DumbFunnery

Did you know I’m doing a haiku a day this year? You didn’t? Are you, like, not even paying attention to me? That … No, it’s fine. We can talk later.

Oh, hi reader, sorry about that. I have a Twitter account, just like the president of the United States! And, just like the president, sometimes I tweet nonsense, sometimes I tweet complaining about people.

Here are my January haiku tweets. (And here is my Twitter account.)

January 1
Wife’s cold is awful
Ah that classic tourist spot:
A Czech hospital

January 2
Sick wife, three BIG bags
Please train ride be nice and calm …
Oh, hello bomb threat

January 3
Flying friendly skies
Really, it’s Air Canada
AHHH! They’re speaking FRENCH!

January 4
Back to work today
Hey! I feel ok! … Uh oh,
Jet lag sneak attack

January 5
Wife’s cough is a beast
World tour of docs continues
Drugs, work your magic!

January 6
Thank God it’s Friday
Weekend of football and sleep
Which sounds heavenly

January 7
My wife and I share
Snacks, blankets, feelings and colds
We’re adorbs that way

January 8 (they played the Pats)
The Texans advanced!
Who do they get to play next!
…Oh. Well. Good season.

January 9
MONDAY!? And still sick!?
Looks like a day for me-light
Like me, but less so

January 10
Clemson v Bama!
What a game! … I read today.
(Bedtime called early.)

January 11
I’m done with this task!
But wait, what if I tried this …
Three Days Later: aghhhhhhhh!

January 12
A day without news
If I don’t look, he’s not there
This sand is so warm

January 13
“Hmm, should I cancel?”
“Um, sir? May I transfer you?”
Comcast round 2: start …

January 14
Postcard writing fest
At a little coffee shop
For @theellenshow

January 15
Wife brought the dog home
A great kennel (her folks house)
Bit far though (Houston)

January 16
Ranger assistant
Phone interview yesterday
*Pushes glasses up*

January 17
It’s Planned Parenthood
Not called unPlanned Parenthood
You bunch of jackals

January 18
Went jogging last night
First jog in forty-five days
Oh, hi pain, missed you

January 19
Garmin watch ordered!
Because data is my friend
And I love running

January 20
Shout, scream, vent and groan
Then exhale all the anger
And bring calm kindness

January 21
Toastmasters event
Morning with speech loving geeks
Yeah that’s right, I’m cool

January 22 (a lame playoffs day)
Griping about news
But hopeful for good football
… Is this Trump’s fault too?

January 23
I expect to see
U.S. declares war on Mars
With each news update

January 24
It’s two years today
Since waxing poetic vows
With dear friends and fam

January 25
Two day training done
My brain is full and I’m now
Much more corporate

January 26
SNARK IN THE WATER!
Having dinner with a pal
When the snark arrived

January 27
Made a joke today
Where I referenced shutter speed
Nerd status maintained

January 28
Ramping up my jogs
But today I have a prize:
Huge cinnamon roll!

January 29
Wife and mom agree:
Politics driving me mad
But … Trump! … It’s just … TRUMP

January 30
Dear America,
<Sound like a goat being maimed>
So, that’s how I feel …

January 31
Working on scale tests
Little change here, small tweak there
And then wait … and wait …