I posted a challenge here which Dear Mr. Hendrik won hands down. And not just because he was the only person who responded (although that didn’t hurt his odds).
Here’s the challenge:
“My challenge to you, dear reader(s) – come up with an innuendo phrase that involves socioeconomic. The winner of the challenge will get a very crappy poem written to/about/for them. The poem will probably not make sense, but it will rhyme.”
So without further ado!,
An Ode to the Non-Review
Don’t fall for the trick
Of Mr. T.S. Hendrik
And foolishly misconstrue
If I want my dose snark
With a side of review
Or a cat with a caustic remark
I turn to the “Non”-Review
There’s nothing non about his reviews
He’s looking up movies you haven’t seen while you snooze
But what IS The Non-Review?
(If you don’t already) It’s time you knew:
It’s the land of the 7 Word Weekend Skewer
The land of Pete, the large-toothed ne’er doer
The land of the numerically-oriented (Just the facts, ma’am) reviewer
And, lest we should forget, Wilfred Brimley’s never been bluer …
So congratulations to T.S.
Who keeps his fans coming back saying “yes”
Here’s to more Non-Reviews
I felt the need for gibberish to end, because I promised that it would rhyme, not that it would make sense.
Want a crappy poem written about you or your blog, or your imaginary cat? Let me know … I may get around to it, if you’re cool enough.
“As soon as the coin in the coffer springs, the soul from purgatory springs.” I remember that from European History class my junior year of high school, and I found a way to throw the phrase “coin in coffer” into something! Yeah nerd-ness!
An Ode to All Things but Expensive Things
If you open your eyes, ears, nose, hands, mouth and mind
A great many things you’re bound to find.
These things will range from terrible to amazing
Depending on your particular liking or disliking
Yes, I’m saying that you should even try the bad
Because good’s much better when it’s not all you’ve had.
You can’t have the Himalayas without terrible earthquakes
You won’t know the highest highs without heart breaks.
But, I’m afraid things aren’t as simple as what I’m saying
Because many things you can’t experience without experiencing paying.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a radical, some revolutionary,
Looking to turn the world upside rightside wrongside topsy turvy.
I’m just writing this to find some dear, kind, sympathetic soul
Someone who hears my plight and wants to make my life more full.
Can you believe, I haven’t once experienced the joy of owning a mansion
Or tasted ice cream so good that I embrace mid-section expansion?
I think it’d only be decent to let me drive some Italian-made car
Or at the very least let me sit and sip wine in some Napa valley bar.
I’d love to sit one day, and for you, write an ode to all things
But until your coin hits my coffer, this is my ode to all things but expensive things.