Lately I have found that I needed to spruce up my work persona. You see, I have not shaved for about a month and it’s drawing comments (notable comparisons: Lincoln, Wolverine, guy who stopped trying). While this is not that big a deal because I am a software engineer and one of my co-workers likes wearing an old t-shirt with cats on it, I do feel like I should try to counter this lazy look with something.
Maybe some co-workers see the facial hair and think, “he must be a hard worker because he has stopped grooming himself, so that extra energy is now going towards heavy mental lifting.” Other co-workers may see me and think, “there goes Brad, I bet he’s going to sit at his desk and write a poem about oak trees. Or something.”
What better way to counter potential negative reactions than by making myself seem more productive!
Here’s the Solution …
Business.
Sure, we all know the definition. Business is, you know, an entity that makes money or whatever. But what about business as … a verb!
“Where are you going?”
“I have to go to business a Todd meeting.”
“…What’s that mean?”
“Sorry, no time, business.”
“Woah … He’s important.”
Nevermind the fact that I don’t work with a guy named Todd – The person will be flabbergasted by my business acuity. Or should I say the person will be business’d by my business acuity. (More like a business cutey! What? That doesn’t make sense. Shh, yes it does.)
Business this idea over in your brain, and let me know what you think. Meanwhile, I’ve got some important documents to business.
DumbFunnery 
Comments on: "Corporate Brad Update" (2)
Haha, I love this. I’m going to business this town up. Transitive verbiage.
I’ve thought before you look like Lincoln. Also like this guy I used to know who sold t-shirt from the back of his car. So you got that going for you.
The thing about the style you’ve chosen with this beard is if you hold your hand up just right you can block it out and it looks like non-bearded you.
Try telling that last part to my mom – it’s like she’s constantly offended by the beard. It’s pretty amusing.
And thanks! For the look alikes … I guess? And also the positive feedback on the post.