The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘traffic’

Green Light, Red Light

A child is given a bicycle and as a consequence is filled with joy. Later that day the bicycle is stolen.

A teenager is waiting anxiously to get back a test to see the grade. A test is delivered to their desk with a grade of 97, inwardly this young adult is beaming, with such pride and relief that the individual fails to recognize that the name on the top of the test is not theirs. When the mistake is corrected a grade of 72 is what is greeting this poor soul.

A young adult is told of a new position at work that will involve more responsibility, more exposure and more pay. The ambitious young worker looks forward to the position with concern but an attitude full of eagerness and desire to prove oneself. The position is instead given to a relative of the manager.

Nearing the twilight of a long and fruitful career, a well-handled mid-life crisis leads one individual to finally buy an affordable dream home. The seller finds a renewed love of their home when seeing the way the potential buyer sees the home, and reneges on the deal.

You are sitting in traffic and the first car at the light is still just sitting there, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL GUY, at a green light, ARE YOU SERIOUS GO!?, maybe this person is used to the old adage, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.”

Green Light, Red Light.

But seriously dude, let’s go, I know drivings not a race but you are driving me batty here. Oh great it’s already yellow.

What’s the Deal with Traffic?

Today I was driving and, oh man, you’ll laugh, guess what happened!? I got STUCK … in traffic!

Zounds! Am I right?

Here’s where it gets crazy though. I had a somewhat terrible thought. I’ve noticed that I’ve had this thought in the past and I didn’t think much about it, but today it really struck me.

Painting the Picture

I’m driving along, la la la, happy times. Then the red lights of anger come on in front of me and the folks on the road go from about 65 mph to 20ish mph. Then we alternate between stopped and going a few miles per hour.

Classic traffic scenario. We’ve all been there. But wait, there’s more.

Eventually the pace picks up some and we’re cruising along consistently at about 15 to 20 mph.

Some time after that I notice a car pulled over on the shoulder. Aha! The redeeming grace of traffic jams (be sure to pack your peanut butter and bread folks, there’s a TRAFFIC JAM out there! ah ha ha ha!) – the curiosity would now be satisfied. There is no faster mystery story you can find. Traffic jam, I beseech you, reveal your cause!

It’s … This car is just … It has it’s blinkers on and it’s just pulled over. Maybe a flat or something, I don’t know, but it looks fine. And traffic is picking up and we’re … We’re out of it.

Seriously? That’s IT!?

THAT’S what caused all this delay?! REALLY?


What’s the concern? What was the bad thought?

All that … For a stinking van on the side of the road? I mean, come on! At least have a small fire coming from under the hood or something! Maybe someone running out of the car, ON FIRE … That’d be cool.

Let me be clear – I don’t want anyone to have been hurt. I want it to be like an old episode of the GI Joes. Just watch the intro to GI Joes and you’ll see what I mean.

Look at that, so many bullets fired, tanks, helicopters, you name it, all coming at each other … And not a single person hurt. Maybe some scraped knees from people bailing out of an exploding tank (that’s some trick). If there’s bad traffic, I want the cause to be some GI Joe-esque fight scene. Except, you know, don’t hold up traffic too much.

The last thing we need is an unruly Roadblock …

HEYO!! (Psst, non-GI Joe people, Roadblock is a GI Joe. And he’s got something important to tell you.)

Holy crap, what a frightening PSA.

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