The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘President’

Why I Support Donald Trump

I think it’s very frustrating to have an opinion about something, and have people bash your opinion because they disagree with it. Other people don’t know your reasons and why Trump suits you … And then if you express your opinions, they just attack you.

I won’t do that! If you support Donald Trump, but want to have a conversation about why in case you have any doubts … give me a chance to be a sounding board.

I know you probably don’t want to talk politics with a blogger at DumbFunnery.com but … do it anyway?

  • Send me an email at: DumbFunnery@gmail.com, or
  • Send a private or public Tweet to me @DumbFunnery, or
  • Comment on this post.

As an American, talking politics is bad social form, it’s too personal and it’s just awkward when you realize you disagree strongly with someone. But sometimes you need someone to talk to, to express why you like or dislike a candidate to sort out your feelings. If you’re in that boat about any candidate, shoot me a line! I’d be happy to talk.

Lastly, sorry about that misleading title. I promise not to be misleading again.

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Trumpisms

Donald Trump, 41 days into his presidency, announced in a speech that he has heard the phrase “standing on the shoulders of giants” and he “always found that to be baloney. Other people might have to stand on others shoulders, but some people, like me, are great enough that they can just leapfrog over those giants.”

Following are a list of quotes from Trump. We can only assume that these are him “leapfrogging” over famous quotes from some of our nations past presidents.

“And so I said Mr. Xi Jinping [Chinese president], tear down that wall! I’ll build you a bigger, nicer, better, more likely to keep out the riff raff wall.”

“We choose to go to the moon! We choose to go to the moon not because it is easy, but because it is … I mean think about it, it’s prime real estate.”

“The only thing we have to fear … is a two term limit. You really want some loser in here after you’ve gotten used to me? That’d be like going from caviar to some sort of loser-paste.”

“There is nothing wrong in America that can’t be fixed with what is right in America. And what is right in America is currently in a 12,000 dollar suit staring right at the camera telling you we should be embarrassed that the White House is so tiny. Here’s what I propose …” (And thus followed Trump’s famous speech that many thought was an homage to The Jerk, but no, he’s just that nuts.)

Back Up – It’s Holiday Time Ya’ll

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: Valentine’s Day and President’s Day have joined forces and we can now expect Valentine’s Day cards that also celebrate Presidents.
Personally, I think it’s a great idea.
Lesser known or oft-forgotten presidents can finally get their time in the lime-light.
Look for new classic cards like:
“My heart Van Burens for you”
And, uh …
“Wanna go to Cleveland?”
Well. This is tougher than I thought it’d be. How about …
19_rutherford_b_hayes

“Rutherford B. Hayes girl … what’s up?”

Blech.
Ok, nevermind everybody. Let’s keep romance and the presidents separated.

Trump Days in to the Presidency

It’s 100 days into THE President Trump’s Presidency … Let’s look at some highlights, shall we?

Day 1 – Trump gets a dog and names it Weakness. Refuses to let it in the White House, tells the nation this dog is a metaphor.

Day 5 – After days of PETA protests, Trump says he’ll personally pay for pita sandwiches for anyone who will boycott PETA’s boycott.

Day 6 – The nation learns how tasty a pita sandwich can be, while about half the nation practically oozes hatred in combination with enjoying a tasty meal.

Day 12 – Trump meets with several foreign leaders for a record breaking seven minutes, he is heard leaving the meeting saying horribly racist things which the nation … eats up? What?

Day 20 – Trump’s temporary spike in popularity drops down when he laughs at someone for being poor.

Day 33 – Trump is accused of pooping in a paper bag and dropping it at the front door of his major political opponent.

Day 50 – Trump heads out on vacation.

Day 70 – Trump’s back, and declares war on a TBD country or countries. Trump says this with the kind of confidence and swagger that practically causes sane people to drop dead.

Day 72 – Trump declares that the word Trump means the number 100. He says no dollar bill is classier than the Trump dollar bill.

Day 79 – The to be determined countries surrender, and the United States is now a “majority shareholder” in Greenland and another country that Trump refuses to share the name of.

Day 85 – Trump attempts to have a journalist who called him Trumpleton fired, and then assassinated. In the end Trump buys the newspaper and fires everyone except the cartoonist, who is instructed to “go nuts”.

Day 92 – Trump embraces the name Trumpleton, declares that it is equal to the number 10.

Day 100 – Trump days into office, or ten Trumpletons, and Trump gives a speech that is monumental in the number of search engine queries for rules on becoming expats.

Unexpected Facts from the Lincoln Book

Remember way back on Monday, when I talked about Lincoln by Thomas Keneally. I decided to make a note of a few facts that I learned from the book that I thought were crazy.

General Scott had stationed troops along Pennsylvania Avenue and around the Capitol with the specific instructions, for the first time in American history, to protect the incoming president’s life.

 

Near the east portico of the Capitol, a rostrum had been built, with barriers to separate the inauguration party from the public, again for the first time in history. The old republican piety of the president’s being merely the first among citizens had come under threat of the assassin’s bullet, a threat that would never leave the American political scene.

 

That successor was Gen. Ambrose Burnside, a robust six-footer with ferocious “sideburns,” as people had begun to call those flourishes of facial hair in whimsical regard for the general.

 

Similarly, a flat 3 percent tax on all incomes over eight hundred dollars per year was introduced, and though it produced at first an insubstantial flow of revenue, it marked the beginning of the fiscal world twentieth-century Americans would inherit.

When Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address another man, Edward Everett (a classical scholar), spoke before him. Everett spoke for TWO HOURS, and his speech was considered “enormously successful, brilliant in the eyes of contemporaries.” After that speech Lincoln gave his now very famous address. And according to one historian, Garry Wills, it changed things.

In its exalting of vernacular and biblical oratory over Everett’s Greek Revival tour de force, Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address made the traditional rhetoric of its day suddenly obsolete. “[A]ll modern political prose descends from the Gettysburg Address.”

Attn: Ellen (6/13/12)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Soon I’ll be going to visit D.C.! I’m debating starting a postcard writing campaign to the president. I figure I’ll easily be able to tell if they’re getting them or not, from how fast security guards are to give me strange glances. But I bet Carl, the Secret Service guy with the quirky sense of humor that I made up just now, I bet he’ll wave hello.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Attn: Ellen (8/3/11)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

When I see a girl who I am attracted to I become very awkward. It’s unfortunate. I become awkward, and I create situations that look and feel strange.

If only there was some photograph that could depict how weird/awkward I am.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

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