Who’s hot to trot, and who’s not!? Find out in this December Issue of Dishing Over Dishes! Today, I’m joined by a simpleton. We’ll find out what he knows about celebrities!
Q: What makes Kelly Ripa so down to earth?
A: She is very short. Something like 3, or 4, or maybe 5 feet tall. Certainly not 6. Likely in the 3-5 range. Even if she jumps she is still really close to the ground. It’s funny when you think about it.
Q: Will The Rock look like a frightening old creature when he’s super old and still weirdly muscular?
A: Rocks don’t age, they just fade from the wind.
Q: Could Wilbur Ross make a comeback?
A: Wilbur Ross? The jelly guy from the Today Show?* Sure, as long as jelly’s cool, he’ll be cool.
*Editor’s note. Wilbur Ross is the U.S. Secretary of Commerce, and looks like a sour grape. Willard Scott is the jelly guy, and he should consider making Secretary Ross into jelly (though it would likely taste gross).
Q: What do you think about Rachel Ray?
A: The amount of disrespect I have for that woman could fill a book. Well, a novella. Or a pamphlet. How tangential am I allowed to get?
P.S. In the beginning of this I mentioned I was joined by a simpleton. Bonus news flash, I’M the simpleton! It’s just me here! No one is around me! Happy holidays.