The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘quotes’

Quotes of the Day!

All of these quotes come from The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.

 

evaporated like the tail end of a sweet dream.

 

and a mouth set in a sort of perpetual sneer. I don’t mean a nasty sneer, but an amused, mysterious sneer, as if all the people around her were pretty silly and she could tell some good jokes on them if she wanted to.

 

I liked looking on at other people in crucial situations … I certainly learned a lot of things I never would have learned otherwise this way, and even when they surprised me or made me sick I never let on, but pretended that’s the way I knew things were all the time.

 

I’d discovered, after a lot of extreme apprehension about what spoons to use, that if you do something incorrect at table with a certain arrogance, as if you knew perfectly well you were doing it properly, you can get away with it and nobody will think you are bad-mannered or poorly brought up. They will think you are original and very witty.

 

I spent a lot of time having imaginary conversations with Buddy Willard. He was a coupe of years older than I was and very scientific, so he could always prove things. When I was with him I had to work to keep my head above water.
These conversations I had in my mind usually repeated the beginnings of conversations I’d really had with Buddy, only they finished with me answering him back quite sharply, instead of just sitting around and saying, ‘I guess so.’

 

For the first time in my life, sitting there in the sound-proof heart of the UN building between Constantin who could play tennis as well as simultaneously interpret and the Russian girl who knew so many idioms, I felt dreadfully inadequate. The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn’t thought about it.

50 Shades of Grey Review

For book club we read 50 Shades of Grey, by E. L. James. If you don’t know anything about it, allow me to allow Ellen DeGeneres (you know, the lady I wrote postcards to once a week in the hopes she’ll take pity and invite me on her show and help me get published?) … anywho, here’s Ellen reading from 50 Shades.

The book is bad. I don’t know how else to tell you that. I’m sure some people will like it, but even people who like it (on boards I looked at) seemed to know that it was still bad writing. If you’re into reading about kinky sex or controlling dudes, I recommend this book. Otherwise, suffice yourself with this series of quotes from the book.

My personal favorites are the ones where she talks to her subconscious, and also her “inner goddess.” Good GOD this book is bad.

50 Shades of Grey

His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel … or something.

“Um.” I feel the color in my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of The Communist Manifesto. Stop talking. Stop talking. NOW.

Paul is cute in a wholesome all-American boy-next-door kind of way, but he’s no literary hero, not by any stretch of the imagination. Is Grey? my subconscious asks me, her eyebrow figuratively raised. I slap her down.

My subconscious is figuratively tutting and glaring at me over her half-moon specs.

Tonight’s the night! After all this time, am I ready for this? My inner goddess glares at me, tapping her small foot impatiently. She’s been ready for this for years, and she’s ready for anything with Christian Grey

He gives me a wicked grin, the effects of which travel all the way down there.

It’s a beautiful May morning, Seattle at my feet. Wow, what a view. Beside me, Christian is fast asleep. Wow, what a view.

My inner goddess sits in the lotus position looking serene except for the sly, self-congratulatory smile on her face.

[…] a very small part of me resents that he should find this a surprise. My inner goddess does, too. She makes a very vulgar and unattractive gesture at him with her fingers.

My inner goddess jumps up and down with cheerleading pom-poms shouting yes at me.

My subconscious runs, screaming, and hides behind the couch.

My subconscious peeks out from behind the couch, still registering shock on her harpy face.

I thought I was in charge? My inner goddess looks like someone snatched her ice cream.

My inner goddess pouts at me, failing miserably to hide her disappointment.

Fin

What’s impressive is that I have even more so-amazingly-bad-they’re-good quotes from this book. But that’s all I can muster for now, my inner goddess has a gun.

Quotes of the Day!

The following are quotes from The Pirates! in an Adventure with Communists by Gideon Defoe. The first quote is on page 1, the book starts dumb/stupid/awesome and ends that way.

 

The pirates were sat in the boat’s kitchen arguing over what the proper protocol was for dealing with a drunken pirate. After the debate about whether sea anemones made better pretend mustaches or better pretend eyebrows when you stuck them to your face, this was easily the pirates’ favorite topic of conversation.

 

They deliberately parked across two disabled spaces, because that kind of behavior was pretty much the whole point of being a pirate.

 

‘I’m fluent, thank you. Almost like a native,’ said the Captain, with a scowl. The Pirate Captain knew the French for ‘This is a pretty donkey’ and also ‘This is not a pretty donkey’, and he couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t either a pretty donkey or not a pretty donkey, so that was just about every eventuality covered.

 

‘You know when the Pirate Captain says something like, “I may lead a secret double life as a spy? Or maybe I don’t. Who’s to say?’ and then he arches an eyebrow? That’s enigmatic.’
‘Ah. I always thought that was just annoying.’