An Ode to the Guy Who Just Cut Me Off/Tried to Kill Me
Some people are pretty nice
Some people are just pretty (aw, now that’s not nice …)
And then there’s you.
Oh, you with the car that goes so fast
You who look trampy and slutty and fast
What? I can’t judge you?
I can’t assume everything bad about you?
Gee, that soda was meant to end up on me
Those were empty calories that would’ve fattened me
I’m calming, I’m calming, you’re just an oblivious, bad driver
If you can consider someone who weeves through traffic like a needle through thread a driver
Is there a race going on in your mind?
Or are you just out of your mind?
And – wait – did you just give me a thanks wave?
I know a sarcastic thanks wave when I see a sarcastic thanks wave.
Oh, if I wasn’t! –
But I’m nice and have good values (But … If … I … Wasn’t …)
Whoops I pictured your tires all popping at once
And I have a feeling I’ll picture that more than once
Because now we’re bumper to bumper
And I wonder if my bumper is stronger than your bumper
What? I’m innocent, I’m decent, I’m sweet as sugar
Yes, I’m sugar, I’m full of rage and annoyance and anger and … sugar
Ok! Stop it! Think positive thoughts
Ah, it’s so … rainy outside and … it’s a Monday … and … where are my positive thoughts?
Phew, traffic is picking up now a bit
And I see an exit for an in-n-out so I’m chomping at the bit
Life is good, life is grand, life couldn’t be better
Well if dumbo here sneezed so hard he head butted his steering wheel life would maaaaybe be a bit better
No, no, that’s not right – as the traffic flows, my anger goes
Goodbye anger, goodbye moron, weaving through traffic he again goes …
But enough! Good luck fellow drivers! And even good luck dummy
Yes, I’m serious, I’ve forgiven the dummy
What a guy I am, what a saint
Though I guess thoughts of a double cheeseburger, fries and a shake can make anyone a saint