The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for October, 2009

De Jour of the Week (10/27/09)

10/27/09

Wrote this during lunch break at work. I had a taco salad today.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles are for Cries, Wails, and Ear-Splitting Squeals

Don’t sit there, don’t sit there, don’t sit there!
… You sat there.
My teeth smile, but my eyes glare
A cold. Unforgiving. Harsh. Glare.
Why the malicious stare?

A woman, with her child
Whose disposition one could never, ever, call mild
Has just set this child
This thing easily-riled
This thing that is so wild,
This thing that looks so out of contriled,

On a seat next to me.
Said creature looks around to see
But all I see
All I need to see
All I see, even with lids closed and mind shut and eyes looking way out over that way and music blasting me

Is that decibel producing,
Drool profusing,
Bathroom conducing,
Smelly child (and that smell can be quit nausea inducing.)

And now my plane, train or automobile ride
Is a showcase for a crying, wailing or squealing THING at my side

And, worry not, that’s not all –
Bottles, bags, wipes, snacks, blankets, diapers, clothes, toys, et. al,
My space is invaded by this mobile mall

Mothers! Fathers! Take note of this wordy complaint!
I’m happy to sit by you if you realize while your child is cute, – it’s no saint

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Du Jour of the Week

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De Jour of the Week (10/20/09)

10/20/09

My dad was never very big on compliments. I know this could sometimes drive my mom crazy, but it didn’t really affect me. Nevertheless, my mom felt it was necessary for my dad and I to connect on some deeper level. If I had to guess, I would imagine she gave my dad a big talk before they went to bed one night. She probably told him about how when they were dating in high school he would mention off-hand about how he wasn’t that close to his dad. She would then tell him how this made him feel when he was that young, and how he should try to learn from those lessons. There’s a good chance she would then, politely, inform my dad what he learned from those lessons. Unfortunately, even the best laid plans of mice and moms sometimes go awry. One morning, probably the very next morning after this talk, I was eating cereal and getting ready for school. My dad looked over at my mom, then down at me, and said, “your mom told me to tell you I’m proud of you.”

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De Jour of the Week (10/12/09)

10/12/09

Nothing too good … wrote it during lunch break at work. boy it pays to sit alone and eat peanut butter sandwiches at my desk!!!

I’m Sorry

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry! I didn’t mean what I said when I said what I said.
Don’t you know you can’t trust a guy who’s fresh out of bed?
It was cruel and unusual, and it shouldn’t be usable.
But I said it
And regret it
And dread it
When it comes time for our next fight inevit.
If you could just forget the past hour,
And make your face un-sour?
Please? Don’t you have it in your power?
Well what about that time that you –
I shouldn’t walk down that road (it’s not right to do).
I made a mistake, a great mistake,
A groggy-eyed, slow-headed, sleep-filled mistake.
Haven’t you ever made a mistake?
But this isn’t about you it’s all about me –
And how I can make it up to you, my lovely,
My dovely, my all-around shmoopsy-woopsy-wovely.
What’s that? I didn’t make a sound? Not a word, not a peep?
I was still dreaming and whatever I said was said in my sleep?
Well … I’m feeling not quite like a sheep,
But sheepish
And I kinda wish
I hadn’t dished that dish.
Now you’re wondering what was said in my sleep,
And get real, sugar, because you won’t get a peep,
I’m as pure, clean, and innocent as a sheep.
But sometimes I act a bit sheepish.

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