The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘emotion’

Baseball and Men’s Emotional Depth

“What do you guys talk about for three hours anyway? Plus the drive there and back!”
– My Mom

Ok people of the world who know a son/father or sons/father or gaggle of fellas who attend baseball games and you (the non-attendee) wish to know just what it is that they talk about during the game … Here’s the scoop!

To be honest we don’t talk much. But, like a poet or Ernest Hemingway, what we say is fraught with meaning. At any given time in the summer and early fall, in baseball stadiums across America (and a few places in Canada) the air is thick with symbolism and statements that are seemingly plain but are actually metaphors for life.

That guy is throwing nothing but strikes.

Translation: Right now life is treating me right – I’m putting in the hard work and things are finally paying off. Frankly, I’m feeling like pretty hot stuff these days.

OR: The pitcher is throwing a lot of strikes.

He really whiffed on that one.

Translation: Whatever your current big ticket item in your life is (job, girlfriend, some recent big decision) – the person saying this line urges you to reconsider. If you think that it is best, he will support you, his feelings have been made clear and he’s ready to move on.

OR: The guy at bat just got made to look foolish on his last swing.

I love watching that guy play. He has so much fun out there!

Translation: I’m proud of you and the decisions you’ve made to get you where you are. You’ve put in the work and I want you to remember to enjoy the fruits of those labors.

OR: That baseball player finds a reason to get his uniform covered in dirt every game and who can’t help but respect that?


There you have it non-attendees, that is what is happening at every game. It’s a simple case of emotions expressed via fairly obvious observational statements. Knowing this, you can now realize that ESPN is the most emotional place on Earth, because it is the capitol of stating the obvious.

Also worth noting, the baseball-loving, emotionally tight-lipped friends in your life will become a little more emotionally distant these next few months after the World Series ends … So take the opportunity to talk about emotions with those people during game 6 (and possibly 7).

WELCOME HOME! … From Your Dog’s Perspective

Recently I was thinking about the range of emotions a dog must experience as soon as it’s mom/dad/master/owner (whatever category of dog owner you consider yourself) gets home. It must be pretty crazy.

Think about it, imagine if your BEST FRIEND in the WHOLE WORLD for some GOD FORSAKEN REASON locked you in a small apartment with no bathroom and then left for eight plus hours most days of the week … Can you imagine how excited you’d be when he/she got home? You’d be stir-crazy, a little loopy from being alone all day with no one to talk to, and … you would have to use the bathroom in ways that would make communicating your need almost impossible.

It’s pretty incredible dogs have pure love for their food-providers/captors/best friends/bathroom-withholding tormenters.

Here we go, the breakdown of a dog’s emotions:

  1. 100% excitement at seeing you, so much excitement that their body cannot be in one place at one time, it needs to be everywhere at all times
  2. 100% excitement knowing that dinner is coming up
  3. 100% excitement that they will get to go outside to clear up some space for dinner … (hey, it’s true)
  4. 100% excitement that they can finally stop sitting around being bored and finally doing something awesome like sit around beside you while you watch TV – HELL YEAH ADVENTURE!
  5. 100% excitement that they can tell you about this dream they had … wait … the dog is having trouble expressing him/herself … allow the pooch to just run in small circles in front of you to convey the deep psychological meanings of the dream

Appreciate dogs, folks. Because if you left me home alone like that I would be giving you a silent treatment, sulking in one corner (what’s in the other corner?) … and there’s no way I could’ve held it. Get the Spot treatment out.

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