The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘volunteering’

Resolutions for 2017

2017! That’s nuts.

Anyway, last year wasn’t all that great for me as far as self-improvement. I have the easy and ready excuse of my wife and I moving from Texas to Colorado at the very end of  December, 2015, so 2016 was spent adjusting to a new home, and a new job (two stressful things – especially the job).

One thing that stands out is that I hardly read! I played more video games, I think, so those two things combine to show that I was choosing escape over engaging my brain in anything.

This year I’d like to get back on track.

***

I have forced my hand on the work out front by signing up for a 25 mile trail run. This will be difficult. Really difficult. You go up hills, down hills, up hills, down hills, etc … What have I done?

That’ll force me to work out the first half of the year, hopefully I’ll keep it going for the second half. Now, let’s get to brass tacks.

  • I will read at least 18 books
  • I will volunteer 12 times (once a month would work well)
  • I will do six new hikes. (Colorado, I am failing to take advantage of your beauty!)
  • I will get to know my fancy new camera and take it out and try my best to take awesome pictures

What’s that Corporate Brad, you want to talk stretch goals?

  • Because I’ll be trained up for a 25 mile trail run, it’d be nice to do a marathon, but that’ll depend on how I am feeling after the 25er
  • It would also be fun to do a relay race or a mud run kind of thing for funsies
  • I’d like to get back to writing more … I do three blog posts a week, which is nice, but it’s somewhat of a consistent low grade effort. I would like to pick up my NaNoWriMo book that I started 2 years ago and finish it, or some other book I have worked on but it could use a revisit. That’d be a good thing.
That’s it for my resolutions. How about you?

Kids Write the Darndest Things, Part 2

Thank you letter from a kid

“I learned about Human Resources which is the items Human uses.”
If that doesn’t make this child sound like an alien conqueror, I don’t know what would.

Thank you letter from a kid

“I learned, first, how to make and run a company.”
Woah. This other guy and I are apparently AMAZING teachers.

Thank you letter from a kid

“income means you will like 200:00 dollars and expense means you loss like 50:00 dollars.”
What? Oh I get it … This is one advanced child. He/she already grasped the next lesson: time is money. What time is it!? It’s 50:00 dollars O’Clock.

 

 

Thank you letter from a kid

“Like a lawyer gets lots of money. Next, income and expense, income is getting money. I get an income in taking out the trash. It was my moms expense to give me the money for taking out the trash.”
Telling it like it is. “P.S. Colts rock!” – how great is that?

Thank you letter from a kid

“I learned that business need no themselves but also other businesses.”
Poetry. And also, the guts on this guy … refreshing MY memory? Pft.
“and to refresh your memorie capital resources means building, machines, and tools.”

Weekly Wacko (65)

Do These Glasses Make Me Look Stupid?

It turns out that people get glasses for a reason. I don’t know, though, I’m still testing this.

In high school I was involved in you-name-it-I’m-in-it club. This was for the almighty get into a good college nonsense. One of these clubs involved volunteering.

At some point I was signed up to go bag groceries at a grocery store. It was for the March of Dimes. After bagging someone’s groceries I would smilingly say, “I’m bagging groceries for the March of Dimes, if you have any spare change …” Or something along those lines.

I figured bagging groceries didn’t require 20-20 vision, so I left my glasses in my car.

A good friend and I head to the grocery store, it is close to where he lives and he was just as involved in clubs so he figured why not. I am assigned an aisle and I am ready to rumble!

Let’s bring this mess on so I can BAG IT UP!

Unfortunately it is slow-moving that day – hardly anybody is coming through. When people do come through they give me nothing. I may as well have been saying, “I’m bagging groceries for my crack addiction, if you have any spare change …”

During the lulls I debate talking to the clerk. She is a pretty cute girl, I think. Again, not wearing my glasses. But I can be awfully shy and instead look around during the lulls, pretending to be deep in thought.

With about fifteen minutes left a woman comes along and asks for a pack of cigarettes. I stare at her. The clerk stares at me. The woman stares at me. The clerk asks if I will go get the cigarettes (they were behind some counter). I gladly comply – why didn’t they just ask in the first place instead of staring at me! (Like I’m not already awkward enough.)

After I get the cigarettes I come back and hand them to the clerk. She says, “thanks, Brad.”

What?

How does she know my name?

I …

Oh …

Oh no …

OH MAN YOU GOTTA BE FREAKING KIDDING ME!

I dated one girl in high school. It was an odd relationship that ended on a weird note. This clerk, as luck would have it, happened to be my one ex-girlfriend.

I had just been standing FIVE FEET AWAY FROM MY EX-GIRLFRIEND for about … oh … an hour and forty-five minutes … and I didn’t say a word.

I sincerely hope she caught the surprised look on my face and remembered that I ordinarily wore glasses. If it was me I would’ve assumed the worst and thought I was just some horribly mean person who couldn’t even say hello.

Thankfully I left very soon after that.

I don’t think I said anything before I left – too busy yelling at myself for not wearing glasses and doing that community service in the first place and then for walking away without saying goodbye (I started yelling at myself for this as soon as I turned my back and started to walk).

Glasses, huh? They are a tricky friend.

Want another example of a glasses-free bit of idiocy? Click here.

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