STUCK … in traffic!

Zounds! Am I right?

Here’s where it gets crazy though. I had a somewhat terrible thought. I’ve noticed that I’ve had this thought in the past and I didn’t think much about it, but today it really struck me.

Painting the Picture

I’m driving along, la la la, happy times. Then the red lights of anger come on in front of me and the folks on the road go from about 65 mph to 20ish mph. Then we alternate between stopped and going a few miles per hour.

Classic traffic scenario. We’ve all been there. But wait, there’s more.

Eventually the pace picks up some and we’re cruising along consistently at about 15 to 20 mph.

Some time after that I notice a car pulled over on the shoulder. Aha! The redeeming grace of traffic jams (be sure to pack your peanut butter and bread folks, there’s a TRAFFIC JAM out there! ah ha ha ha!) – the curiosity would now be satisfied. There is no faster mystery story you can find. Traffic jam, I beseech you, reveal your cause!

It’s … This car is just … It has it’s blinkers on and it’s just pulled over. Maybe a flat or something, I don’t know, but it looks fine. And traffic is picking up and we’re … We’re out of it.

Seriously? That’s IT!?

THAT’S what caused all this delay?! REALLY?


What’s the concern? What was the bad thought?

All that … For a stinking van on the side of the road? I mean, come on! At least have a small fire coming from under the hood or something! Maybe someone running out of the car, ON FIRE … That’d be cool.

Let me be clear – I don’t want anyone to have been hurt. I want it to be like an old episode of the GI Joes. Just watch the intro to GI Joes and you’ll see what I mean.

Look at that, so many bullets fired, tanks, helicopters, you name it, all coming at each other … And not a single person hurt. Maybe some scraped knees from people bailing out of an exploding tank (that’s some trick). If there’s bad traffic, I want the cause to be some GI Joe-esque fight scene. Except, you know, don’t hold up traffic too much.

The last thing we need is an unruly Roadblock …

HEYO!! (Psst, non-GI Joe people, Roadblock is a GI Joe. And he’s got something important to tell you.)

Holy crap, what a frightening PSA.

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