The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

How To Get Ahead in Business

Coffee in hand, surly look firmly planted on your face, and attire that could only be described as “decent” – you are the model employee. You sit down at your desk, log in to your computer, and much to your vexation, you’ve got too many emails and too little time.

You open one up, it’s something corporate and mundane looking. Glancing through it quickly you see that this email doesn’t apply to you … Who are these people? You take a quick gander at the list of people this was sent to, a bunch of names and distribution lists you don’t know.

Suddenly a stream of emails is appearing before your very eyes – all of them with the same subject – boom there’s another!, boom another! – what IS THIS CORPORATE MADNESS!?

You open each one, trying to keep up with the rate at which they are arriving, “please take me off this distribution list” … “please remove” … “wrong Joe Somebody” … “I don’t think this was intended for me.” Why are these people replying all? Don’t they know it’s got a mass distribution?

You get up and go to a co-worker’s desk and before you can ask the question you’ve got your answer, “you seeing all these morons replying all? There goes another.”

AND THEN.

With the confidence and bravado only a simpleton could have, email after email arrive telling everyone ELSE “quit hitting reply all.” Mind you, these emails blasting the idea of reply all were, in fact, sent to all. Some are gentle, reminding you that not everyone cares, others are condescending, informing you that reply all is for n00bs.

And so we come back to Corporate Cathy. Sitting in her office, pen in hand, legal paper on her desk. Taking down name after name. Someone from another room calls out, “Cathy … I just don’t know how we’re going to get rid of another four hundred people. EVERYONE is important! Everyone is essential! Everyone brings so much value, and talent, and …”

Cathy cuts him off, “nah, I’ve got forty people and the list is growing.”

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