The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.


“As soon as the coin in the coffer springs, the soul from purgatory springs.” I remember that from European History class my junior year of high school, and I found a way to throw the phrase “coin in coffer” into something! Yeah nerd-ness!

An Ode to All Things but Expensive Things

If you open your eyes, ears, nose, hands, mouth and mind
A great many things you’re bound to find.
These things will range from terrible to amazing
Depending on your particular liking or disliking

Yes, I’m saying that you should even try the bad
Because good’s much better when it’s not all you’ve had.
You can’t have the Himalayas without terrible earthquakes
You won’t know the highest highs without heart breaks.

But, I’m afraid things aren’t as simple as what I’m saying
Because many things you can’t experience without experiencing paying.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a radical, some revolutionary,
Looking to turn the world upside rightside wrongside topsy turvy.

I’m just writing this to find some dear, kind, sympathetic soul
Someone who hears my plight and wants to make my life more full.
Can you believe, I haven’t once experienced the joy of owning a mansion
Or tasted ice cream so good that I embrace mid-section expansion?

I think it’d only be decent to let me drive some Italian-made car
Or at the very least let me sit and sip wine in some Napa valley bar.
I’d love to sit one day, and for you, write an ode to all things
But until your coin hits my coffer, this is my ode to all things but expensive things.

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