The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘milk’

Congrats, Dairy Lobby

You may have seen that the dairy lobby scored a recent success with the FDA intending to come down on the use of the word ‘milk’ in products. (Here’s a pun-filled article about it.)

AND THANK GOODNESS.

You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve passed up cow mammary excretions in favor of some FAKER, some PRETENDER, labeled with the word milk. Maybe I shouldn’t go grocery shopping in a milkless-life-induced-milk-shortsightedness but I see a container with the word ‘milk’ and I buy it.

Does it look like my traditional gallon of milk? Nah, it’s in a box.

But I don’t care, I SEE THE WORD MILK, I BUY.

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Seriously, does the dairy industry expect this to help their bottom line? Are there actually people who are buying almond milk, soy milk, rice milk, <whatever> milk and then getting home and saying, ‘oh dagnabit marketing, you’ve done it again! FOOLED!’

If anything this makes me want to come up with a new ‘milk’ which I’ll call candy milk, and you produce it by taking candy, adding it to water, and then grinding it all up real smooth and milk-like, see, and then boom, candy milk. 10,000% more sugar, 127% disgusting tasting, but boy will it sell like hotcakes to those milk-fools.

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Good old fashioned Costco-brand goat’s milk … or wait, this came from a team of rabbits?

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My Zombie Roomy (2/3/10)

2/3/10
I came home from work yesterday and I thought some of my milk was gone, but I couldn’t be sure. The zombie doesn’t seem to ever take any of my food as far as I can tell, so I didn’t think anything of it.

Until today.

Today I came home and the zombie was pouring my milk out in the sink. What’s that all about?

I think he must be lactose intolerant. But, it’s not like it’s dietary, it’s personal for him. I can’t back this up with facts, it’s just a feeling.

I tried to ask him about it, but he wouldn’t answer me. He just stared at the door to the pantry closet. He could tell I was angry about it though, because eventually he said “brains?” in this really sad tone. I couldn’t stay mad at him, so we played some Wii tennis and I let him win.

(He’s so bad at that game, but every once and a while he has one of those super fast serves – I don’t know how he does it).

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