The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

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Unexpected Facts from the Lincoln Book

Remember way back on Monday, when I talked about Lincoln by Thomas Keneally. I decided to make a note of a few facts that I learned from the book that I thought were crazy.

General Scott had stationed troops along Pennsylvania Avenue and around the Capitol with the specific instructions, for the first time in American history, to protect the incoming president’s life.

 

Near the east portico of the Capitol, a rostrum had been built, with barriers to separate the inauguration party from the public, again for the first time in history. The old republican piety of the president’s being merely the first among citizens had come under threat of the assassin’s bullet, a threat that would never leave the American political scene.

 

That successor was Gen. Ambrose Burnside, a robust six-footer with ferocious “sideburns,” as people had begun to call those flourishes of facial hair in whimsical regard for the general.

 

Similarly, a flat 3 percent tax on all incomes over eight hundred dollars per year was introduced, and though it produced at first an insubstantial flow of revenue, it marked the beginning of the fiscal world twentieth-century Americans would inherit.

When Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address another man, Edward Everett (a classical scholar), spoke before him. Everett spoke for TWO HOURS, and his speech was considered “enormously successful, brilliant in the eyes of contemporaries.” After that speech Lincoln gave his now very famous address. And according to one historian, Garry Wills, it changed things.

In its exalting of vernacular and biblical oratory over Everett’s Greek Revival tour de force, Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address made the traditional rhetoric of its day suddenly obsolete. “[A]ll modern political prose descends from the Gettysburg Address.”

Have You Tried This?

Sometimes I come up with an idea for a post for my blog and I think, hey, this is actually pretty good. Then, this may seem confusing, I think, this is too good for my blog …

My ultimate goal is to get published (as I’ve written about a few times … here, and here for example). With that in mind, it makes sense that I would want to do something else with my occasional gems (or at least what I consider to be gems).

One complaint I have is that I wish there were more places to submit my brand of weird. I feel like I would have better luck if I was a dramatic/full of confusing symbolism short story writer, or a sci-fi writer – it seems like there’s oodles of that stuff. And poetry? I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a goofball poem in a magazine, just the serious and artsy stuff. (The type that I read and say, “I really like the language in this poem but I have no idea what it’s saying.”) A number of magazines I have looked through to see if they would accept submissions from someone with my style have not panned out.

What’s My Point?

I do have a few places that I send things to. I figured I would write a post on this because it might force me to look up more magazines/popular online sources and then maybe I would quit being lazy and send more submissions out with fingers and toes crossed.

Bonus: I’ll be a kind internet neighbor to other quirky humor/oddball bloggers out there and share places that I think are a good fit for that particular category.

Here’s Where You Can Send Your Brilliant Quirky/Humor Story:

Shouts and Murmurs, New Yorker

McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

Mad Magazine (I have to be honest, I haven’t read one of these so I haven’t researched this … I think you need some art attached and I stink at drawing so I’ve never looked into them seriously)

Cracked.com (I’ve only read occasional things here and they haven’t been the type I write … I should look at this more though …)

McSweeney’s Quarterly (I’m reading an issue for the first time now and it seems like more literary fiction)

The Believer Magazine (I just subscribed to this so … I’ll get back to you, but I’m guessing memoir type essays)

 

If you are reading this and you know of another great source for that kind of writing, please let me know!!

If you add a good source in the comments I will be sure to link back to your blog/twitter/whatever when I add your revision to my post.

Tough Mudder Training

On October 5th three of my buddies (Rainbow Speak, Juicebox and BattleToad) and I are going to do the Tough Mudder!/. (I say !/. because should I be excited about this? I don’t know.)

The Tough Mudder is a 10-12 mile race where you go through obstacles. Actually, I made fun of runs like it in a post back in January (in my Death Be Damned! Fun Run imaginary run advertisement). Now here I am in August and I’m beginning to train for this beastly run.

I had a lot of fun fiddling with my workout schedule, and since I spent time on that I thought I would share it. Why not?

For starters …

I used Hal Higdon’s guide for both of the half marathons I have done. It’s online, free, and pretty good I think. There are different levels, and a little information at each level so you know if you’re signing up for too easy of training, just right, or too hard. Neato mosquito.

This time I decided to go for the Intermediate Half Marathon guide. I think I can keep up with the training, and if I can get through that I’ll be a much better runner at the end of it.

Two good quotes (with bonus comic)…

Recently I read the “53 Runner’s Commandments” by Joe Kelly. Two of them I think are good things to remember. The first one is good especially for someone who is struggling with feeling like it’s worth it/confidence/just starting out woes.

22. No matter how slow you run it is still faster than someone sitting on a couch.

The second one I think is really true (assuming you don’t push yourself too hard on a run and end up injuring yourself …):

53. Running is always enjoyable. Sometimes, though, the joy doesn’t come until the end of the run.

Bonus comic? The Oatmeal is fantastically funny, and it turns out a crazy good runner. (And kind of a nut.)

Just Get to the Plan …

Again, this is a modified version of the Hal Higdon Intermediate Half Marathon Guide. (I hope I didn’t sign myself up for too much.)

 

5-Aug 6-Aug 7-Aug 8-Aug 9-Aug 10-Aug 11-Aug
Stretch & Weights Spinning 25 Push-ups, Run 1 Mile (Repeat 4 times with push-ups at end) (Total: 4 miles, 125 pushups) 3 m run + strength (?) Rest 3 m run 7 m run
12-Aug 13-Aug 14-Aug 15-Aug 16-Aug 17-Aug 18-Aug
Stretch & Weights Spinning Spartacus Workout, then 2 miles 3 m run + strength (?) Rest 3 m pace 8 m run
19-Aug 20-Aug 21-Aug 22-Aug 23-Aug 24-Aug 25-Aug
Stretch & Weights Spinning 7 x 400 5-K pace 3 m run + strength (?) Rest or easy run 10k Lake Houston Rest + Stretch
26-Aug 27-Aug 28-Aug 29-Aug 30-Aug 31-Aug 1-Sep
Stretch & Weights Spinning 2 Miles, Spartacus, 2 Miles 3 m run + strength (?) Rest 4 m pace 9 m run
2-Sep 3-Sep 4-Sep 5-Sep 6-Sep 7-Sep 8-Sep
Stretch & Weights 4.5 m 8 x 400 5-K pace 3 m run + strength (?) Rest 5k in Galveston 7 m run
9-Sep 10-Sep 11-Sep 12-Sep 13-Sep 14-Sep 15-Sep
Stretch & Weights Spinning Run .5, Bear Crawl across field, Run .5, 50 Push-Ups, Run .5, 50 Tri-dips, Run .5, Lunge across field (do twice) (Total 4 miles) 3 m run + strength (?) Rest or easy run Rest 8 m run
16-Sep 17-Sep 18-Sep 19-Sep 20-Sep 21-Sep 22-Sep
Stretch & Weights Spinning 9 x 400 5-K pace 3 m run + strength (?) Rest 10 Miler Rest + Stretch
23-Sep 24-Sep 25-Sep 26-Sep 27-Sep 28-Sep 29-Sep
Stretch & Weights Spinning 10 x 400 5-K pace 3 m run + strength (?) Rest 3 m pace 12 m run
30-Sep 1-Oct 2-Oct 3-Oct 4-Oct 5-Oct 6-Oct
Stretch & Weights Spinning 30 min tempo 2 m run Rest TOUGH MUDDER Rest + Stretch