Tonight I am going to my friend Barry’s birthday. The birthday will be held at a gay bar. Here’s something you probably didn’t see coming – Barry is a lady! A lady named Barry, going to a gay bar for her birthday. Fantastic.
Barry is very funny, and I enjoy her quite a bit. Normally I don’t go to a gay bar unless I can cling onto a lady, but tonight I’m heading out, possibly with my straight buddy who is nicknamed Rainbows. The world’s a funny place, huh?
Anywho, this reminded me of the last time I was at a gay bar. It was quite unexpected.
At South by Southwest, on Saturday night, Airplanes, my sister and I were wandering around looking for one last show before calling it quits. It was late. We were tired. All we really wanted was to be back at the hotel, comfortable and happy … but there was the possibility of great music that drove us on.
We walked by a few bars that had lists of performers. We saw the bar we ended up choosing, made a mental note of it, and continued our search. That bar won because it was only three dollars – the rest were much more. We were set.
In line for the bar, which really turned out to be more of a club, we were surrounded by a slightly more homosexual crowd than usual at SxSW. Really, there’s a bunch of hipsters who sometimes sport odd clothes and worse haircuts – so it can be a bit hard to tell if that’s two lesbians, a heterosexual couple, or two fellas. It’s anyones guess. But I did notice, in line, that there were quite a few gay couples.
There was a very pretty girl one or two people in front of us. She was wearing a really nice dress. The bouncer even commented, “that’s a really nice dress.” She said, happily, “thanks! It’s for —.” I can’t remember the name, but it was the name of the guy who was next on the list of performers.
He turned out to be a DJ. A DJ who wasn’t wearing a shirt. A DJ who wasn’t wearing a shirt, and had another shirtless guy in the DJ area with him ALSO not wearing a shirt. I noticed this and thought, “that’s funny,” but it still hadn’t clicked. How dense am I?
I’m not sure what the song was that was playing when we walked in, but I’m pretty sure it was classic gay club music. Still, not quite getting it.
Eventually E$ turned to Airplanes and me, “…Yeah, this is a gay club.”
Not long after that a fantastic series of stereotypical things happened. I saw feather boas. The DJ started a Mary J Blige song and got on the mic to yell, “THANKS MARY!!!!” People went nuts over whatever song it was and dance walked onto the already super-packed (and full of shirtless dudes) dance floor.
Huh. My sister described the music selection as, “awesome 90s prom music.”
The highlight of the night, by far, and a phrase which I enjoy repeating (sorry, Mom) was the DJ getting on the mic and yelling, “IT’S A FUCKING SIN, BITCHES!!!!”
Let’s hope tonight delivers in a similarly stereotypical and hilarious way.