DumbFunnery

Mar-a-Lago
* Out of ***** Stars

Nice location. The food was good, except when you think of it in terms of its price. Staff was friendly. Overall I would’ve given it *** or maybe even **** BUT there was a super weird interaction with this guy.

*Note* I’m a thin guy with long dark hair. I got in an elevator and I was looking down on my phone so you couldn’t see my face, just hair covering my face. I was wearing skinny jeans because I happen to like that style. This older guy, super gross looking, gets in the elevator and stands next to me and I can feel him looking over at me and sort of swaying and leaning toward my direction. Then, he says, “you know what?” reaches his hand down and grabs my junk, I look up in shock, he gives me this super weird look and then pulls his hand back and says, “not want.” He looks back to the elevator door and gets off at the next stop without another word.

WHAT. THE. HELL?

Trump International in D.C.
** Out of ***** Stars

The hotel itself was great – beautiful, luxurious sheets. The room was the kind of over the top luxury you would ordinarily only associate with someone who just recently got rich and wanted to spend all of their new found money very, very fast. Like a dumb pro athlete decorated the place. Totally impractical and stupid, but fun to stay here.

The problem happened when I went out for a burrito (Chipotle is almost like a hobby to me). I came back and this like … orange? overbearing guy said, ‘look who got rape fuel for dinner.’ Are you serious? Disgusting. He had this tragic blonde young woman with him, she was like a Mona Lisa kind of figure where she had this little hint of a smile but behind it all you saw was sadness. And this guy was with her, I think they were married, he was like … I don’t know. He gave me the creeps. Imagine if a stale cracker became a human? I don’t know how to describe him.

Basically: hotel nice, people inside it soul-sucking.

Trump Liquors
**** Out of ***** Stars

This place is confusing. I can’t tell if it’s a sincere tribute to Donald Trump, or a great big joke mocking him. Kind of like whenever Trump talks and part of you almost thinks it’s some great big Andy Kaufman-esque insane comedy stunt.

Anyway, they had the beer I wanted, so that’s cool.