The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Create a 14 step scavenger hunt where the key to the 7th clue is cloves. This will create the desired “hint of cloves.” Note: Some say it doesn’t matter if you complete the whole scavenger hunt, but let me put it this way: Tyler Perry always completes the scavenger hunt.

Kill a lobster, preferably from Maine in the late May timeframe, chop off one of its claws and use that to get a “pinch of salt.”

Read the telecast of a President Barack Obama speech and white out parts that confuse you, or that you disagree with. Consider if what you are doing is foolish, weird, or racist, while crushing garlic. Sit down and enjoy your undertones of racist garlic adorning your hot dog, or whatever.

Go to a party and find the conversation where the sharpest dressed person is talking to someone your mother would frown upon. These are the two smartest people at the party and they are either having an intelligent conversation about government-funded scientific endeavors or the game Mouse Trap. Gradually change the conversation to Val Kilmer and reference the movie Top Gun. As smart as these two brainiacs are, they will know this is a subtle nod to oregano. Flee the party, your meal can now be served.

Turn the lights low in your kitchen, put on some heavily underrated Yani music and seductively whisper the word cinnamon to your food to obtain the too often neglected “whisper of cinnamon.”

Call your friend Doug who plays bass in a really bad band that somehow gets gigs. Ask him if he knows any “smooth musicians” (also acceptable: magicians). Doug will get back to you eventually and inevitably end up knowing someone who goes by the nickname ‘basil” (if it’s a white male, he plays the bass, if it’s a female or minority he or she plays the flute). Listen to some of “basil’s” music while … Oh wait the recipe calls for a note of basil? I’m pretty sure that’s made up.

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