The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘daily haiku’

July 2018 Haiku

July 1 (Sunday)
Wife leaves tomorrow
And taking the kid with her
It’s zany dad time!

July 2 (Monday)
Zany dad day 1:
Post work: mowed lawn, did chores
Awwww hell yea, what up

July 3 (Tuesday)
Zany dad day 2:
Woke up early to swim laps
Schooled by ten year olds

July 4 (Wednesday)
Flying to Houston
“I haven’t seen you in years!”
NO TIME – WHERE’S MY SON!

#itHadBeenAWholeTwoDays

July 5 (Thursday)
Son’s first day at beach
Sat in surf playing with sand
Pasty, happy kid

July 6 (Friday)
Met up with some friends
Who also now have a babe!
Oh how life changes

July 7 (Saturday)
Mother-in-law hosts
Party to show off grandson
He’s game … Til naptime

July 8 (Sunday)
Flying home today
Peek-a-boos well with others
I serve as rock wall

#littleClimber

July 9 (Monday)
It’s morning. Kid on lap.
Spazzy arm movement gets me –
Cornea SCRATCHED

July 10 (Tuesday)
Big day for dad, son
Son gets ear tubes put in (yay!)
Eye doc says ‘still … BAD’

July 11 (Wednesday)
No eye pain today!!!
Sis and her fam are in town …
I’m world’s worst host

July 12 (Thursday)
Back at work today!
Eye covered with hand, shades on
I’m productive? Ish?

July 13 (Friday)
Home away from home
Not work – but the eye doctor’s
Eye getting better!

July 14 (Saturday)
If reading, TV
Bother eyes … What do you do?
Sensible bedtime!

July 15 (Sunday)
Quiet house again
Sister’s visit came and went
In blink of an … eye

#seeWhatDidThere

July 16 (Monday)
Sippy cup progress
Kiddo gets tilting cup up!
(Like chugging frat boy)

July 17 (Tuesday)
Band-aid contact OUT!
This doc lacks first doc’s soft touch
Felt like eye poked out

July 18 (Wednesday)
Latest code release
Keeps revealing new problems
No jokes. Just plain stinks.

July 19 (Thursday)
Hey sports fans, great news!
Now you can sport your sport drink
Tastes ‘eh,’ and sporty!

July 20 (Friday)
New video game
I’d forgotten what a fun
Time suck these can be

July 21 (Saturday)
Hello Saturday
Sunday’s less responsible
(And more fun) brother

July 22 (Sunday)
First jog after break
Come on body, you like this!
… I. Said. YOU. LIKE. THIS.

July 23 (Monday)
A kid named Monday
You think he’d be boring, right?
Nope! She’s a nudist.

July 24 (Tuesday)
Went to the eye doc
He gave me swimming advice!
(Also talked eye stuff)

July 25 (Wednesday)
Finished watching Glow
Keep up the good work, Netflix!
(When’s season 3 out?)

July 26 (Thursday)
Nuclear Pregnancy
Act 1, Scene 1: “Look at you!
“Such joy, you’re glowing!”

July 27 (Friday)
Kid learned to sit down!
(Used to stand up, think ‘oh no!’
Then squawk angrily)

July 28 (Saturday)
Went to restaurant
And ordered food for kiddo!!
(First time doing that)

July 29 (Sunday)
Playing game with son
Sorta hide/chase/peek-a-boo
Makes me so happy

July 30 (Monday)
Why aren’t scientists
Making advanced octopi
That give massages

July 31 (Tuesday)
How bout a crime show
It’s kids who sing, and do crime
And it’s called ‘Crime Bop’

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June 2018 Haiku

June 1 (Friday)
With Trump I have learned
Opposite meditation
Deep breath. SCREAM. Deep breath.

June 2 (Saturday)
The heart soars with love
… As son snacks me in the face
… While shouting nonsense

June 3 (Sunday)
Kid’s first trip to pool!
What fun, huh?! Please? Darling? Fun?
…He was not a fan

June 4 (Monday)
Restaurant idea
‘Everything Tastes Like Chicken’
… Only serve cat food

June 5 (Tuesday)
Invited to lunch
“I’m trying to save money”
Offered coupon … What.

June 6 (Wednesday)
It’s Wednesday, right guys?
More like … When’s this day over!
(I apologize)

June 7 (Thursday)
Kid wants to stand. NOW.
Seems to move in slow motion …
Falls at super speed

June 8 (Friday)
Old men and babies
They walk leading with their guts
And love being nude

June 9 (Saturday)
It’s dad’s time to shine
Cutting last night time feeding
No milk here, buddy

June 10 (Sunday)
Dad handled night time
Mom and kid woke up early
And got doughnuts. Score.

June 11 (Monday)
The kid was cough-y
So now dad needs some coffee!
… Lord I’m so tired

June 12 (Tuesday)
Is Jersey Mike’s good?
Yes. Do they make snails look fast?
Un…Doubt…Ed…Ly…So

June 13 (Wednesday)
You’ve just died. God’s real.
Turns out God LOVES Mountain Dew.
How freaked out are you?

June 14 (Thursday)
I do love cuddles
Even if it’s one am
Which is, frankly, nuts

June 15 (Friday)
Two bad bugs are found
In cliché coding fashion
It’s last day of tests

June 16 (Saturday)
Saw Solo today
Star Wars fans are too whiny
They’re movies. Enjoy.

June 17 (Sunday)
Happy Father’s Day
One whole parent, one tenth the
Expectations. DADS!

June 18 (Monday)
Wore new socks today
They’re polka dot, but instead
Of dots … It’s son’s face

June 19 (Tuesday)
Hi gross leftovers.
Yes you’re bland and kinda gross
But I’m cheap. So there.

June 20 (Wednesday)
It’s not a good thing
When reading the news makes you
Want to cry or scream

June 21 (Thursday)
Pres playing a game
It’s him against common sense
Everyone’s losing

June 22 (Friday)
So, convertibles …
Think first one was a mistake?
“Ohhhhhh shoot … Eh, ship it.”

June 23 (Saturday)
First haircut today
Old man hairs hung over ears
Are no more – bye friends

June 24 (Sunday)
My watch tracks my steps
And tells me trends like, ‘Sundays:
‘Did your legs fall off?’

June 25 (Monday)
Boss’s boss in town
Effort to dress to impress:
Wore my nicest shorts

June 26 (Tuesday)
If World Cup was real
What kind of cup would it be?
Probably sippy

June 27 (Wednesday)
Kiddo wakes early
The alarm clock on my phone
Has felt neglected

June 28 (Thursday)
KID SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT
A RARE AND WONDERFUL TREAT!
… It was pretty nice

June 29 (Friday)
xbox with some pals
“How’s the new – aw frick I died! –
House? All unpacked now?”

June 30 (Saturday)
To do list and I
Have an odd relationship
There’s love and loathing

April 2018 Daily Haiku

April 1 (Sunday)
April Fool’s … Easter
Talk about your low-hanging
Fruits of blaspheming

April 2 (Monday)
It’s cliche Monday
So keep your head in the game
You old so and so

April 3 (Tuesday)
First day of daycare
And dad’s just too tough to cry
(He says shakily)

April 4 (Wednesday)
Home with Mom today!
Catching up on important
Goochie goochie goooos!

April 5 (Thursday)
Day two of daycare
Calm today, I glance around
Yep, my kid’s cutest

April 6 (Friday)
Day for the records
Wife and I took turns yacking
And watching kiddo

April 7 (Saturday)
Ate a banana!
Kiddo is likely thinking
“Mom and dad are … off.”

April 8 (Sunday)
Stomach bug is gone!
Taking it’s place: a sore throat
(Looks to sky): “DAYCAAAAAAARE!”

April 9 (Monday)
If salmon were pals
Could never complain to them
They’d be like, “sounds … tough”

April 10 (Tuesday)
My mutating cold
First sore throat, then stuffed up nose
What next, dear thrill ride?!

April 11 (Wednesday)
With tax day soon here
Really makes you stop and think:
I wish I was rich

April 12 (Thursday)
Kid napped at daycare!
Hooray for not coming home
Utterly wiped out

April 13 (Friday)
Do some work, blow nose
Stifle cough, do some more work
Again! From the top!!

April 14 (Saturday)
Nostril pendulum
Swings from left nostril to right
Oh fickle breathing

April 15 (Sunday)
Sleep strategy talk
We have our new plan all in place!
And … Huh! … He slept great

April 16 (Monday)
Dearly beloved,
We gather to celebrate
Weekends. Gone … too soon.

April 17 (Tuesday)
Occasional stops
To appreciate the love
You have in your life

April 18 (Wednesday)
Tasty soup for lunch
And ‘how do we have nothing!?’
Brand soup for dinner

April 19 (Thursday)
Dear Cough That Won’t Die,
… Please die? Pretty please? … With hate,
My angry body

April 20 (Friday)
Texas friend in town
And Colorado showed off
By snowing tonight

April 21 (Saturday)
Kiddo wants to crawl
Anxiously gets to hands, knees
…promptly frustrated

April 22 (Sunday)
Mom, pal do sushi
Dad and son stay home to hone
Vital squawking skills

April 23 (Monday)
Caught in testing hell
The fix was easy and fast
But the test? Brutal.

April 24 (Tuesday)
“Friday already?!”
(Dangerous delusion games
Let’s watch! And judge him.)

April 25 (Wednesday)
Shows having writing drop
No longer good, just ‘zany’
… That’s the US now

April 26 (Thursday)
Watched Thor: Ragnarok
Can we have a movie of
Just Korg hanging out?

April 27 (Friday)
Wife and kid came by
Joined for walk with my work team
Team cuteness way up

April 28 (Saturday)
Hike with the kiddo!
Look at that bird! Those flowers!
Oh. I see. Nap town.

April 29 (Sunday)
Sick kiddo today
Hate his fever and sad self
Love the cuddles though

April 30 (Monday)
104 fever
Huge fan of having kid’s doc
Ten minutes away

March 2018 Haiku

March 1 (Thursday)
Hour long car ride
Nice to wander aimlessly
While the kiddo naps

March 2 (Friday)
Questions seem simple
Until you work with someone
Who is bad at them

March 3 (Saturday)
“Put on whatever”
I pick a fantastic film
“Action movie?!?” (….Duh.)

March 4 (Sunday)
I remember when
Sundays didn’t make me think
Of politicians

March 5 (Monday)
Skipping work out class
To keep working on my code
Yeah, it’s clear I’m cool

March 6 (Tuesday)
Costco with the kid
Tons to look at, lunch to go
For dad’s long nap drive

March 7 (Wednesday)
Rushed to finish code
Then it didn’t make the build
Great googly moogly

March 8 (Thursday)
Trip to library
Lady: “what a cute baby!”
‘scuse, you meant cutest

March 9 (Friday)
Wife got promoted!
Calls for flowers and ice cream!
(Ice cream’s always key)

March 10 (Saturday)
Early morning jog
I feel like I’m the Tin Man
Without his oil

March 11 (Sunday)
Daylight savings time
First time ever I’m for it
Kid now wakes at 6!

March 12 (Monday)
Last bit of wife’s jog
Head outside with the kiddo
Workout ends with grins

March 13 (Tuesday)
Came up with insult
Tell someone they’re a Tuesday
Means nothing, sounds harsh

March 14 (Wednesday)
Bunch of colleagues canned
Go from sad to my old pal …
Hi gallows humor

March 15 (Thursday)
It’s March Madness time
Which sounds like 20s slang for
Aunt Flo visiting

March 16 (Friday)
Is it just me, or
You, too, call guys named Gary
Gare-Bear? (Not out loud)

March 17 (Saturday)
Wild St. Pat’s day
Bought some clothes that were on sale
… And … That’s about it

March 18 (Sunday)
Vacuuming barefoot
One of life’s simple pleasures
Warn, clean (ish) carpet

March 19 (Monday)
No matter the guest
Arrive, greet the cute baby,
Then, to me, ‘oh, hey’

March 20 (Tuesday)
My mom is in town
To watch the kid, and bring gifts
And I got one, too!

March 21 (Wednesday)
Cheated sleep system
Kid woke at 5, rocked to sleep
Cute, snuggly cheating

March 22 (Thursday)
Coworker comes in
Someone discussing her code
Defense mode – ENGAGE!

March 23 (Friday)
My mom left today
She came, saw, and babysat
Then on to next gig

March 24 (Saturday)
The boy found his feet
Both limber, and frustrated
Review’s in: Tastes gross

March 25 (Sunday)
Kids first tooth coming!
An excited mom declares
Let pokes, prods increase

March 26 (Monday)
Wife’s mom is in town
Is my son also a sun?
With doting planets?

March 27 (Tuesday)
Opting out today
Asked for no updates on kid
Prepping for daycare

March 28 (Wednesday)
Reading Handmaid’s Tale
Nothing better than feeling
Depressed before bed

March 29 (Thursday)
Grandpa flying in
Grandparent’s ‘who gets more laughs’
Competition starts

March 30 (Friday)
Got a new backpack
Bulky and insane looking …
But I’m pumped for hikes!

March 31 (Saturday)
Bye to grandparents
Back to a quiet household
(Well, plus squawking kid)

 

IMG_20180331_134627442

Hello awkward ride. Hopefully this weekend I’ll take it for a real test drive.

February Haiku

February 1 (Thursday)
I have a knack for
Searching out complex fixes
Confusing myself

February 2 (Friday)
Attended a class
As coworker likes to say:
“There went that hour”

February 3 (Saturday)
Guys! Guys guys guys GUYS!
I found a new pair of jeans!
Sad. But I am jazzed.

February 4 (Sunday)
For my wife’s birthday
She got a crappy drawing!
(For nail salon trip)

February 5 (Monday)
Wife’s mom coming in
Maternity leave is done
Tears for everyone!

February 6 (Tuesday)
Wife’s first day back – good!
And the kid and grandmother
Had a good day, too!

February 7 (Wednesday)
Fashion show at home
Grandma treated wife and kid
To some sweet new threads

February 8 (Thursday)
Toastmasters event
Open house to get new folks
Embrace speech nerddom

February 9 (Friday)
Time slows to a crawl
Work on Friday afternoon
The bane of my life

February 10 (Saturday)
Snow falling outside
Inside: Harry Potter and
Kid napping on me

February 11 (Sunday)
Would it be so bad
If son can’t sleep sans cuddles?
(Well … at age 10 … yeah)

February 12 (Monday)
My mom is in town
Sadly, not to buy me stuff
But to be yamma!

February 13 (Tuesday)
Yamma’s on duty
Watching kiddo while his folks
Make dolla bills ya’ll

February 14 (Wednesday)
It’s Valentine’s day
When your heart diarrheas
Romance all over

February 15 (Thursday)
Watching Olympics
The pressure they face – unreal
I would be a wreck

February 16 (Friday)
Got home from work to
Hang with my son, wife, and mom
I’m dull, and life’s grand

February 17 (Saturday)
New sleep plan today
I’m prepared for him crying
(And me crying too)

February 18 (Sunday)
Kid sees the pattern
Cries when seeing nap routine
SMART! (and heartbreaking)

February 19 (Monday)
Damen und herren
I ordered German kids books
Slow, steady progress!

February 20 (Tuesday)
Babysitting day!
Kiddo and dad (that’s me!) day
While mom works (sucker)

February 21 (Wednesday)
Happy Valentine’s!
Oh. Oh no no no. You guys.
I’ve made a mistake.

February 22 (Thursday)
Golden age is here
Kid’s happy, sleeps at night and
Is not yet mobile

February 23 (Friday)
Donuts origin:
A way of saying sorry
For boring meetings

February 24 (Saturday)
From a book I read
Pronouns are tough for babies
So it’s Toys “R” Dad

February 25 (Sunday)
Dear Lego careers
I have a job but … you know …
Feel free to call me

February 26 (Monday)
Xerostomia
Sci-fi character? Or a
Word meaning dry mouth?

February 27 (Tuesday)
Day with the kiddo!
Full of mush and affection
And too short cat naps

February 28 (Wednesday)
Worked from home … at night!
I’d be a workaholic
But that sounds awful

 

2017 February Haiku

January 2018 Daily Haiku

January 1 (Monday)
All day in PJs
2018 starts with
Lots of lazinnes

January 2 (Tuesday)
Back to work today
As in my back’s turned to work!
Nah. I’m here. It stinks.

January 3 (Wednesday)
Reading bad sci-fi
Author made himself hero
Who girls can’t resist

January 4 (Thursday)
Slept on my forearm
So numb and asleep that I
Hit myself with it

January 5 (Friday)
Didn’t bring my lunch
New cafeteria food
… Same as the old stuff

January 6 (Saturday)
NFL playoffs
A new chance to hate the Pats
Let me count the ways

January 7 (Sunday)
The commercial trend
With ‘real people’ talking cars
Is dull and painful

January 8 (Monday)
‘Innovation’ sprint
Get to code a fun idea
Embracing nerd-dom

January 9 (Tuesday)
I’m overreaching
At first do this, this, and this
Now? Just this is fine

January 10 (Wednesday)
My night time routine
Humming a song on repeat
Bore my son to sleep

January 11 (Thursday)
New business idea
ShitHoleTourism.com
“Go where Trump isn’t”

January 12 (Friday)
*Draws karate dude*
“Yeah,I guess you could say that …
“I do martial arts”

January 13 (Saturday)
4:30 dinner
Opposite happy hour:
It’s all fams with kids

January 14 (Sunday)
Son woke up crying
I walk up, he sees me, grins
He owns me. And knows.

January 15 (Monday)
It’s MLK Day
Reminder: smart folks, and hope
Can bring good changes

January 16 (Tuesday)
Python class day one
First half: great stuff! Second half:
Brain starting to hurt

January 17 (Wednesday)
Python class day two
Aha! I get that concept!
Next chap.: Brain re-breaks

January 18 (Thursday)
Python class day three
Learned lots. Ready to break stuff!
Hellooooo ugly code!

January 19 (Friday)
When: bout 4am
What: son cried, picked up, *smiles*
Mood: flattered, annoyed

January 20 (Saturday)
Went to a kids store
Found anniversary gift
They even wrapped it

January 21 (Sunday)
Snowstorm hit last night
Friend visiting from Houston
…Wants to shovel? Sweet.

January 22 (Monday)
Demo my ‘fun’ work
Look if you follow THIS path
Works great! … Don’t click that.

January 23 (Tuesday)
Intro to Go class
I’m having flashbacks to C
But I’m less afraid

January 24 (Wednesday)
Anniversary!!
Three years of good with the wife
(And now a kid, too!)

January 25 (Thursday)
Last night kid slept great
Perhaps a gift from God of …
Keeping Folks Guessing

January 26 (Friday)
Burrito bar night
I dedicate this night to
Eating far too much

January 27 (Saturday)
Put the kid to bed
Watch Arrested D with wife
Hanging out sans kid!!

January 28 (Sunday)
Let’s go for a walk!
(Sun disappears, wind comes out)
Why are we outside?

January 29 (Monday)
Dear bands of the world
Can I create your next vid?
For real. I’d love that.

January 30 (Tuesday)
“Just pick the UI
“Write code. Change it if needed.”
*Throwaway code starts*

January 31 (Wednesday)
Should all companies
Force a monthly dance party?
I foresee no qualms

December Haiku

December 1 (Friday)
What is happiness?
The kiddo sleeping on me
With little sleep sounds

December 2 (Saturday)
Went shopping today
The dog stayed home and practiced
Her best forlorn look

December 3 (Sunday)
Vid of kid sneezing
And … is that MY voice? Gushing?
WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!?

December 4 (Monday)
Hi ho! Hi ho! It’s
(Dramatic audible sigh)
Back to work I go

December 5 (Tuesday)
Winter has arrived
As evidenced by my hands
Dry, cracked, scaly hands

December 6 (Wednesday)
If Quasimodo,
Camels fought for ‘hump day’ rights
Who would win the fight?

December 7 (Thursday)
Got sis from airport
Quick bathroom stop at Dunkin’
Hellooooo donut holes

December 8 (Friday)
Vacation day, fools!
Brewery tour with the sis
Yes please, free samples

December 9 (Saturday)
Take out Thai food plus
Bad Netflix Christmas movie
Equals a good night

December 10 (Sunday)
Aw, happy baby!
AH! Upset screaming baby!!
… My circle of life

December 11 (Monday)
My moment of Zen
Is picturing the kiddo’s
Big, goofy smile

December 12 (Tuesday)
Christmas shopping done!
But for buying myself junk
It’s open season

December 13 (Wednesday)
People have spoken!
Thank God ‘Bama has black folks
White ‘Bamans … The hell?

December 14 (Thursday)
The internet’s free
To be broken for profit
Thank you FCC

December 15 (Friday)
Kid can’t do dairy
So the wife cut out dairy
No milk … For good milk

December 16 (Saturday)
Hosted a small brunch
Everyone there has babies
Life moves pretty fast

December 17 (Sunday)
Kiddo’s belly’s off
Poor kids hardly slept last night
Mom and Pop? No sleep.

December 18 (Monday)
Check the to do list
Huh, it says ‘Be unproductive
Just count til Christmas’

December 19 (Tuesday)
Christmas card crafting
Or, a chance to be cheesy
And show off my son

December 20 (Wednesday)
So great it’s Friday!
*Looks at clock, blinks, sighs, bows head*
I feel so betrayed

December 21 (Thursday)
Tree falls in the woods
Tree summers in the mountains
Tree has some nice homes

December 22 (Friday)
Who here among us
Would like to cast the first stone?
(Glass house unveiling)

December 23 (Saturday)
Hello vacation!
Ten days of sitting around
Plain old glorious

December 24 (Sunday)
Wife’s folks and grandfolks
Visiting us for Christmas
Our kiddo’s first one!

December 25 (Monday)
Merry Christmas, all!
And to those who could care less
Happy Monday, all!

December 26 (Tuesday)
Food out for rabbits
Courtesy my wife’s grandpa
They took most of it!

December 27 (Wednesday)
Saw Star Wars!
He was all, ‘hey man, same team?’
She was like, ‘as if!’

December 28 (Thursday)
Wake up with kiddo
We play or he naps on me
Joys of staycation

December 29 (Friday)
Nature can be cruel
My son gives a giant pout
I giggle, say ‘awwww!’

December 30 (Saturday)
‘Don’t Know What That Means
But it Sounds Intelligent???’
My auto-bio

December 31 (Sunday)
Rang in the new year
By making good burritos
PARTY FOR LIFE, YA’LL

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