The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘haiku’

November Haiku

November 1 (Wednesday)
‘Go ahead, make my …’
Would be a good restaurant.
Or not. Whatever.

November 2 (Thursday)
(Laughter subsiding)
Well sure! Cannibalism!
(Laughter picks back up)

November 3 (Friday)
Wake up. Status check.
Not exhausted! Fantastic!
Look out, here I come!

November 4 (Saturday)
Army – Air Force game
Don’t need to watch the scoreboard
Dad’s whoops tell it all

November 5 (Sunday)
Smile from kiddo
Rare, magical, and like drugs
I NEED MY NEXT FIX

November 6 (Monday)
Same problem for days
Did code fix itself this weekend?
Gah, that’d be scary.

November 7 (Tuesday)
Trumpy’s in Gina
He’s likely hoping to meet
THE General Tso

November 8 (Wednesday)
Twitter allows more
What do they want from me, huh?
Ten daily haiku?!

November 9 (Thursday)
Cooler weathers here
Makes for unpleasant jogging
But beautiful views

November 10 (Friday)
Catch up on the news.
Look at how long til work ends.
Big sigh. And repeat.

November 11 (Saturday)
Saw a swearing in
Heart heavy for future vets
With our simple pres

November 12 (Sunday)
Wife’s folks visiting
Because you need four people
To ‘awwww’ over poops

November 13 (Monday)
“What big teeth you have!”
“They’re dentures … You little brat …”
Little Red: Prequel

November 14 (Tuesday)
Year ago today:
‘Hope he’s not dumb as I think.’
Today: he’s dumber

November 15 (Wednesday)
‘Death by tickle fight’
If that was a news headline
World peaked? Or new low?

November 16 (Thursday)
Just think, future self
Years from now I’ll threaten son,
“Santa’s watching you!”

November 17 (Friday)
I’m shocked. SHOCKED I say!
Nation with ‘pussy grab’ pres
… Has sex pred problem?

November 18 (Saturday)
Classic burbs dad day
Chipotle, Target, Costco
Boundless adventure

November 19 (Sunday)
Finally caught up
With Game of Thrones … Anyone
Feel like discussing?

November 20 (Monday)
In 5 day work weeks
People work 5 days. 3 day weeks?
4 hours of work?

November 21 (Tuesday)
Long duration test
Failed after running for days
Big sigh. Try again.

November 22 (Wednesday)
“Sing-ularity”
A musical version of
The Terminator

November 23 (Thursday)
Happy Thanksgiving!
May you eat til you hate life!
Wait … That sounds … Not nice

November 24 (Friday)
Step 1: Fry turkey.
Step 2: Don’t burn down the house.
Step 3: Say ‘phew,’ eat.

November 25 (Saturday)
Folks watch the kiddo
While I go back up to bed
It’s the little things

November 26 (Sunday)
Some Christmas gifts done
Those that are toughest still blank
That seems about right

November 27 (Monday)
Hung up lights with pops
House looks great! … But already
Dreading taking down

November 28 (Tuesday)
Folks headed back home
And I’m back at work today
Day status: womp womp

November 29 (Wednesday)
Wrote work goals for year
‘Stay employed’ not on the list
But kinda implied

November 30 (Thursday)
How’s it possible
That short weeks always feel long?
Seriously. How?

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October Haiku

October 1 (Sunday)
Flag. Definition:
Object. Represents nation.
Flag equals troops? NOPE.

October 2 (Monday)
New scars for U.S.
Do we pause, and examine?
Pres: too soon to think

October 3 (Tuesday)
Listen, when I hunt,
I need to kill 40 deer
In 5 seconds, K?

October 4 (Wednesday)
What a baseball game
Happy for the Diamondbacks
Happy for baseball

October 5 (Thursday)
Work status this week
Brain? Semi-check. Coffee? Check.
Staring dumbly? Check.

October 6 (Friday)
Sorry to the songs
I butcher, and change words
For diaper changes

October 7 (Saturday)
Woken up from nap
For a Home Depot errand
Hi, I’m clichè dad

October 8 (Sunday)
The flies where I live
Are awful this time of year
I need you Mickey!!

October 9 (Monday)
Oh, hi there Monday
You beautiful old hussy
Wait, what? What’s that mean?

October 10 (Tuesday)
Prepped for flu season
Flu shot? Nah. I watch people
And lick the sick ones

October 11 (Wednesday)
Cuddle time with son
Deep sleep. Ten second cry. Sleep.
Boy: you confuse me

October 12 (Thursday)
Does the Navy test
Each sailors sassy levels?
If not, they oughta

October 13 (Friday)
Son was due today
He’ll be chronically early
Based on his birth date

October 14 (Saturday)
Jose Altuve
Whose strike zone is the size of
A watermelon

October 15 (Sunday)
Dance walking the house
Is my watch tracking these steps?
If not, that is harsh

October 16 (Monday)
Tip for making friends:
Drop ice when you leave a room
Then folks know you’re cool

October 17 (Tuesday)
Life goal eighty-six:
Work with group, all named Bambi
Start emails: ‘Deer Team’

October 18 (Wednesday)
Nicknames for the kid:
Little chunk, bun bun, monster
Will he learn his name?

October 19 (Thursday)
My brother’s birthday
He’s 40! Nuts! And, oddly,
That makes me feel old

October 20 (Friday)
My wife’s grandparents
In town to see the kiddo
Oh, and us, I guess

October 21 (Saturday)
Watching Astros plus
Cuddling with the baby:
Happy grandparents

October 22 (Sunday)
Waking from a nap
As though I was tranquilized
How very restful?

October 23 (Monday)
One day I’ll look back
And think: what happened this day?
And I’ll draw a blank

October 24 (Tuesday)
Will I reach an age
Where I don’t need to stroll through
A store’s toy aisle

October 25 (Wednesday)
In case you forgot
Donald Trump is still garbage
Making US worse

October 26 (Thursday)
“Bottom of the …” *boop*
“Bases are …” *boop* oh hi!! *boop*
(Baseball with the kid)

October 27 (Friday)
Had some friends over
Made vegetarian food
aka a snack

October 28 (Saturday)
Weekend! My old friend!
Oh, hey kiddo, what do you need?
Ah, constant movement.

October 29 (Sunday)
Went to a friend’s ranch
Made friends with some buffalo
It was a good day

October 30 (Monday)
Manafort’s defense:
“You said ‘illegal?’ I thought
“You said ‘ill legal!'”

October 31 (Tuesday)
Kid’s first Halloween
I dressed as a slutty dad
Wore sexy spit-up

September Haiku

September 1 (Friday)
Wife’s discharge delayed
She spiked a fever, which means
The party goes on

September 2 (Saturday)
Heading home today!
But leaving without our guy
Leads to some shed tears

September 3 (Sunday)
Wife’s folks leave today
Time to find our new normal
(Trying not to drown)

September 4 (Monday)
Labor Day today
My bad joke loving self hoped
He was born today

September 5 (Tuesday)
Drive wife to NICU
Go to work, drive wife back home,
Go to NICU, sleep

September 6 (Wednesday)
4 pm coffee?
Don’t mind if I do! Wait … Wait …
IT’S 9 AM?!?! … Uggggghhhhh

September 7 (Thursday)
Wife’s breathing is off
Call doc: ‘you need the ER’
Long stay but all’s well

September 8 (Friday)
Sleeping at NICU
Machine noises, baby sounds
And chatty nurses

September 9 (Saturday)
Some sleep here each night
How. How? How how how? … Hu … How?
My brain is broken

September 10 (Sunday)
Making some pals here
Who knew: NICU parents lounge
Where the cool kids are

September 11 (Monday)
Wife’s driving again!
This gives me more time each day
Which means more cuddles

September 12 (Tuesday)
NICU sleep plan changed
Leave to head home feeling bad
Exhaustion or guilt?

September 13 (Wednesday)
Mom and sis flew in!
So you guys want dinner, or …
First stop, duh, meet him

September 14 (Thursday)
Boss and boss’s boss
Both being real supportive
Tears, stay in your ducts!

September 15 (Friday)
Stayed up late tonight
Chatting with my mom and sis
A breath of fresh air

September 16 (Saturday)
Awful night for me
Feeding him alarms sound
His heart rate dropped LOW

September 17 (Sunday)
Doc says we *can* leave
But I can’t leave this afraid
I’m scared to feed him

September 18 (Monday)
Huge sigh of relief!
Night with the kiddo went well!!
We’re taking him home!!!

September 19 (Tuesday)
First doctor’s visit!
(Not counting three weeks of rounds)
(And some specialists)

September 20 (Wednesday)
Paternity leave
During the day – all is great
At night – hellish fear

September 21 (Thursday)
Went to new friends house!
Some fellow NICU parents
Commiserate and laugh

September 22 (Friday)
Jekyll and Hyde deal
By day – a little angel
By night – a hell spawn

September 23 (Saturday)
Before: kid pics dull,
Why send so many pictures?
Now: I understand

September 24 (Sunday)
Football, nap, repeat?
Football, baby, nap, repeat.
Big routine changes

September 25 (Monday)
The house is all love
Cooing over the baby
And chats ’bout his poop

September 26 (Tuesday)
Sleep deprivation,
And being away from work:
Time has no meaning

September 27 (Wednesday)
Doctor’s appointment
Losing weight in the worst way
Via his foreskin

September 28 (Thursday)
Holy crap – fall’s here!
Went out for a walk and saw
Leaves have changed colors

September 29 (Friday)
Strolling through Target
Should I buy LEGOs for him?
Him! Not me! … I swear?

September 30 (Saturday)
When your teams aren’t good
Cherish 2 and 0 days
Go Army and Stangs!

August Haiku

August 1 (Tuesday)
(To the cotton song)
The touch … The feeeeel … Of naptime
Daydream of my souuul

August 2 (Wednesday)
Baby class tonight
Make friends? Embarrass my wife?
Go for gold with both??

August 3 (Thursday)
I’m glued to this app?
Dude, no way! I’m gonna save …
Then I’ll state my case …

August 4 (Friday)
Junk food for dinner?
No, come on, be realistic
Junk food AND ice cream

August 5 (Saturday)
Wife is out of town …
Time to go a bit nuts and
Clean up the basement!!!

August 6 (Sunday)
Grey skies and sprinkles
I need coffee, a window
And I’m good to go

August 7 (Monday)
New dentist today
Sadly, he’s not named Crentist
But I think he’ll do

August 8 (Tuesday)
I’ll say this to you –
My opponent’s a good man,
And a great snuggler

August 9 (Wednesday)
Last year: no snakes seen
This year: three spotted so far
Guys … I think I’m doomed

August 10 (Thursday)
Serious question:
Santa. This very moment.
He eating Ramen?

August 11 (Friday)
Tested code I wrote
Friday afternoon. Test fails.
Monday self: good luck.

August 12 (Saturday)
Nazi flags displayed
Not just sans shame, but with pride
What U.S. is this?

August 13 (Sunday)
Busy week ahead
This calls for … Naptivity!
(Actively napping)

August 14 (Monday)
Just chips for dinner?
No, be real, I’m an adult
Also having dip

August 15 (Tuesday)
Skipping a concert
Embracing lazy! Bonus:
Sold tix, got back cash!

August 16 (Wednesday)
Cleaning the house up
Do I find it dirty? No.
Wife vetoes my vote.

August 17 (Thursday)
My wife’s water broke
Fine, good, great … But a bit soon.
She’s 32 weeks

August 18 (Friday)
Ambulance transfer?
OB ICU? Check. Check.
SIMMER DOWN, BABY!

August 19 (Saturday)
Two steroid shots down
(They speed up baby’s lung growth)
Hoping and waiting

August 20 (Sunday)
Moving rooms today!
Want to hit thirty-four weeks
Each day cooking helps

August 21 (Monday)
My wife and bed rest
How will she survive two weeks
Of doing nothing?

August 22 (Tuesday)
Wife’s mom takes day shift
I work, then take the night shift
Wife yells ‘HOLD!’ at womb

August 23 (Wednesday)
Assumed dull bed rest
Instead every day is unique
Not in a good way

August 24 (Thursday)
Wife woke up and puked
Intense dizziness from drugs
The party don’t stop!!

August 25 (Friday)
Baby’s heartbeats off
Wife moves rooms for constant watch
…Child, stop it! … Please?

August 26 (Saturday)
Wife feels better now!!!
… But contractions have started
… And she’s in labor …

August 27 (Sunday)
Whoa – I’m a father!
Ahh! Put my wife’s guys back please!
(C-sections are nuts)

August 28 (Monday)
Holding my son is …
Love bolstering? Full of joy?
No. Terrifying.

August 29 (Tuesday)
Lots of tiny tools:
The small blood pressure leg band
Is my favorite

August 30 (Wednesday)
Back to work today
Saving paternity leave
For when he comes home

August 31 (Thursday)
Wife’s still healing up
Bed rest, the drugs, surgery
They took a big toll

July Haiku

July 1 (Saturday)
Cabin full of fam:
Eight bigs, seven kids, two dogs
Time since last pout: 1.

July 2 (Sunday)
Baby shower day!
With baby obstacle course
…I’ve got work to do

July 3 (Monday)
Item checked off list:
Infield home run … Off a bunt!
Whiffle ball stud, here.

July 4 (Tuesday)
Annnnnnd back on the road
It’s the lady’s turn to drive
The dog and I chill

July 5 (Wednesday)
Want to prevent war?
Watch enemies eat yogurt
It’s so disarming

July 6 (Thursday)
Clicked on an email
The sales pitch excited me
…it was for children

July 7 (Friday)
Wearing purple shorts
It’s cool … Til I’m in a stall
“There’s purple shorts guy”

July 8 (Saturday)
Neighborhood party
Summary: Neighbors are nuts
I’ll keep researching

July 9 (Sunday)
The weekend zoomed by
XBOX One must be lonely
Sorry old buddy

July 10 (Monday)
Shall I compare thee …
To a Phoenix Summer’s day?
Soul crushingly hot?

July 11 (Tuesday)
Reading baby book
Apparently, breast milk is
Made out of magic?

July 12 (Wednesday)
Staying late at work
Code won’t write itself you know
… Not yet … Or I’m hosed

July 13 (Thursday)
First stop: candy town
Next stop: seeing The Big Sick
Wife and I: thumbs up

July 14 (Friday)
Long, stressful work week
But in the end, a success
Weekend brain: ENGAGE

July 15 (Saturday)
Long hike this morning
Beautiful views, and, get this …
I saw a MARMOT!

July 16 (Sunday)
The great Sunday fight
Desire to be lazy
vs. wanting doughnuts

July 17 (Monday)
Bought Stardew Valley
XBOX graphics takes naps, and
I happily play

July 18 (Tuesday)
The yard needs mowing
*A wild raindrop appears!*
Weather? You’re allllllll right.

July 19 (Wednesday)
One month of code pain
Finally done with this piece
Sigh of relief … Check.

July 20 (Thursday)
Oh, hi healthy lunch
What’s that? You want alone time?
I’ll get junk food then!

July 21 (Friday)
Phone shopping online
WHAT!? PHONE’S COST HOW MUCH MONEY?
…My iPhone 4’s cool?

July 22 (Saturday)
Hike to start the day
No one for miles around
That’s prime selfie time

July 23 (Sunday)
Sipping coffee and
Reading about breastfeeding
Typical Sunday

July 24 (Monday)
Costco shopping list:
Milk, chicken, and a cell phone
Just Costco things, right?

July 25 (Tuesday)
McCain fights cancer!
Also fights average person’s
Chance to fight cancer!

July 26 (Wednesday)
First ‘parenting’ test
Something scary, out of hands
I just sit and hope

July 27 (Thursday)
Appointment with wife
All the concern was for naught
Heart, unclench now, please

July 28 (Friday)
Fun pregnancy game:
She feels: ALL FEELINGS. I feel:
Confusion and fear

July 29 (Saturday)
Our little friends prepped
Next phase of baby room is:
Hot air balloon pals!

July 30 (Sunday)
Sleep in? Well, ok.
Accomplish practically zilch?
Sure, I can do that.

July 31 (Monday)
Oh, just freaking great
Time to toss my home-made tee
‘Mooch made in Heaven’

June Haiku

June 1 (Thursday)
Dog to the kennel
Her sad eyes as I depart
“YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME”

June 2 (Friday)
Wedding rehearsal
Fellas cracking wise while … what?
Missed an instruction

June 3 (Saturday)
Standing by my friend
Looking at people in love
Is one of life’s gifts

June 4 (Sunday)
Early flight today
My ‘poke the bear’ gene’s still sleep-
Wait, it’s awake now!!

June 5 (Monday)
Work self-assessment:
Or as I like to call it
Bragging with a cause

June 6 (Tuesday)
You’d think she’d been drugged
But no, this is just Jody
Being her best self

June 7 (Wednesday)
Bad bug found in code
Too wrapped up to glance at news
A glorious day

June 8 (Thursday)
Beautiful sunset
Makes you want to stop and just
Try to breathe it in

June 9 (Friday)
DJ Random Soundz
He’s a character I do
To annoy my wife

June 10 (Saturday)
One “day” I will read
“What” trump thinks using “quotes” means
He’s so dumb it hurts.

June 11 (Sunday)
Saw Wonder Woman
Overly hyped DC flick …
And yet – it was good!

June 12 (Monday)
What’s next for bball?
Three teams with just top players?
Plus tons of bad games!

June 13 (Tuesday)
Quick stress level test:
Do you laugh or get angry
At news anchors jokes?

June 14 (Wednesday)
In soccer, like life
Sometimes, step back to move up
Also, flailing’s cool

June 15 (Thursday)
Folks brought stuff from home:
Old shirts, PS games, yearbooks …
Ya know, basement stuff

June 16 (Friday)
Breakfast and brew tour
Then, naturally, a nap
Post nap: Rockies game

June 17 (Saturday)
Estes Park today
National park and some shops
Plus a gift from mom!

June 18 (Sunday)
Cruising around town
After a delicious lunch
I’m a good chauffeur

June 19 (Monday)
Work has been more tense
Lots of layoffs happening
It’s dark clouds and nerves

June 20 (Tuesday)
Candy for dinner?
No, no, no, I’m a grown up
Candy and some fruit

June 21 (Wednesday)
In a training class
Some folks are multitasking
i.e. not learning

June 22 (Thursday)
Snivvledeblibbets?
Shargrundlebinwozplopums?
(Phoning in this one.)

June 23 (Friday)
‘Well, does he sport though?’
‘He sports great, but he doesn’t TEAM.’
Sports talk show cheat sheet.

June 24 (Saturday)
I’m no artist, but …
Good enough for a baby
(They’re blind at birth, right?)

June 25 (Sunday)
Trip to Home Depot
Paint, relax, paint some more, then …
Trip to Home Depot

June 26 (Monday)
You know what’s easy?
Like, I could do it all day?
Not exercising

June 27 (Tuesday)
Stumbling through some code
Attempting to grok React
Annnnnnd time to google

June 28 (Wednesday)
Thai food with buddies
I guess you could say we’re a …
Thai-t knit group …? Ha. Ha?

June 29 (Thursday)
I figured it out!!
Wait … What’s that mean? And … Uh … Shoot.
Square one, my old friend

June 30 (Friday)
Driving through desert
Always makes me want to play
Red Dead Redemption

May Haiku

May 1 (Monday)
Yes, April showers.
May baths. June apply perfume.
Odorous August.

May 2 (Tuesday)
Online training class
Instructor’s persistent pep
Greeted with smileys

May 3 (Wednesday)
First trail jog since trip
Good news: ankle feels ok!
Bad news: trails still tough.

May 4 (Thursday)
Upcoming weekend:
Eating and drinking too much
(Pal’s bachelor trip)

May 5 (Friday)
Airport employees
Proving that life can go on
With soul sucking looks

May 6 (Saturday)
A day of drinking
Eight breweries visited
…I feel disgusting

May 7 (Sunday)
Traveling with bloat:
Tales of a Bachelor Party
Over age thirty

May 8 (Monday)
“Sure, *I’M* the bad guy …
“Wait, I should emphasize *the*!”
Then he kicked a dog

May 9 (Tuesday)
Looking back on life,
The old man wept and yelled out,
“Wish I’d had more tots!!!”

May 10 (Wednesday)
Need to train the dog
To have strategic BMs
To fertilize lawn

May 11 (Thursday)
Quick Q for the pres,
To disguise wetting the bed …
Do you burn down house???

May 12 (Friday)
Past self, you moron.
Tomorrow’s race day trail run?
Twenty-five miles. 😬😢

May 13 (Saturday)
10 mile nice jog
15 miles of sadness
Then sweet, sweet nothing

May 14 (Sunday)
Mother’s Day you fools!
Be sweet! Be nice! Do some chores!
BUT ONLY TODAY.

May 15 (Monday)
Pulled some weeds today
I was all “HYAH!,” “TAKE THAT!”
And they were all like “…”

May 16 (Tuesday)
Twitter, the place for:
Blinding political rage,
And a good chuckle

May 17 (Wednesday)
Saw my race photos
How can I look so slow while
Rocking monster thighs

May 18 (Thursday)
“Hey guys, it’s snowing!”
“Yeah, it’s May, it snows sometimes.”
OK, not fun guy.

May 19 (Friday)
Party at neighbors
Social skills GO! … Start? … Appear?!? …
How’s this work again?

May 20 (Saturday)
Glance at to do list
Then, two hour break watching
Casually Explained

May 21 (Sunday)
Just living the dream:
Playing sports video games
And, watching playoffs

May 22 (Monday)
First jog in some time
Makes me feel like the tin man
All creaking and stiff

May 23 (Tuesday)
With a pregnant wife
You might worry about me
But, it’s cool, I’m fine

May 24 (Wednesday)
French bread pizza night!
With bonus tradition of:
Feeling grossly full

May 25 (Thursday)
Not sure, but I think
Motivation’s a creature
That lives off of sweets

May 26 (Friday)
Ultrasounds are weird
Tech, nonchalant, “here’s a foot”
Me: THE THING HAS FEET?!

May 27 (Saturday)
As my sister said
It’s fun to dress babies like
Tiny old people

May 28 (Sunday)
La vida loca
An old French saying which means
“Chips and dip for lunch”

May 29 (Monday)
Memorial Day
Tears and memories remain
For those who we’ve lost

May 30 (Tuesday)
Moving furniture
I make room while wife makes womb
Eh!? EH!?! I’m sorry.

May 31 (Wednesday)
Quarterly results:
Who would’ve guessed finance calls
Would impact my mood

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