The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Weekly Wacko’

A Little Too Comfortable

What toilet paper does for people’s derrieres contributes considerably more to the abyss between the classes than a good many external signs.

– The Elegance of the Hedgehog

My junior year of college I found myself at a friend’s campus housing, loading my backpack with the free campus toilet paper. When the backpack was zippered up I looked like an industrious, hard-working student who had just spent a day expanding his intellectually curious mind with a backpack full of books. What my friend and I knew was that I was a cheapskate, and I had either just hit a new low, or discovered something great: a new way to not spend money.

It was toward the start of the year and I had my own apartment for the first time. When I had started the year my mom had driven down with me to SMU with all of my belongings and she helped me move in. We ran to Sam’s/Costco/Target/Bed Bath and Beyond/whatever (it’s all a blur) and she bought a lot of stuff for me. One of the things we got was a big package of toilet paper. The nice kind.

The campus toilet paper was obviously bought for quantity, not quality. Where Quilted Northern can describe itself as plush, this stuff would describe itself as vengeful and angry. “Dear spoiled college students, go take your naps and enjoy this carefree time of your life … I’ll bring you down a notch.”

When I got home I unloaded the haul – I would be set with toilet paper for a while, and when I ran out?, who cares!, a quick walk to my friend’s campus housing and wha-la, I was set yet again. I didn’t know how much toilet paper cost, but I felt like a champion of thriftiness.

Then, the dreaded day. The last of my mom-purchased, high quality toilet paper and the switch back to the campus stuff. WAIT A MINUTE!, my body seemed to say, I thought we’d moved past this stuff! Apparently, apartment life had spoiled me some (in other ways – the ants, the forgetting to pay the electricity that one summer month, it had not).

I was talking with a few friends and toilet paper came up, and what I said surprised my cheap self (and my friends for my over-sharing): “You know, I think one thing I don’t mind splurging on is toilet paper …” (This statement was greeted with surprised/confused/amused looks.) “WHAT?!,” I said not at all casually in defense, “it’s … I mean, come on!, it’s worth the comfort!”

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Kids Write the Darndest Things, Part 2

Thank you letter from a kid

“I learned about Human Resources which is the items Human uses.”
If that doesn’t make this child sound like an alien conqueror, I don’t know what would.

Thank you letter from a kid

“I learned, first, how to make and run a company.”
Woah. This other guy and I are apparently AMAZING teachers.

Thank you letter from a kid

“income means you will like 200:00 dollars and expense means you loss like 50:00 dollars.”
What? Oh I get it … This is one advanced child. He/she already grasped the next lesson: time is money. What time is it!? It’s 50:00 dollars O’Clock.

 

 

Thank you letter from a kid

“Like a lawyer gets lots of money. Next, income and expense, income is getting money. I get an income in taking out the trash. It was my moms expense to give me the money for taking out the trash.”
Telling it like it is. “P.S. Colts rock!” – how great is that?

Thank you letter from a kid

“I learned that business need no themselves but also other businesses.”
Poetry. And also, the guts on this guy … refreshing MY memory? Pft.
“and to refresh your memorie capital resources means building, machines, and tools.”

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Kids Write the Darndest Things

I am writing this from my bedroom in my parent’s house (it’s not really “my” bedroom so much as anyone’s bedroom now … but the closets are still full of my junk. Don’t worry folks, I’ll empty those one day when I have a house that can hold all that stuff that should probably just be thrown away).

Anyhow, I stumbled on just one of those items that I am keeping for no reason. It is an envelope full of letters that were sent to another guy and I after we volunteered in their classroom. The teacher was a nice woman who forced them to write these letters.

There are some gems among those letters which I will show tomorrow. For now, a few items about that day.

The event was working with a classroom for a day, for my partner and I it was 4th grade. You spent the whole day with them, going through a workbook, and teaching them various things (depending on what grade you had). For us the lesson plan was about how businesses work. Or local economies. Or something like that.

I volunteered for this because I enjoy working with kids, but also because I wanted friends. This happened not long after I moved to California. I signed up and was paired with another person who did not have a partner. The other guy, let’s call him Doug, turned out to be maybe 5’5 or so? It made me feel awkwardly tall. But, Doug was a nice guy and I was excited about working with the kids.

The classroom day had three awkward highlights:

One very honest and blunt kid (who knew exactly what he was doing, the little twerp), asked sweetly, “how come you’re so tall and you’re so short?”

After recess a little girl came up to me:

“Where were you at recess?”
“Where was I? I was at kickball!” (I said this sarcastically, because that’s my tendency.)
The little girl, sadly: “Oh, because I looked for you to play a game.”

Doug, later (jokingly because he knew I felt bad): “Way to lie to a little girl and hurt her feelings.”

And part three … One of the thank you letters was addressed to Mrs. Doug! How great, and insulting, is that!

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