The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Christmas’

$5 Christmas Gifts

My brother, sister, and I have kids. Buying gifts for kids plus siblings plus sibling-in-laws … it adds up with time, effort, and money.

This year we decided on a new approach. We would buy real gifts for the kids, and then for each other … $5 gems. The goal was to buy the worst possible gift for $5.

Here are my contestants.

Attn: Ellen (12/19/18)

Front

Ellen379b

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen379a

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This year I’ve secretly been telling people ‘Mary Christmas’ because this girl I know, named Mary, likes bringing home-baked cookies to work so I hope that … aw crap, just remembered her name is actually Joan.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Christmas Gift Ideas

With Christmas right around the corner (what?), it’s time for DumbFunnery’s annual Christmas List!

‘OH, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE!’

Your family has grown to be quite large. And with all those people you are related to running around holiday shopping has gone from joy to absolute dreaded chore.

To help curtail this growing exchanging gift receipts attached to stuff problem, DumbFunnery is here to help. These gift ideas will help spark a casual conversation that will start with, ‘so … do you guys just wanna … not do gifts this year?’

1 – A bag of mayonnaise with a note that says, ‘you break it, you buy it!’

2 – An IOU for a special lesson on how to give the BEST hugs, lessons provided by Uncle Jean

man in santa claus costume

Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

3 – Find someone’s spoken word poetry online, replace any references you or the gift recipient wouldn’t get with references to Clifford the Big Red Dog and get that printed on a tote bag

4 – Make a feedbag out of duct tape with a sign on the front in a different-colored duct tape that says ‘FEED ME.’ Then maybe in the card that goes with the gift a not-so-veiled comment about working out.

5 – A collection of proud mom of stickers from different elementary schools, colleges, and sports teams if they make such things. And then, to go the extra mile, go ahead and pop those on their car, too.

There you have it, a Christmas free of stress is in your future.

Of course, you could always just buy people stuff you’d think they’d like and not worry so much … but there’s always Uncle Jean and what on earth do you get Uncle Jean?

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