The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘football’

Do You Need New Dishes?

Coming up soon is the Superbowl, a football game played between the winner of the AFC playoff bracket and the NFC playoff bracket. It’s a big deal to some.

Here’s where that comes in handy for you, my dish-needing friend.

Invite a bunch of people over for the Superbowl, but maybe limit the guest list to friends you have who you think have good taste. Tell everyone you’ll provide the drinks and some entree type items, but everyone needs to bring a bowl with a dip and whatever food goes in the dip. Easy, fun, delightful. Win, win, win.

Everyone comes over, the game’s on, then it’s halftime and everyone has to pay attention to that, and then … the game comes back on. Everyone is engaged but it’s a bit of a lull as far as focus is concerned. Everyone has done their catching up, the game has been on a bit, no one is THAT focused on anything and here’s when you strike.

“Hey guys, if we had a super … BOWL party here … like, picking the best bowl, not the food in it but like the dish itself … who would win?”

Now, most people in the room are going to look at you like you’re an idiot or just plain old annoying. But two, three, or maybe even four people are going to say, ‘hmm’ and really look at those bowls.

You should go shop for your new dishes with one of those people.

ceramic bowl with cereals

Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

Note to Self: Be Rational

I’m writing this the day after the Army-Navy game, which is the game that causes me the most tension every year (maybe if one of my NFL teams made it to the Super Bowl I might feel the same … but I doubt it).

My dad went to West Point, so Army-Navy has been a feature of my life, and while Army is now on a 3 game win streak (WHOOO!) Navy had ripped off 14 in a row, winning from 2002 – 2015. That’s a fair chunk of time, and so, so many of those were absolute heartbreakers (as is the case for Navy now). It seems no matter how good one team does in the season, the other team will be right there with them for this game.

On the morning of the Army-Navy game I took a shower and while I was in the shower I began thinking about what I should wear that day. Should I wear my Army shirt? Wait. Did I wear it last year? What did I wear last year? Should I repeat that outfit?

I kept having to repeat myself that my actions have no bearing on the game. Seriously. It’s ridiculous.

But, perhaps not dressing a particular way for the game is what helped Army win so …

P.S. The obligatory and happily said – GO ARMY! BEAT NAVY!

repeat

How are the Russians Welcoming World Cup Participants?

Russia is hosting this World Cup and is welcoming players with the warmth, kindness, and open arms we have all come to expect from Russia. Rumor has it Vlad Putin himself personally visited each Saudi Arabian player’s room before the first match. This reporter has uncovered a few of the friendly welcome notes Vlad HIMSELF wrote!

‘No one will remember you when you turn up dead, with a prostitute draped over your lifeless body. Good luck at the match.’

‘I have never seen a bear eat Saudi children, like yours, ages 7 and 12. I wonder what it would look like. Good luck at the match.’

‘It’s only a game. Life, that is. Yours, in particular. I like playing games. Good luck at the match.’

I think we can all agree that Russia has once again gone out of its way to prove that it truly is the best country to host the World Cup!

***

Rumor has it that before Russia’s second match, against Egypt, Vlad himself has organized for a trained bear to come and do tricks for the Egyptian team! The Egyptian ambassador had raised a protest until he was unfortunately taken ill, and he has not been heard of since being admitted to a hospital. We can hope for a speedy recovery, or else he’ll miss the bear’s tricks!

This reporter is excited about the bear, who is rumored to be able to do the following:

  • Juggle
  • Kick a soccer ball into a net
  • Carry a syringe with a nearly untraceable numbing agent that can last up to 24 hours
  • Hoola hoop
  • Maim on command
  • Pretend to read a newspaper while sitting on a mock toilet

The Egyptian team must be looking forward to this wonderful show from the world’s greatest country!

***

Uruguay will finish Russia’s Group Stage play, and the Uruguayans are heavily favored. Vlad, known for his sense of humor, light touch, charisma, and all around nice-guy persona, joked that he may have to have the entire team killed to let Russia win.

Doubled over with laughter, the jokester continued, saying perhaps he would even have the team’s family members killed too.

Hysterical!

This reporter here needs help. Please send help. I want to go home.

But that’s not all, Vlad ‘tickles with words’ Putin then threatened everyone in the room with such funny jokes that we’re all held captive, in a sense, to his humor, and also in this very small room.

***

Good luck, World Cup competitors!

2018 FIFA World Cup.svg
By Source, Fair use, Link

 

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