Here we see Edward Vil, he is a squirrel. He stands at 7.8 inches tall, he has 20/20 vision, and he is a scorpio. What you may not know, but may have guessed, is that he lives outside.
E. Vil is not your average squirrel, he has a peanut allergy and wants to destroy all humans. He is also not an especial fan of dogs or birds.
Surprisingly, he finds bears to be adorable, and loves going to sleep at night listening to coyotes howling.
If you happen to meet E. Vil, I would recommend running away or he may try to capture you and brainwash you to be a part of his evil E. Vil army. Confusingly, he may instead just want a hug or to talk about the Texans hopes for next season. (If you are confused by him wanting to destroy all humans AND liking the NFL, you clearly don’t watch much NFL.)
I’d also like to add, on a personal note, E. Vil is charming, funny, quick-witted, and very intelligent.
Also, full disclosure, while conducting the interview of E. Vil, he did in fact brainwash me.
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