The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘cheap’

A Little Too Comfortable

What toilet paper does for people’s derrieres contributes considerably more to the abyss between the classes than a good many external signs.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog

My junior year of college I found myself at a friend’s campus housing, loading my backpack with the free campus toilet paper. When the backpack was zippered up I looked like an industrious, hard-working student who had just spent a day expanding his intellectually curious mind with a backpack full of books. What my friend and I knew was that I was a cheapskate, and I had either just hit a new low, or discovered something great: a new way to not spend money.

It was toward the start of the year and I had my own apartment for the first time. When I had started the year my mom had driven down with me to SMU with all of my belongings and she helped me move in. We ran to Sam’s/Costco/Target/Bed Bath and Beyond/whatever (it’s all a blur) and she bought a lot of stuff for me. One of the things we got was a big package of toilet paper. The nice kind.

The campus toilet paper was obviously bought for quantity, not quality. Where Quilted Northern can describe itself as plush, this stuff would describe itself as vengeful and angry. “Dear spoiled college students, go take your naps and enjoy this carefree time of your life … I’ll bring you down a notch.”

When I got home I unloaded the haul – I would be set with toilet paper for a while, and when I ran out?, who cares!, a quick walk to my friend’s campus housing and wha-la, I was set yet again. I didn’t know how much toilet paper cost, but I felt like a champion of thriftiness.

Then, the dreaded day. The last of my mom-purchased, high quality toilet paper and the switch back to the campus stuff. WAIT A MINUTE!, my body seemed to say, I thought we’d moved past this stuff! Apparently, apartment life had spoiled me some (in other ways – the ants, the forgetting to pay the electricity that one summer month, it had not).

I was talking with a few friends and toilet paper came up, and what I said surprised my cheap self (and my friends for my over-sharing): “You know, I think one thing I don’t mind splurging on is toilet paper …” (This statement was greeted with surprised/confused/amused looks.) “WHAT?!,” I said not at all casually in defense, “it’s … I mean, come on!, it’s worth the comfort!”

Adventures in Haircuts

For the past two years or so I have been going to the same place to get my hair cut. I go to the place for two reasons:

  • It’s cheap
  • It’s close by

Clearly, I’m not too concerned with how my haircuts go. But it wouldn’t hurt me if I was. Except for a handful of occasions, I have left my haircutters of choice disappointed. I go assuming that I will leave with a haircut I don’t like. Usually it’s an easy problem though – they cut it shorter than I want. I can get over this because a week or two after I get my hair cut it will look nice, and because they cut it shorter than I want, they’re saving me money. Winners all around!

Unfortunately for me, I once had two good haircuts in a ROW from a girl who worked there briefly. Craziness! I left and thought, “hey I look nice” instead of, “hey I look like Jim Carrey from Dumb & Dumber.”  Bad haircut

Last week I was on my way to my usual hair cut place while talking to my sister on the phone. She helped convince me to head to a new place – for a good haircut! What an adventure! My ‘cheap’ criteria still had to be met so I just went to a different cheapskate place …

Much to my surprise, the haircut at this place was even worse. I have a weird bump on the back of my head which should be treated like a speed hump … the girl cutting my hair disagreed. In her mind pushing hard against my head with the clippers would round out my head in no time and make her future work easier (except I won’t be going back there).

I wanted to ask her if, in her mind, she and I had recently suffered from a bad break-up … because she really seemed angry.

Check out the lovely pictures I sent to my sister when I got home.

bad haircutbad haircut

< How do you have two ears SO different? >






For this one she told me my eyes made me look like a cartoon villain. I was going for a ‘shocked’ look.

bad haircut

I like to think it makes me look like I’m always at an angle. Head tilted questioningly.

Have no fear, dear reader, I fixed the ear problem with my razor. I’d say I’m looking pretty dapper.

My Zombie Roomy (2/24/11)

A few days ago I wrote about how I thought the Zombie maybe killed my friend Amy? Well, turns out I was wrong.

You see, Amy sells Lush stuff which is fancy, pretty-smelling stuff.

At first, because the Zombie smelled good, I assumed he killed Amy and accidentally ate some soap. But then, when Amy called and yelled at me to pay for all the soap the Zombie ate – that’s when I knew Amy was still alive.

And feisty.

And Lush stuff is expensive. I’ve got the Zombie drooling into my bathtub right now because he apparently ate four bath bombs. I know it’s disgusting, but I’m cheap, and I’m going to get my money’s worth from these bath bombs one way or another.

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