The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘milk’

Congrats, Dairy Lobby

You may have seen that the dairy lobby scored a recent success with the FDA intending to come down on the use of the word ‘milk’ in products. (Here’s a pun-filled article about it.)


You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve passed up cow mammary excretions in favor of some FAKER, some PRETENDER, labeled with the word milk. Maybe I shouldn’t go grocery shopping in a milkless-life-induced-milk-shortsightedness but I see a container with the word ‘milk’ and I buy it.

Does it look like my traditional gallon of milk? Nah, it’s in a box.

But I don’t care, I SEE THE WORD MILK, I BUY.


Seriously, does the dairy industry expect this to help their bottom line? Are there actually people who are buying almond milk, soy milk, rice milk, <whatever> milk and then getting home and saying, ‘oh dagnabit marketing, you’ve done it again! FOOLED!’

If anything this makes me want to come up with a new ‘milk’ which I’ll call candy milk, and you produce it by taking candy, adding it to water, and then grinding it all up real smooth and milk-like, see, and then boom, candy milk. 10,000% more sugar, 127% disgusting tasting, but boy will it sell like hotcakes to those milk-fools.


Good old fashioned Costco-brand goat’s milk … or wait, this came from a team of rabbits?

My Zombie Roomy (2/3/10)

I came home from work yesterday and I thought some of my milk was gone, but I couldn’t be sure. The zombie doesn’t seem to ever take any of my food as far as I can tell, so I didn’t think anything of it.

Until today.

Today I came home and the zombie was pouring my milk out in the sink. What’s that all about?

I think he must be lactose intolerant. But, it’s not like it’s dietary, it’s personal for him. I can’t back this up with facts, it’s just a feeling.

I tried to ask him about it, but he wouldn’t answer me. He just stared at the door to the pantry closet. He could tell I was angry about it though, because eventually he said “brains?” in this really sad tone. I couldn’t stay mad at him, so we played some Wii tennis and I let him win.

(He’s so bad at that game, but every once and a while he has one of those super fast serves – I don’t know how he does it).

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