The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

“What do you guys talk about for three hours anyway? Plus the drive there and back!”
– My Mom

Ok people of the world who know a son/father or sons/father or gaggle of fellas who attend baseball games and you (the non-attendee) wish to know just what it is that they talk about during the game … Here’s the scoop!

To be honest we don’t talk much. But, like a poet or Ernest Hemingway, what we say is fraught with meaning. At any given time in the summer and early fall, in baseball stadiums across America (and a few places in Canada) the air is thick with symbolism and statements that are seemingly plain but are actually metaphors for life.

That guy is throwing nothing but strikes.

Translation: Right now life is treating me right – I’m putting in the hard work and things are finally paying off. Frankly, I’m feeling like pretty hot stuff these days.

OR: The pitcher is throwing a lot of strikes.

He really whiffed on that one.

Translation: Whatever your current big ticket item in your life is (job, girlfriend, some recent big decision) – the person saying this line urges you to reconsider. If you think that it is best, he will support you, his feelings have been made clear and he’s ready to move on.

OR: The guy at bat just got made to look foolish on his last swing.

I love watching that guy play. He has so much fun out there!

Translation: I’m proud of you and the decisions you’ve made to get you where you are. You’ve put in the work and I want you to remember to enjoy the fruits of those labors.

OR: That baseball player finds a reason to get his uniform covered in dirt every game and who can’t help but respect that?

There you have it non-attendees, that is what is happening at every game. It’s a simple case of emotions expressed via fairly obvious observational statements. Knowing this, you can now realize that ESPN is the most emotional place on Earth, because it is the capitol of stating the obvious.

Also worth noting, the baseball-loving, emotionally tight-lipped friends in your life will become a little more emotionally distant these next few months after the World Series ends … So take the opportunity to talk about emotions with those people during game 6 (and possibly 7).

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