The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.


I read this to my mom and she said “that’s scary.” And I said, “why’s that scary?” (I was going for funny, not fear.) Her response ended up making her “that’s scary” statement make SOME sense – but I honestly can’t remember it. Besides, who doesn’t love a good mystery?

Please Don’t Contradict Me When I’m so Clearly Wrong

Please don’t contradict me when I’m so clearly wrong
Just nod your head, say ‘mmhmm’, and play along

I’ve had a long day and I’ve thrown logic out the window
And if I say I want ice cream for dinner you say ‘let’s go’

I’ve mixed this up with that other thing
Don’t point out my error while smiling, grinning, smirking

You know darn well what I meant
Don’t point out the facts, your time could be much better spent

But don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m wrong often
I’m not, this is a hypothetical poem for that situation that’s if/when

In fact, now that I start to think about it – you’re wrong!
Who is so dumb as to not know by now to play along?
Sure, yes, I’m so clearly wrong
But you could’ve, should’ve, WILL HAVE TO learn to play along

Why aren’t you nodding your head and playing along?
CLEARLY I am once again spewing out falsehoods, fuzzy logic and all other things wrong

You’re smart at work, you’re smart at home – but maybe a little too smart
One plus one can equal three if I want it to, I know it in my heart

You remember that time I came home fuming and said ‘my boss is a jerk’?
And you said ‘well dear, last week you said your boss is the best part of your work?’
I mean really, honestly, your obliviousness was cute when it was a quirk
But if you don’t get with the program I’ll drop the q-u and it’ll just be an irk

Ok fine … I admit it … I’m sommmmmmmetimes wrong
And … I’d appreciate it if you could play along

I know your knowledge and corrections I should probably embrace
But honestly, I’d rather punch you in the face

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