The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Shalom to Christmas

I submitted this poem for a contest with the Arizona Republic. The winning story (they said story, I and a few others said forget your story – we’re doing poems) was printed in today’s paper. I didn’t think my poem was all that good, but I couldn’t think of something I really liked. But maybe you’ll enjoy it more than I do.

Also, this is just so funny/cool to me. The neighbor was having yard work done. The guy doing the yard work? The Mayor of a nearby town, Eloy. How cool small-town kind of thing is that?! Seriously, he does the yard work alongside a few other guys … not some chump raking in the dough and managing. Anyway, Merry Christmas Folks!


Shalom to Christmas!

Christmas is tomorrow, which is very exciting
The good company, good food, good will and over-the-top (his electric
bill must be insane) good lighting.

But let’s not forget our Jewish friends, who just celebrated Hanukah –
Did you know it’s pronounced the same, but also spelled Chanukah?

And so, in the spirit of Christmas (you can define that as you will)
I’m writing this to teach you some Yiddish (I’m sure this is a joy for
you, a thrill).

Why do I think I’m the one to inform ya?
Well, it’s my moxy, my guts, my chutzpah!

Before you groan and roll your eyes and say,
“Who is this guy? I mean really, oy vey!”

Let me say I know a bisl about this
Which is a little, so it’s nothing to dismiss.

If you don’t own a Torah, then gather round, goyim
And read this (slant-rhyming at times) educational poyim.

This poem is somewhat long, so grab a little snack,
You can nosh on that food while this educational poem you attack.

(And I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll say it in parenthesis,
But you need to speak up for your dear bubbe, let grandma hear this with ease.)

Is your uncle telling that same story? What a meshugener.
He’s crazy!, he’s loony!, he’s nuts!, he’s, oh no, sitting by you for dinner.

Look at that loot under the tree, tomorrow it’ll fill you with pep
That is, until you travel home, when it’ll become just stuff for you to shlep

You can smell that honey-glazed ham, I think it’s about done –
Which is kosher for you, but not for everyone.

Just make sure whoever takes it out of the oven isn’t a shlemiel
They’d probably drop it, and then there goes the meal.

Oh, that’s cute – someone take a picture of grandpa with the grandkids
by the tree,
Yes, fine, I’m getting emotional, at Christmas I’m allowed to be shmaltzy.

Merry Christmas to you, and yours, and Mazel Tov in the New Year
You’ll need the luck to keep those resolutions (you’ll lose how much
weight?, get real).

Take in the scene around you, you’ll soon miss this
Let me say shalom to you and yours, and even shalom to Christmas.

(It’s a good thing this poem is done, the kids are all kvetching –
Which is a universal thing, yes you got it, they’re complaining.)

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