The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.


McDonald’s at my desk + constant document reading = this poem.


Hi, hello, how are you! – it’s my first day
This is my background, how bout the weather here … this is all I say
“Here’s some reading material, have fun figuring it out, mmmk?”

Sure boss, no problem, I’ll hop right on it
With my determination and desire to succeed I am equipped
I’ll give it the old college try and these documents will soon be whipped.

Wait, what’s that acronym mean?
Whatever the hell they’re talking about is TBR, TBD (it remains to be seen)
Am I supposed to remember all this? I’m not a machine.

A list, my list, and what a list
I’ll keep track of all the acronyms so nothing will be missed
But with each new entry the list goes from scary, to scarier, to scariest

Soon I’ll become some sort of acro-maniac
Which is sort of like a brainiac
But a very limited one because it’s mostly a painiac-in-the-neckiac

And, what’s more, it’s ruining my personal life, and that’s no lie
A girl walked by, she smiled and said “hi”
And all i thought was ‘Hawaii? high integration? hypervelocity impact?’, meanwhile the female goes bye-bye.

Alphabet soup in a bowl is delicious
Alphabet soup on a page is malicious
And my ‘uhs’ and ‘ums’ are getting vicious.

So don’t mind me, the new guy, sitting in my cube and having a cow
With my worried eyes, wrecked brain, and a ten foot scowl
What!, free cookies in the break room!?! I feel better now.

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