Last year I went to this work conference thing and during this one ‘session’ a girl talked about what she calls ‘the zombie shuffle.’ This is often seen by senior engineers, or engineers of any kind I guess. It’s because us engineer-types tend to not be as social, and sometimes we walk while thinking so we just sort of stare and don’t pay attention to people around us.
Anyway, the girl’s name for this – ‘the zombie shuffle’ – was, let’s call it: ‘corporate cute.’
I remembered this yesterday at work (after I realized I was doing this, and walked by a guy doing the same thing). I came home and told the Zombie about it. I ended by saying, “so we’re regarded as intelligent and brainless!” He didn’t seem to have any reaction. I was honestly curious if he’d be upset, or touched, or who knows what. He can be very hard to read.
Then I woke up and he had taken one of my big, old TI calculators and SHOVED IT INSIDE HIS ARM!
I know he’s the undead so it didn’t hurt him, and it looks kinda neat in a weird-zombie sort of way. It’s just odd to see a calculator stuck halfway inside someone’s arm.
The problem remains: does that mean he was insulted, or touched? Like is this a warning sign for nerds to keep at bay, or a welcome sign?
Honestly, what does this mean?
Last night I was on facebook, and the Zombie was chilling on the couch next to me. I saw that a friend of mine had checked in somewhere using the application FourSquare, so I said, “oh Miss Amy’s at [bar name], that’s cool.”
The Zombie looked up from the stuffed animal he was chewing on (I started buying him chew toys because the door handle to my bathroom was getting disgusting – he’d just gnaw on it randomly), and he said “brains?”
I had a minor dilemma – I of course didn’t want my friend Amy to be in any danger of being eaten by the Zombie, but I was curious if he actually knew where this bar was. I let him look at the screen, and he looked up at me, seemed to smirk, and said “brains” very confidently. Then he stood up and headed for the door.
I sat on my couch shocked. ‘Oh my God!’ I thought to myself, ‘I think I just killed Amy!’
But right when the Zombie opened the door he started coughing, and coughed up a bunch of stuffing that was in the stuffed animal. I yell at him not to eat the stuffing but he does it anyway. It really upsets me.
Oh yeah and I haven’t seen an update in Amy for a while. That’s also troublesome.
Ok things got crazy last night and the Zombie confronted me and he seemed so crazed and … man I was scared. So I did what I do best. I rambled endlessly and eventually we hit a common ground.
The Zombie and I are going to launch some new, extremely niche market emoticons!!
Here are our ideas so far:
hamster with a gas problem
turtle who can’t believe he was just diagnosed with gonorrhea
old man who CAN believe it’s not butter
apron with an attitude
poofy jacket worn by Alicia Keys, but with Barbra Streisand’s face
toothbrush with an attitude
paint shaker with an attitude
(we really loved the ‘with an attitude’ thing)
meatball sandwich that just got a love letter
a tiger shark who is totally baiting the hook to try and get a compliment