The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Announcer 1: This next hole is a beautiful one, it’s a par four and so we’ll say, based on the game so far, he has a good chance of getting it in at four over par.

Announcer 2: Yeah through the first eight holes he has not come on strong. His putting game has probably been his weakest point, he’s certainly learned he needs to work on that.

Announcer 1: He’s got his driver out, which he has used at least once on every hole because, as he said when we asked him, “it’s the biggest one so … I feel like I’ve got the best chance with this one of actually hitting the ball.”

Announcer 2: He’s honest. You have to respect that.

Announcer 1: And it’s a solid connection, the ball flies down the fairway straight-on it’s … it’s got to be his best shot of the day.

Announcer 2: Yes, that was a great shot, he’s got to be impressed with that, –

Announcer 1: Wow. Yes. He is. I mean, pretending to be an airplane is usually an indicator of happiness in golf. He’s pretty pleased with himself here.

Announcer 2: I think he just asked, again, if everyone was sure they wanted to do 18 holes because he felt like 9 was “good enough.”

***

Announcer 1: He’s lined up for his second shot, he’s got a 7 iron out, he’s got a decent chance of making it on the green with this shot if he can stay accurate.

Announcer 2: That’s been his main difficulty today.

Announcer 1: He’s just shouted that he’s going to do this with his eyes closed which … might actually work better for him. But no, it’s a joke, he’s got his eyes open, and … oh he definitely didn’t want to hit the ball like that. He gets the top of it and it goes about seven yards.

Announcer 2: He’s running up to the BALL …! Ok, he’s stopped. He’s lining up for the shot and … It’s not a bad shot, he’s off on what looks like the far side of the green … It’s bounced a bit and settled in some thicker grass, but it’s not the sand trap which is an improvement.

Announcer 1: So far this is looking to be his best effort of the day.

***

Announcer 1: We’ll go ahead and show you the highlights of the last three putts that he’s attempted.

Announcer 2: After a good start it appears he will after all be on track for the “double par is his par” rule of thumb.

Announcer 1: Each shot has slightly less effort applied than the last. It’s the closest you’ll see to a real life example of Xeno’s paradox, each time he gets halfway there but never closes the deal.

Announcer 2: … Ohhh! And he’s just missed again. That was close, it came up and then rolled back down. He’s got about a foot and a half and it’s slightly uphill

Announcer 1: The nice thing is, he’s not wasting time. He goes straight to the ball and takes the shot. No warm ups or sizing up the shot to slow him down.

Announcer 2: That is the silver lining of this, to be sure.

Announcer 1: …Ouch.

Announcer 2: Yes. Another miss and now … he’s … laying down, sizing up the shot as though his putter is a pool cue … I’m not sure that’s allowed but …

Announcer 1: And he’s made it! A great round of applause and he’s just exhaling deeply and looking at the time.

Announcer 2: You can almost see his brain calculating ways to get out of playing the back nine.

***

Note: This is how I will now show my displeasure with something I’ve just screwed up

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