The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Experts of Small Talk

As a fan of two teams who are no strangers to getting beat (SMU and Army), I have come to know the time-killing small talk of football commentators quite well.

In a good game, the play-by-play and color commentary people will talk about the plays that are happening, momentum in the game, how the crowd is loving the game, the excitement of the competition, etc.

In a poorly played game that is close, they talk about the poor execution, the coaches, if one of the people commenting on the game used to play football he will talk about times he messed up, how important focus is, etc.

No matter what type of game it is the announcers will tell cheesy little human interest piece stories about players. The difference between a good game and a not good game is the length of these human interest pieces.

Top Five Signs You’re Watching a Blowout

5. Statistics are shown for the sole purpose of highlighting the depths of the inept play of the losing team (SMU’s offense this year for 500, Alex).

4. You learn not just about the players, but also about their siblings and even their pets.

3. The announcers become tourist ambassadors for the town – talking about the zoo or the skyline. Not just mentioning it, but actually talking about it.

2. The announcers end up talking more about athletes from other teams or games than the athletes in the game you are watching.

1. A 30-second commercial for a fast food place seems to have character development, emotional depth, and is more fascinating than the game by far.

***

This post has been brought to you by the SMU v Texas A&M game on ABC. Source for table below.

SMU Offense (after 2 games)

Scoring offense

6 points

125th in FBS

Rushing offense

-7 YPG

125th in FBS

Passing offense

178.5 YPG

105th in FBS

Total offense

171.5 YPG

125th in FBS

First downs

24

125th in FBS

Sacks allowed

13

125th in FBS

Turnover +/-

-3 (5 turnovers, 2 takeaways

125th in FBS

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